Announcing pregnancy

[user1495474605]

I have just found out I'm pregnant, literally just 4 weeks, the problem is I have a nearly 6 month old. My wedding is next June and I will be roughly 31 weeks pregnant then.
Some members of my family I'm quite worried announcing this pregnancy with, I was going to write something in everyone's Christmas card but I have been told that is selfish to do.
I really don't know how to announce this pregnancy because I know it will be difficult for some to digest. Any advice I would really appreciate.

[FuzzyOwl]

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything goes well.

Could you wait until after Christmas, when your pregnancy is further along to tell people? I think it is up to you how and when you tell others but as you know it will be news some will struggle with, I agree that a Christmas card isn’t the most tactful or suitable way.

[ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname]

Congratulations!

I don't see how writing it in a card is selfish but neither do I understand why your family will struggle with the news, you're having the baby, not them.

I would ignore the fact Christmas is coming soon and also ignore the fact you have a 6 month old and just tell people in whatever way you would have if circumstances or timing had been different.

[PurpleDaisies]

It depends why you think they’ll find it difficult. If it’s due to trouble conceiving, don’t put it in a Christmas card.

If your only four weeks, what’s the rush? Loads of people wait until after the 12 week scan.

[user1495474605]

Thankyou all for your replies.
I suppose because it is such exciting news I don't think I personally could wait two months to tell immediate family, I hate feeling like I'm hiding something.
The reason I believe some people would struggle with the news isn't due to any fertility issues otherwise I would never consider telling people in that way, it is due to me being the youngest daughter from my mum and dads set of children.
I know my family mean well but they can be very opinionated and I want to find a way to announce without having to go through everyone else's worries on top of my own.

[JoJoSM2]

I’d definitely wait until the end of the first trimester. Putting it in Christmas cards when youvd barely just found out sounds a bit attention seeking. And if they feel you’re too young, or perhaps not settled enough yet (trying to read between the lines but appreciate I might be completely wrong) then they’d be concerned either way. I’d just do it after your 12 week scan via text or a WhatsApp group if you have one.

[user1495474605]

Unfortunately Jojo you are completely wrong, I am very much settled and completely support my self I am not "too young" just the youngest so no matter how old I am, they will always look at me like I'm young.
I'm far from trying to attention seek, I understand that people wait until 12 weeks however with my last pregnancy I told everyone important around 6 weeks.
A baby should be seen as a gift to any family so I don't see how telling them before I am 12 weeks is attention seeking.

[user1495474605]

I could be over worrying and people may be very excited. The thing I'm worrying about is people's opinions on having children so close together, while we are also paying off a wedding. I appreciate everyone's replies and was just asking on advice on how other people would announce if in a similar situation.

[chiaseeddisapointmentagain]

TBH, you sound immature if you can't even wait until the 12 week scan. Maybe your family have a point.

[user1495474605]

There isn't a written rule of waiting until the 12 week mark, some people prefer to share with family weeks before they share with everyone else. I'm sure I'm more than capable of waiting, however this pregnancy has come as a shock and I couldn't be happier, I would like to share my happiness with everyone else.

[chiaseeddisapointmentagain]

Ok so go ahead? What advice do you want?

[user1495474605]

I don't know why you're being bitter.
If you read my other posts I'm not asking for when people would announce but how? I.e. On a phone call, in a Christmas card, via text, with the scan photo, Etc.

[1stX]

OP you mentioned that you were worried about family members who have fertility issues. Whilst I know how excited you are you obviously care about how they will feel about it. I would speak to them separately and keep them out of your announcement however you decide to do it. I’m sure they will be pleased for you but it’s bound to hurt them as well.
If your worried about how the others will feel because they’re worried how you’d cope I think it’s best to speak to them personally and avoid a gimmicky ‘big reveal’and be prepared to address their worries.

Good luck and congratulations

[TheVanguardSix]

You're already a mum.
Why would you worry about what they think a second time around?

