#2 due and I’m feeling down

[eeanne]

DC2 is due any day now and I’m feeling really sad. I’m worried about everything - that DC1 (2 years old) isn’t going to cope well. That DM who is visiting and currently not very helpful is going to continue not helping causing me more stress. That DH isn’t going to pull his weight. That I’m not going to get the rest I need to recover as I’m likely having a c-section. And so on.

None of these concerns are insurmountable but combined they’re weighing on me and I feel like this anxiety can’t be good for me or the baby.

Any tips? And am I the only one who has experienced this? I was so happy before DC1 was born, I feel like this baby is getting short shrift

[MagicMoneyTree]

I go from thinking mine (2yo) will be delighted to have a little playmate, to feeling really guilty and hoping he copes ok with having to share our attention. I think it’s totally normal.

What I would say regarding how you feel about all the smaller things adding up and feeling like one big weight on your mind is... offload! Talk to your partner. Tell him how you’re feeling and share your anxieties. Talk through how you’ll deal with stuff that might come up now and formulate a kind of action plan between you:

DM pisses you off = how can you minimise that? Shorter stay? Assigning her some jobs? Postponing her visit? I dunno, just chucking out some thoughts as they pop into my head.

DH not “pulling his weight” (maybe phrase this in advance as “ways to support me in the early days”) = lots of bonding time with older DC? Nappy duty as much as poss while you’re recovering so you aren’t bending/ crouching too much? Take on greater share of household chores? Agree priorities (eg no he won’t spend 4 hours on a Sat am cleaning the car) I’m waffling now, but hopefully you get the gist?

I know I always feel better when DH and I have a little chat about whatever’s been playing on my mind.

[eeanne]

Thanks MagicMoneyTree such sensible advice!

[MagicMoneyTree]

You’re welcome. Hopefully you’ll feel a bit better about things after a bit of a heart to heart xx

[JustPutSomeGlitterOnIt]

I posted a few months ago about exactly this too, and so many mums wrote back saying they'd been there. So you're definitely not alone!

I think it's totally natural to be concerned - I was so worried that nobody would get the attention they need.

It was tough for a month or so. Feeding newborns all day long was boring, and my toddler only wanted daddy for a bit which made me so upset.

But they're 3 months now, feeding and sleeping in a pattern, and it's like they've always been here. Toddler loves them, and pretty much ignores them now when they're needy and gets on with her playing.

I tell you 2 main things that helped me - my man gets up with toddler every morning while I feed the babies.
And I make sure he's home before I return from playgroup / cafe etc in the evening, so that he can help with all their demands that come the second we're through the door.


Do you have any childcare lined up?
Mine has 2 days a week and I use that to go into cooing overdrive for the babies.