Pregnant after losing my daughter who was stillborn...

[Carty76]

Hi Folks

I lost my precious girl in September, she was stillborn and just completely devastated us. I found out 2 weeks ago that I’m now pregnant, I’m now 6 weeks. Apart from a sore back I have absolutely no symptoms and I’m terrified. I’m booked in for an early scan and we’re receiving support around trying to help me with the anxieties I have but I’m just terrified. We have another daughter who will be 4 in August and with both of my girls I was incredibly nauseous from day one. I know people ask these questions all the time but has anyone had no symptoms and everything has been fine?

[LawDegreeBarbie]

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss

Congratulations on your new pregnancy! An early scan is definitely a good idea but remember that no symptoms doesn't mean bad news. I had no symptoms apart from sore boobs pretty much all the way through the first trimester on all of my pregnancies and now I'm 29 weeks.

Do you have a lot of real life support?

[Carty76]

Thank you. My husband is incredible. We’re holding off telling people for as long as we can. I’ve told a handful of my closest friends who I know will have my back. My anxiety is just through the roof. My husband keeps on saying to not worry and that old chestnut if every pregnancy is different and I know he’s right. It’s just very hard to think that way when you’ve beeen through such life changing grief.

[LawDegreeBarbie]

If you can't afford private counselling, speak through this with your midwife and they can refer you to the mental health team there. As the pregnancy continues you may find your fears grow and grow so having that support there will be beneficial in a medical sense with consultants and midwives as well as for your own mental health.

[JustVent]

Hi OP I’ve been pregnant 4 times, and I have two children (Now pregnant again) and I’ve had zero sickness this time round and everything is fine. Im 13+5 and the scan was good and the baby moves a lot.

With my pregnancy before that, I was sick as a dog and the baby died about 14 weeks.
With my sons, one I was sick with, one I wasn’t.

It’s quite literally anyone’s guess.

This must be a very very anxious time for you, but please know that sickness and no sickness is absolutely 100% normal no matter what your previous pregnancies were like.

[LeeHarper5]

So sorry for your loss.

I had IVF which luckily worked first time but I worried terribly as I also didn’t have a single pregnancy symptom. If it wasn’t for all those early scans I’d never have believed I was actually pregnant. Around 32 weeks I got awful heartburn but that was the only symptom I ever had. My son will be 4 next month.

I won’t tell you not to worry because it’s only natural that you will. I’m sure you’ll be monitored closely and I really hope you don’t have too long to wait for your first scan. Sending you best wishes 💐

[DaisyBank82]

Hi @Carty76

I’m so sorry to read about your youngest daughter. I’m sad to say I do know a little about what you’re going through. I too have an eldest daughter who is about to turn 4 and also had a baby daughter who was stillborn in early January 2017. Her loss has changed our lives forever and we will never be the same. Did you find out the reason for your daughter’s death? We did not and this has been difficult, though my grief has softened slightly with time. Approaching the anniversary of her death (as you are) was a very difficult time.

I fell pregnant last summer but had a missed miscarriage at about 9 weeks, which was managed via surgery. It was a very dark time as one loss so soon after the other was too much to cope with, though I did feel this miscarriage wasn’t on the same scale as the stillbirth in terms of devastation. I had lots of strong symptoms with that pregnancy so the ‘no heartbeat’ news was a surprise. We did get a reason for that time (Trisomy 15, so not related to our stillbirth).

I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with another rainbow baby. This time I barely had any symptoms at all and the early stages were very difficult indeed - in fact, none of this pregnancy has been easy. Accessing the type of support you need, when you need it, will hopefully help you. I’ve found it via the pregnancy after loss threads on the Sands forum, via the pregnany after loss blog/ website, and more recently via a specialist support group (we’ve only had one session so far). It’s based near Reading if that’s any good to you? They will welcome any parents at any stage of a rainbow pregnancy. Please DM me if you’d like more details and I can tell you more about it, and also happy to share more/ listen to your story via DM if that would be helpful.

