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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Pregnancy

16 & pregnant - advice and opinions

29 replies

floralprincess · 12/03/2018 10:13

I know some of you may judge but bottom line new life is something to be celebrated. A little bit of backstory...me and my boyfriend are still together 1 year and I'm about 2 months pregnant. He is supporting me a lot and his foster career is too (who he sees as a mum and she loves him). He had various problems due to his past but he is doing amazing due to circumstances at the moment that are happening for him. He is happy and so am I! A baby is a gift.

I need advice because I need to tell my birth family (I'm adopted and need to tell my birth dad because he has the right to know, birth mum is dead though) and I need to tell my adoptive parents and I'm not sure how to? I'm quite nervous about doing it and need some guidance. Also would love to hear your opinions...

Another thing is social services will open a case for the baby as my boyfriend is still in care but he is getting adopted. My parents are well off but I need them to support me or the baby will be taken away, I need to tell them by Thursday until social services come round and talk and ask questions.

Any general advice would be nice too!

OP posts:

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Bonge · 12/03/2018 10:42

@floralprincess I feel for you. Finding out that you're pregnant can be beyond terrifying, I remember it well!

I can't offer much advice but, I think the best thing for you to do at the moment is to conquer each day as it comes. Be direct with your family when you tell them that you're pregnant. It's happened now and things need to be set in motion :)

It's scary and things are going to get very hard for you, but they will work out. Try to be strong and please look after yourself x

blinkineckmum · 12/03/2018 10:55

You are doing the right thing by telling family. Then you can get support. Other than that, take folic acid, phond your GP and ask for a midwife appt, and find out about support groups for teenage mothers near you. Good luck.

BubbleAndSquark · 12/03/2018 10:57

Are you sure your concerns about them taking away the baby if your parents aren't supportive are correct?
I would have thought that at 16, as you are legally old enough to leave home, then as long as there is no reason why you are unable provide adequate care then they wouldn't remove the child.

I think the best thing to do is speak to whichever of your (adoptive) parents is most likely to react best, then tell the other together. If you are anxious about telling your birth father then maybe a phone call would be easier for you than face to face.

The main thing is to work alongside social services, show them that you are mature and that you are taking on board anything they say or have concerns about.

This next week or so sounds like it will be tough but things will get easier once its out of the way. I would personally tell one of your parents today if possible as it is clearly a big cause of stress for you at the moment and leaving it longer just prolongs that.

Good luck with everything.

TotallyWingingIt · 12/03/2018 10:59

Well done for asking for advice and not burying your head in the sand. I would bite the bullet and just tell your family. If you think about it too much it will get built up in your head and make it harder to approach.
This will be tough but you sound extremely determined OP. Good luck

Nkhutch · 12/03/2018 11:01

Try not to panic. There are a lot of teenagers that have had a baby without parental support and not had there baby taken away so don't initially think that this will happen. Yes they will get involved but I think there is a stigma that children who have been in care then risk there children being the same and I think it's a ridiculous stigma to place on everyone. You need to be honest with your parents. Make sure all the decisions about whether you want to keep the baby or not are made before you tell them. And be strong. I was 17 when I fell pregnant and 18 when I gave birth my mum was supportive but I still had to be strong. I moved out when my baby was born and love with dds father. It's tough when your young but totally doable I was in the middle of my a levels when I fell pregnant and sat and passed all my exams at 36 weeks pregnant.

peggy2467 · 12/03/2018 11:05

Would it be easier to tell your social workers first? They can then advise you as to how you should go about telling your parents.
They will also be able to find some support groups and guidance.
Good luck! What you're doing is incredibly brave and admirable.

thethoughtfox · 12/03/2018 12:45

Could you write them a letter and give it to them so you can say everything you want to. Or text that you are pregnant and need their support and say can we meet up to talk. That way they might have a chance to get their heads round it a little before you are there in person.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:07

@Bonge thank you for the advice (I lost the password to the account so this is my new account)

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:08

@blinkineckmum this is my new account as I lost the password to my old one and thank you! I have an appointment booked.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:09

@BubbleAndSquark this is my new account as I lost the password to my old one. And thank you and I am concerned because they are coming Friday and I don't know what to expect.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:10

@TotallyWingingIt thank you for the advice. This is my new account as I lost the password to this one.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:11

@Nkhutch this is my new account as I lost the password to my old one. And wow that's inspiring and thank you for the advice.

pinkyredrose · 12/03/2018 13:11

OP why do you want a baby?

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:12

@peggy2467 this is my new account and they already know as the babies father and my boyfriend is still in care.

SciFiRocker · 12/03/2018 13:12

Tell them sooner rather than later so they have chance to get their heads around it before social worker comes - and by the way, the social worker wouldn't take a baby off you just because your young.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:13

@thethoughtfox this is my new account. And they have had their suspicions so I think they will take it better than out of the blue. I might write a text or a letter as I am socially awkward sometimes and find some situations really hard due to some of my problems. Thanks for the advice!

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:14

@pinkyredrose this is my new account. And it happened so fast and I don't believe in abortions and I am happy as new life is really amazing to me.

SciFiRocker · 12/03/2018 13:15

How come YOU have a social worker out of curiosity or is it your BF's?

If your legally adopted then you shouldn't need one.

They will NOT take the baby away from you for being young. Just don't rush into moving in with your BF cos that will be hard work for you both with a new baby and him still being technically in care.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:15

@SciFiRocker this is my new account. And they might as me and the father both been in care and it's going to be a extra careful examination and test.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:16

@SciFiRocker we both have social workers because stuff that's happened and it's his social worker involved with this though and he can't move out until 18 anyway because he's in care.

SciFiRocker · 12/03/2018 13:17

You having been in care is no reflection on you - it's a reflection on the ability of the adults around you not being able to cope well looking after you.

You would have to do something wrong for them to take a child from you.

Do not let them bully you into believing they can take your child for no reason!

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:20

@SciFiRocker there is a problem with the care system sometimes and they want to because my boyfriend has autism (not the noticeable physical kind) and ADHD and other problems due to his traumatic past. I am suspected to have something too. His social worker also reply doesn't have his best interests in mind sometimes. Right now she's moving him up and down the country each week until he moves in with the lady fostering them adopting him.

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PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:22

@SciFiRocker really**

SciFiRocker · 12/03/2018 13:34

It's discrimination to take a child from the mother on the basis of a disability unless it stops your being able to take care of the child.

Please speak to your parents, they will be able to support and stand up for you.
Remember your adoptive parents see you as their child weather you were born to them or not and they will want what's best for you.

PlNK · 12/03/2018 13:39

@SciFiRocker thank you for all your advice, I'll be telling them today.

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