Telling older children?

[TheFimbleFowl]

12 week scan next week and I had a private scan last week, so hopeful all good. We’re dithering over whether to tell older dd (8) next week, or whether to wait until we get the all clear at 20 weeks.

Having bad news at 20 weeks would be made worse by having to tell her as well, but I’m not sure how realistic it is to hang on until then.

I’m a bit overweight so reckon I could hide it from her, but it will probably start to be obvious to other grown ups so we’re risking someone accidentally mentioning it in front of her!

Also, selfishly, really want to tell her next week as she’ll be so excited! Someone tell me what to do!

[SweepTheHalls]

We got out the younger children's 12 week scans to reminise.... Then added a third scan picture into the file and watched as the penny dropped. It was lovely

[Nettymummy]

We told our 7 year old when we were all relaxed and on holidays at around 11 weeks, after having had a scan to be sure it looked OK.
Now it's a bit further on and he's been to another scan and loves being involved. We told him about the small chances that the baby won't grow. I love all his questions and he's being so careful around my belly now and understands why there are some things I can't do.
I'd go for it, but make sure the time and tone is right.

[TheFimbleFowl]

That is lovely! Unfortunately I haven’t got the faintest idea where her picture is.

[SoyDora]

We told ours at 12 weeks. I would have waited until later but I’m quite slim and was showing already at that point (3rd baby) and my 4 year old had already said ‘you look like you’ve got a baby in your tummy mummy’.
I was nervous until the 20 week scan in case any problems were found but thankfully all ok.

[Pepper123123]

My 10 year old DD worked it out before I had chance to tell her two days before my 12 week scan.
I'd have liked to have waited for the scan, but it upset her that she felt left out by having the secret kept from her.
When it was all out in the open she was thrilled.

[TheFimbleFowl]

Hmm, hadn’t really thought about her feeling left out. She’s not daft and there is a chance she could work it out. Leaning towards telling her now...

[BlueKarou]

At that age, and if she's a sensible kid, I would take her along to the scan at 12 weeks. Especially as you've already had a private scan. I know that's not quite the same, and doesn't rule out there being any issues, but it's her family too and it seems right that she have an appropriate level of involvement.

That said... If there's a chance she would tell people - friends, teachers, etc, that's a thing to consider.

I went with my best friend to some of her scans - I looked after the older kid whilst she and her husband went in and checked everything was ok. Once the heartbeat was found and the measurements taken and they were happy, the older kid and I joined them and that was how she found out. She was a bit younger though.

[BlueKarou]

Plus, if you tell her, it means you don't have to watch what you say to your husband around the house - it'll be 'out' as it were.

[SoyDora]

Our hospital doesn’t allow children at the scan. There’s a sign saying only one adult may accompany the person being scanned.

[Lilly1207]

I told my 8 year old after our 12 week scan, he was thrilled and loved being involved ☺️ xx

[emelsie]

I told my 9 year old at just over 8 weeks , I explained to her sometimes sadly things can go wrong and that at 12 weeks I will have a scan to check the baby is healthy and growing , I had severe sickness from 5 weeks pregnant and couldn't really hide it and she was starting to worry about my 'illness' so thought it better I was just honest with her. 27 weeks now and she is so excited !

[gruber]

We told our 5 year old after 12 week scan. I’d been quite ill with sickness & notndone as much so he knew I was poorly. We also wanted him to hear it from us, not work it out from hearing bits of conversation!
Also, from a practical point of view, we thought he would notice if something did come up at 20 weeks and I had to be in hospital or bed for a couple of days. We decided he was old enough to understand and told him at 12 w straight after scan (no children allowed). He was thrilled! And has really bonded with bump & has been very understanding since.

[cameltoeflappyflapflap]

We told our 6 year old at 8 weeks. He was over the moon.

[Sandstormbrewing]

I'd tell her next week.

My mum told me after the 12 week scan and then went on to miscarry a week or so later. I remember it but it's not a traumatic or horrible memory, in fact it really helped normalise miscarriage to me which has been helpful as I've got older.