Sending so much love and hope your way.

[Carty76]

Thank you ladies. When I hear people say these things I know they’re completely right but actually computing it in my head is another story. We already attend specialist bereavement counselling and I know our councillor will start to help us with it all. My husband is so positive, he always is and I’m trying to be. If it’s so so hard when you’ve buried your child

[DaisyBank82]

Oh I meant to say this baby is a boy, which might explain the symptoms a bit, as I had strong symptoms with the girls. But then again, I had terrible sickness with the miscarriage and when we had the tests it revealed he was a boy too, so it really can be random!

And this is the blog I mentioned pregnancyafterlosssupport.com

[Carty76]

@daisybank82

I’m so so sorry. It’s totally life changing isn’t it. Completely. I’m a totally different person after losing my baby girl. Thank you for the advice, I definitely will look at the Sands stuff. I gave birth to her in a Sands room and we’ve received so much support from them. The scan is on 9 July so not long to wait but it just feels like forever when I’ve already convinced myself they won’t find a heartbeat

[GruffaloPants]

So sorry for the loss of your precious girl.

I have had 2 healthy pregnancies. Very little morning sickness or early symptoms. Your husband is right (as you know in your heart). Every pregnancy is different.

[Waggily]

I had a TFMR last year at 17 weeks because our little boy had Trisomy 18. At my booking in appointment with my current pregnancy, the midwife offered all kinds of support, such as prenatal mental health support and extra scans. I’ve found that every professional i’ve Met throughout this pregnancy have been utterly kind and compassionate and will do anything to put your mind at ease.

I don’t think I will ever feel as confident and unaware as during my first pregnancy as i’m Much too aware of the complications of pregnancy and birth but I feel reassured that help and support is there if I need it.

[Littlebelina]

I didn't get symptoms with this pregnancy until 7 weeks and lots of my symptoms since then have been different to my previous pregnancies. It is hard not to worry even when you haven't had issues. This is my 4th pregnancy. I have had a healthy boy, an ectopic, a DD who died shortly after birth due to a severe heart defect. I'm only just starting to relax in this pregnancy as my scans (had early scans, the scheduled ones and cardiology scans so far) have been ok but neither myself or my husband are finding this pregnancy as enjoyable as our first.

I made sure my midwife was aware of what happened last time before I had my booking appointment so she was prepared and it wasn't an awkward conversation. All medical professionals so far have been great and even though we haven't taken them up on it we have plenty of direction to different counseling.

Fingers crossed op and hope you have a straight forward dream pregnancy.

[Carty76]

I’ve booked myself in for a private scan today.....

[JustVent]

Best of luck. X

[Carty76]

So, they couldn’t pick up a heartbeat but they could see the sac and the yolk. She said I’m literally days away from hearing a heartbeat so they’ve booked me in again for next week.

[JustVent]

That’s great, it sounds all on track. I’m not at all surprised that a heartbeat wasn’t detected yet, so here’s hoping you hear that lovely sound next week.

[xllhhx]

I had twins in May 2017, one of which was stillborn, and now 25w into my 2nd pregnancy.

All day every day I worry about it happening again, as I don't think I could cope with another stillbirth. I've found that I'm not really bonding with this baby as I did my twins, but I do feel myself getting excited about movement etc. I am so so lucky to have one of my twins here but it was inexplicable trying to get into the swing of being a new parent during that happy time, when you are having to bury and mourn your other baby.

Have found it has helped keeping it 'quiet'- off social media etc, I don't feel as much pressure which might sound stupid! Think I'll only be able to relax when the baby is here safe.

Sorry there's no advice there, but sending you lots of love xx

[WhatTheWatersShowedMe]

I’m sorry about your little girl.
Speak to your midwife about any fears and anxieties you have. She can refer you to mental health services. I had severe antenatal depression during my second pregnancy and counselling really helped.