1 abortion, 1 miscarriage and 1 obsession

[MumAt22]

Hi all...

So im 24, been with OH 14months and moved in with him just before our 1 year. Hes like my missing piece and we click so well.

Only problem is the previous relationship I was in wasnt too great. My ex never hurt me but it was looking after an adult baby who just couldn't understand things. I was with him for two years. After 2m of dating I fell pregnant. We wernt ready and so had an abortion which was painful not just physically but mentally and i grew up quite quick after that... but as much as I was crying for a baby ive lost, he didnt understand why I was sad. Fast forward another 18m and we fell pregnant again. We wanted to keep it. Told parents etc as we wernt living together. I was 22 by now. But 11 weeks and 4 days in.... I had a miscarriage. He wasnt at the hospital. My dad called and messaged but he was asleep. In the morning he woke and my dad said i was in hospital, but okau for now. He said oh okay and went to work. Didn't bother coming to see me.

But fast forward to now... im happy, settled witj my new OH in our own place... but obsessing about having a baby. Im mentioning to him every other day.
We said its best timing to try in a year or so as we have a tiny rental just big enough for us so we want to move first.... but I cant stop hoping one day the pill fails and i get pregnant...

Any suggestions.... im going crazy...

[Redcliff]

Think about all the lovely things you can do now that are so much harder once you have kids. Having a lie in, spontaneously going out, having sex whenever you fancy. That is what got me through.

[MrsB0]

I was in a similar situation for years following a termination when I was younger and it was all I could think about and all that I wanted but my boyfriend wanted us to wait until we had got married and we’re a little bit older. 6 years later, We are now married and expecting our first baby and I’m so happy that he made us wait so now we are in a perfect position emotionally and financially to give our baby the best family life! Although a year seems like forever, set yourself a date in mind in a years time of when you will be trying and then think about working towards getting ready for that goal and getting your house sorted. Think about taking the year to get your body in prime condition for pregnancy and be thankful that it is only 1 year. Can you imagine if your partner didn’t want to try for say 5 years? It’s only 12 periods and it really will fly before you know it so take the time to enjoy the year and make sure your life and relationship and body is in prime condition for it is my advice. It will happen in the end!

[Dyrne]

I’m in a similar position in that I’ve become desperate to have a baby following a previous termination. My DO wants to wait, and it’s torture waiting until he’s ready.

I’m getting through it by focusing on getting in the best possible position to have a baby - I’ve been working my arse off at work and it’s just about to pay off in the form of a promotion; and we’re about to do some work on the house to make it bigger for our future family. My next step is to get my body in the best shape for pregnancy - losing some weight and bringing up my fitness and nutrition. Focusing on these things is helping me as I’m concentrating on “preparing” for a baby so it helps with the feeling of “hanging around waiting till DP is ready”. As PO has said, I’m also enjoying planning a pretty adventurous holiday that wouldn’t really be possible with young children; and enjoying spontaneous pub dinners etc.

Are there extra hours you can pick up at work to enable you to save for a longer maternity leave, for example?