Hi all. I was a regular on AIBU/conception but I've name changed (out of embarrassment really).
I've just found out that I'm pregnant. I've dreamed of being pregnant for years. I've been planning the nursery in my head since we bought our house and I have a list of baby names in the notes on my phone. My DH is over the moon and I thought I would be too.
But I'm not. I've felt sick ever since I found out. Yesterday I cried on and off all day. I have pretty bad anxiety anyway and constantly live with a lump in my throat and an impending sense of doom but this has made me worse x100. I thought I was okay with risks of potentially getting pregnant in a pandemic but now it's actually happened I can't even tell you how scared I am. I can't shake this feeling that something will be wrong with my baby and itll be my fault for being anxious and stressed.
For the last year or two I've had anxiety I could normally curb it with a glass of wine or two and now that I cant I realise I might have been a bit dependent on that. Now my thoughts are getting darker and I'm starting to dwell on thoughts that I don't want to be here anymore. Yesterday my husband my husband had to help me out the shower because I had sat down under the water and started to cry and felt like I couldn't move.
I just want to have a happy, healthy pregnancy like everyone else seems to but it seems unlikely for me at the moment. I'm 26, have a good job, own home, savings etc so none of my worries are practical.
I don't think I could make a GP appointment at the moment even if I felt comfortable doing it. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share?
Thanks x
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Pregnancy
Anxiety and dark thoughts
7 replies
alwaysunderwater · 25/06/2020 05:28
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