The only reason I'd wait is because of the obvious worries we have in the first trimester. There is no written rule, it's true. But if you've ever experienced a miscarriage, you'll understand why people wait. I lost our DD at 25 weeks. I also had a MC when our DC2 was 7 months old. Loss is awful and loss mostly happens in the first trimester. Tell your nearest and dearest now if you're ready and save the broadcast for 12 weeks.

Congratulations! It's all go for you with a little one, a wedding, and number 2 cooking away. Do what is best for you.

[GingerbreadMa]

There is no way of announcing it that will control/minimise opinionated peoples judgements.

All you can control/minimiss is how much you care about what opinionated people think

[user1495474605]

Thankyou very much for the replies.
I haven't got any one close to me with fertiliser issues, however if I did I would 100% handle the situation with sensitivity and in no way would I do anything in a grand gesture to hurt anyone's feelings.
Obviously people do worry when they find out they are pregnant, I am just worried about other people's response rather than having two young children, I know I will cope well and am probably just overreacting due to the initial shock of the pregnancy as this was not my plan, I had intentions to try after the wedding. Thankyou very much for all your kind words x

[user1495474605]

Sorry should have re read what I wrote, i have no one around me with fertility issues.

[GingerbreadMa]

You dont know if you have others around you with fertility issues, you just have noone you know of

[Skyechasemarshalontheway]

I have had 3 miscarriges.

I told family family early on in first 4 pregnancys as even though we lost 2 i needed support through it. So telling them we were pregnant early was a good thing for us.

Our last miscarrige i only knew about being pregnant for 3 days so apart from my sister and some friends noone really knows about that one. I still do not regret telling the people that knew as there support was needed at the time.

[dkb15164]

The reason they say 12 weeks is because some studies show up to 50% of conceptions (those were the mum was unaware of the pregnancy as well) are miscarried. Telling your family can be a risk because of the possibility that telling them you've lost the baby can be extremely painful on top of your own grief. Before my brothers and I were born, my mother had a very rare cancerous pregnancy that came up on the 12 week scan and she was glad she hadn't told people so she could grieve in peace and didn't get any unfortunate gifts or cards to remind her of the loss.

[Heartofglass12345]

I told my mum in person as soon as we found out, and my in laws we told in person too. I think i told my sisters over text, and told a couple of close friends. Everyone else got a picture message with a scan photo in 😊
I had a miscarriage the 2nd time round so when we got pregnant again we waited until the scan to tell most people, but a couple of people knew. Congratulations!

[ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname]

I don't think Jojo was saying that you are too young or not settled. I think we're probably all a bit mystified as to why any of your family would be put out or annoyed that a woman who has a 6 month old already and is getting married next year is pregnant with her second child

Exactly this.

Being the youngest in a family doesn't justify or explain why your family would be annoyed

[Thedriftofstars]

How on earth is it immature to not want to wait to tell family until after the 12 week scan?
To be honest I would just tell your parents next time you see them. No need to make a big song and dance of it, and ignore any nasty or silly comments they make. Been there, done that, got the t shirt - families are hard work sometimes!
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope all goes well for you

[peachesarenom]

user1495474605 hi love! I'm less than 12 weeks and I've told close family and some 'experienced and older' work colleagues because if the worst happened I'd need support!

I told people face to face because when I got engaged I lived far away and didn't get to see anyone's reaction!

My brother is the youngest in our family and defo I'll always treat him like a baby! So I get what you mean.

I totally agree with GingerbreadMa some people will always be d##ks!

[mindutopia]

Personally I think if these are people that are close enough to you to tell early on, then I wouldn’t do it in a card. Tell them in person or over the phone. A Christmas card seems really impersonal. Also realistically a Christmas card is something people display so it’s quite possible other people (you haven’t told and don’t necessarily want to know) will read the card and find out. If anything does happen (I had a mc with my 2nd pregnancy which we found out about at 8 weeks), you won’t necessarily even know who knows. I would just speak to them and share it with them that way.