Hi Mumsnetters,
Don't really know why I'm writing this to be honest, I think I just feel a little confused and let down (possibly) by my first encounter with a consultant.
Back story -
In May last year my partner and I lost our little boy Edward at 38+2, he was sadly stillborn. We decided against a post mortem as we didn't like the thought of our son being poked and prodded. We were happy for the placenta to be analysed and for both myself and my DP to be tested for whatever they thought necessary.
Anyway, nothing much was found, the only thing to note was that the placenta was far smaller than they would have expected and it was assumed that this was the cause of Edward's death as it could no longer support him any more.
We were advised that any future pregnancies would be monitored by a consultant and midwife, I'd have many more scans and watched very closely, etc.
Fast forward to today, I have just returned from my first consultant appointment - I am currently 14+5 weeks pregnant with our second child.
The lady I saw was not the person I was told I would be seeing, (this didn't transpire until later) she was a registrar working under the consultant. I wouldn't have minded this, however when I asked her whether I would see her for my next appointments she replied:
"No, I'm not Miss DrYouShouldHaveSeen. You will most likely see someone different each time."
Now the thought of this fills me with great dread (although this particular woman was awful), having to repeat my circumstances over and over is pretty distressing when you've lost your child.
I was (rightly or wrongly) under the impression that I would see the same consultant throughout, at least for continuity of care(?!)
We sat down, she started flicking through my pregnancy booklet.
"So, why are you here? Ah, you had a baby last year at 38 weeks, is that why you're here?"
I looked at her a little gobsmacked, especially since it is written all over my notes that our baby was stillborn.
I replied, "Yes, but he was stillborn. That's why I'm here."
She muttered under her breath; "oh, sorry".
Insensitive to say the least.
I asked the consultant if the placenta would be measured this time (I was told on multiple occasions by various medical professionals that this would be the case after we lost Edward).
Her response:
"No. It's impossible to do that."
At this point I started to cry. I asked her how they would know that the same wasn't happening this time - obviously I'm super paranoid that something terrible will happen with this pregnancy.
She gave me a crumpled hard hand towel to wipe my face, (luckily I was prepared with my own tissues).
She said that I would have more scans this time and they would monitor the growth of the baby, etc. Her response made me feel as though I was being an inconvenience, firstly for crying and secondly for asking a question.
We talked about scans, starting at 28 weeks. I asked her if I would have any more between now and 20 weeks (I have had two reassurance scans earlier on in the pregnancy, just for my peace of mind more than anything). Her reply:
"No. This is it." nothing like "it depends how you feel" or "If you're worried we can fit you in".
She asked if she could listen to the baby with the doppler. I said "Yes please, I've been really worried as it's such a long wait to see someone between the 12 and 20 week scans. It's really quite scary not knowing if everything is ok." (In reality I've been afraid for the last week that something terrible has happened to this baby too). She didn't bother replying.
I did have more questions but she made me feel that uncomfortable I didn't bother asking them. I figured I'd just wait until the next appointment and hopefully I'd get someone nicer.
Long story and rant... I guess I just expected something a little different? I thought that perhaps the consultant would be a bit more understanding or have some compassion.
She didn't even say goodbye to me as I left.
All I know is that I now feel worse than before.
Not once did she ask how I was during the appointment. Even if she had I don't think she would have given a shit.
The "mental health and wellbeing discussed" box in my notes was obviously left un-ticked.
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Pregnancy
Pregnancy after loss - Consultant , not what I expected... Feeling let down
45 replies
JennyRMorris · 20/02/2018 17:52
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