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How to stop worrying all the time?

(20 Posts)
user1496231209 Fri 01-Dec-17 05:25:30

So I'm 3w6d and for some reason got an incredibly early BFP at 8DPO. I still have 3/5 days before my period is due and then another 6/8 weeks before I'm out of the danger zone confused
I'm already an incredibly anxious person, I worry myself silly about just about everything and these last two days I've known I'm pregnant have just been completely filled with panic that I'll have a miscarriage sad
How do I try and stop that panic?? I work full time and go to uni (on top of a 6 year old) so I'm pretty busy a majority of the time but I need a way to keep my mind occupied
Any thoughts??

Etarip Fri 01-Dec-17 05:32:09

Congratulations! The first trimester is really worrying especially as you can't speak to many people about it and you don't have the reassurances from the baby moving etc.

When I have found out I was pregnant before I have found that it helps to kind of detach myself from it for the first 12 weeks. It's almost as if I think of it as a possibility that I may have a baby but don't get my hopes up straight away. You just need to carry on with your life as normal and try and put it to the back of you mind as much as possible. I think it's also very difficult when people find out so early as its so much longer to wait.

If you can afford it, get a scan at 8 weeks ish as this is a good time to see the baby and if you see a heartbeat at this point there is a very high chance the baby will continue to be fine. That saves you waiting for the full 12 weeks for reassurance. Good luck smile

user1496231209 Fri 01-Dec-17 05:46:09

Thanks lovely; funnily enough I was just looking into 8 week scans grin just 4 weeks 1 day to wait!! Haha.
I'm gonna try and zone it out but the problem is I'm giving up smoking (cutting down 2 a day) so it's making it drag even more haha

emvy Fri 01-Dec-17 06:45:14

As pp said, the first 12 weeks are the worst. However, it sounds like you're busy and to be honest, I think that's the best way to keep anxiety levels to a minimum and allow yourself to carry on with life relatively normally for now. Focus on work, uni and your LO and just get through each day. Recognise your feelings of anxiety when they come, and then put them to one side and focus on something else.

I actually would disagree with an early scan. They're a snapshot of a moment in time and simply that. Personally, I decided not to opt for an early scan as I knew it would reassure me for all of 5 minutes and I didn't want false hope either (so many people having positive early scans finding out at 12 weeks it'd gone wrong). There's a reason the dating scan is scheduled for 12 weeks and not 8, and it's not just because dating is easier later on. If you can, wait until 12 weeks as you'll feel much more relaxed after it but it's such a personal choice and of course if you want an early scan, get one.

All the best in your pregnancy. Keep busy, sleep every moment you can and I hope you can begin to enjoy it as time goes on smile

Expectingbsbunumber2 Fri 01-Dec-17 07:10:35

I agree I was always worrying in the first trimester but that's totally normal. I just got on with things and when my 12 week scan came along it was amazing too see my wriggly little baby moving on the screen. I didn't get any private scans or anything but I had terrible nausea, sore boobs and the tiredness was there! I know it's easy to say but try and not worry.

lampert Fri 01-Dec-17 07:14:37

I’m now 14 weeks and still feeling desperately worried. I thought after 12 I’d feel more confident, but no!

I had 4 scans in the first trimester (we’d only planned one extra at 7 weeks but then opted for harmony and that included a further 2). They are wonderful at the time but I felt desperately worried about miscarriage again within a couple of days of each. My attitude throughout that first trimester was very much that we might have a baby, and I tried very hard to remain a little detached. It’s harder since the 12 week scan and now that everybody knows though.

my 12 week scan was 2.5 weeks ago and it’s driving me mad not knowing if the baby is ok, but I’ve just gotta be positive and keep going!

Good luck op - fingers crossed for you

LumpySpaceCow Fri 01-Dec-17 08:55:41

I just rationalise it to myself that worrying and anxiety won't stop anything bad from happening - it would just make the time leading up to that miserable. You have found out incredibly early which I am sure increases anxiety and those reassuring landmarks (e.g. 12 week scan) seem so far away. You sound very busy so hopefully the time will pass quickly!

Ninjamilo Fri 01-Dec-17 13:41:47

I feel for you, although I can't promise it gets any better!

I und out at 5 weeks and wish I had found out later - we had the 12 week scan and then a gender scan at 16 weeks privately. 20 week scan next week can't come soon enough!

I'm looking forward to when I can feel baby kicking more as I'll feel better then.

I just try and keep myself distracted with work as much as possible and try and think that there genuinely is nothing I can do to change anything and what will be will be x

KERALA1 Fri 01-Dec-17 13:45:40

I was abit like this with my first. I asked my very wise, elderly female GP when I can "stop worrying". She replied - never. Never never never! First you worry about miscarriage, then birth, then weaning, then whether they will have any friends. Her sons were in their 50s and she still worried about them. Welcome to parenthood!

WishfulThinking27 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:22:24

OP what you need to remember however hard this is is that his is out of your hands. Chances are you and your baby will be fine. If you so suffer a loss then it would have happened whether you are worried about things or not. I would recommend an early scan, not because then you can relax and enjoy everything (because you'll still worry), but to detect if everything is ok up to that point. Try and enjoy this time.

user1496231209 Fri 01-Dec-17 20:56:32

Thankyou girls star
Me and OH are booking a private scan for 7 weeks so now to just countdown until then. I just wish these sharp dull pains would stop cause it's driving me nutty with panic 😂

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 02-Dec-17 08:29:18

I know it's well meant, but have the people who say they tried to remain detached and not get their hopes up actually had a loss? Because I didn't find that helps at all, actually - it stops you enjoying the pregnancy while it's there and then you're still just as devastated when it goes wrong. You can't preempt pain or cut yourself off from it and it's essentially impossible to actually not 'get your hopes up'.

I'm on my fourth pregnancy this year and I'm trying really hard (7 wks at the moment) to let myself relax and enjoy this one. I was absolutely miserable for the few weeks I knew about my last one (ended at 7 wks) with my constant belief I was about to miscarry, and all that did was prolong the agony. I'm trying to let myself be really happy and positive about this one at the moment - if I lose this one too, then there's plenty of misery to come, it can wait for then. Or that's the idea, at least! It's hard in practice, and of course after three losses I'm very anxious a lot of the time. But at least trying to be positive has made this my happiest pregnancy of the four, whatever comes of it.

WishfulThinking27 Sat 02-Dec-17 12:09:17

I hope this one sticks for you LisaSimpson thanks

Sorry for your losses.

Springersprung Sat 02-Dec-17 22:14:02

@lisasimpsonsbff I'm so pleased for you. Have been around the boards for a while and have been aware of your story. Really hope this one sticks.
Am also 1 day away from 7weeks pregnant after a mmc in May. In terms of scans, I have had one this time, as I couldn't face the thought of finding out the baby had died 6 weeks ago again.

I have to say, it reassured me temporarily and was pleased to see a heartbeat, but am now trying to fight off the worrying again. Trying hard to remain positive.

Etarip Sun 03-Dec-17 18:12:03

@LisaSimpsonsbff good luck with this pregnancy. Obviously everyone deals with things differently and for you to enjoy each day of your pregnancy is a fantastic thing. Personally I found it easier to detach myself and get on with day to day life. With my first I did not do this. I had a horrendous pregnancy and worried constantly and suffered terrible anxiety as a result. My detaching I didn't mean thinking negatively about it, I just meant not focusing on it solely (which is what I did with my first). I can't really explain very well what I mean...

Fingers crossed all goes well with this pregnancy for you and make sure you do enjoy it because there is nothing worse than feeling anxious about it. It's a wonderful thing!

LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 03-Dec-17 22:31:41

Thanks etarip - I definitely agree that trying to think about other things and not obsess is good. I just feel like I've heard quite a few women say that they 'didn't get attached until 12 (or 20) weeks' in a sort of 'I wouldn't have made a big deal of it if I'd had a miscarriage' way, and I always think that they only think they weren't attached because it wasn't put to the test, if that makes sense? I don't think it's actually possible to will yourself into not getting your hopes up.

LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 03-Dec-17 22:33:10

I'm sorry, I've just read that back and it sounds like I was accusing you of that, and that wasn't what I meant - as I said, I think I fundamentally agree with you.

Etarip Sun 03-Dec-17 23:21:26

@LisaSimpsonsbff oh god no I'd be devastated to have a miscarriage. I'm very very lucky that I never have but I know that it would deeply affect me. It's more of a remain detached from the situation rather than the baby. Hmmm hard to explain but yes as you say I think we probably think the same thing on this!

Am currently overdue and at the point where I just want my baby out now to check they're OK so trying to remain busy so I'm not moping around worrying about all the what ifs with that. Same thing really I think but just at the other end of pregnancy.

BuffalotheGruffalo Mon 04-Dec-17 05:04:58

I share your worry...hence being on at 5am. Been awake an hour now worrying/over thinking that I don't feel sick enough and my boobs only hurt a little bit whereas they were hurting a lot the last few weeks. I have a booking appointment this week and hopefully early scan next week as I think I'm currently about 6weeks. It's constantly in the back of my mind that there's such a long way to go and the journey hasn't really started yet. I should just be enjoying the fact that I'm pregnant after 10 years of not so much a sniff of a positive but I just can't help but worry and I feel like I'm just pretending to be pregnant!

Veggiehappy Mon 04-Dec-17 20:40:04

Im 10 weeks 5 days and i was exactly the same and had some problems so ended up going for an early scan which has put my mind at rest - although now im terrified of something bad happening before 12 week scan! If ur not having any unusual symptoms id suggest trying to avoid the internet...i have driven myself crazy reading about miscarriages and since ive stopped doing this ive been a bit more relaxed! Tryig to throw myself into xmas as well to take mind off it! X

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