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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

I want it, partner doesn't

27 replies

Lisalou07 · 18/10/2017 10:33

I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant 2 weeks ago, I’m on my way to my first doctors appointment since finding out. The baby wasn’t planned, but in my eyes, it’s a beautiful thing

I told my partner of 4 years on Saturday, and his first reaction was ‘you’re not having this baby!’ I was shocked and he didn’t really give me a chance to say that I want this baby. His reasons were, we will be unable to get married or buy a house when we have a baby and its not in our plan to have a baby now. He says get rid of it now, and we will try again in 2 years. I think getting married and buying a house can wait an extra year, as I do not want to get rid of this baby. I think if i was to have an abortion, I would regret it.

He asked me to apologise because I have not taken his feeling into account, I’ve listened to what he has said, but why should I apologise when it’s me that is going through this.

The stress is getting too much, and I don’t want to make myself or the baby ill. I want to keep this baby, but I also don’t want to lose my partner. Will he come around?

Xx

OP posts:

Report

Mrstobe90 · 18/10/2017 10:37

Oh my gosh your partner is being so selfish! I’m actually shocked.
After such a long time together, you’d think he’d be more supportive.

You are the one carrying this child so it is your time to be selfish. If you want to keep this baby, keep it. He will either have to step up or walk away and if he walks, you know where you stand and will save yourself from being in a marriage with someone that won’t support you.

Steeley113 · 18/10/2017 10:50

If you don't want to have an abortion, then don't. But be prepared for him to walk away.

Hairgician · 18/10/2017 11:08

He wants YOU to apologise?? What for?? Tell him to get to fuck. Do not abort if it's not what you want.
If he didn't want a baby yet he should have put something on it. Takes 2 to tango and all that.
What a cunt. What is it with men being such fuckwits when this happens.

SweetheartTreacleTart · 18/10/2017 11:09

I agree with the post above. Do not have an abortion if you don't want it. You can always get another man, but that baby could never be replaced not even by a new one. It will always haunt you, especially if the abortion was forced upon you.

Lisalou07 · 18/10/2017 11:53

I’m probably looking at doing this alone. He’s said to me this morning that I’m causing him so much stress with this all and he’s got stomach pains from it all. But what about the stress this is causing me? I’m not a selfish person, but at this time I need to be!

It annoys me because he thinks it’s his way or no way! 😢😢

OP posts:

ChocolatePancake · 18/10/2017 12:00

I'd tell him to jog on tbh

WhatevaPeeps · 18/10/2017 12:02

His reaction is very selfish and to be honest odd. Don’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t feel comfortable with.

muttmad · 18/10/2017 12:09

Do not make a decision based on your fear of loosing your OH, if you have a termination just to please him, you will end up resenting him and potentially living with huge regret, which will eventually drive you apart anyway.
You need to do what’s best for you, your OH has two choices, join you on this unexpected journey or walk away!
He may well realise what an idiot he’s been once the shock has worn off but don’t bank on it, you need to make your decision to include life without your OH.

bettydraper31 · 18/10/2017 12:46

I agree with everyone else. Speak to your doctor/midwife as well. They should ask about your home situation and if you are feeling supported, make sure you speak to them xx

1stX · 18/10/2017 12:52

He's a complete twat. Blaming you? You didn't do this deliberately and he shares half the responsibility.
Say you did go through with an abortion because he wants you to could you forgive him? Could you trust him again when he has treated you like this? Things will never be the same again between you both

You're in an awful position op. I'm so sorry. Think long and hard, discuss your options with your dr (and don't take anymore shot from 'D'p x

Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 18/10/2017 13:13

You’re causing him stress? Is he fucking serious? His me me me attitude tells you all you need to know.

If you stay and abort there’s every chance you’ll end up resenting him as he carries on as normal. Don’t abort for him, decide what you want to do. Your relationship may end regardless of what you do so make the decision for yourself.

Lisalou07 · 18/10/2017 13:24

I’m going to keep this baby regardless on if he stays or not.

I’m very stressed about the whole situation, I’ve taken the day off work because I’m tired, sick and haven’t eaten. This is becoming too much at the moment. This is my body, and I won’t be dictated to what I do with it.

Just makes me sad, as the person I love isn’t the person I thought he would be. 😢

OP posts:

Hairgician · 18/10/2017 13:35

Better to find out now than after you are married. I'm sorry you are in this situation. A baby is a life changing and daunting event even with a loving, supportive partner behind you. Def talk through everything with your gp/midwife. They will be able to support you. X

Raisedbyguineapigs · 18/10/2017 13:49

How will you feel about him though even if he does stay and you keep the baby? He has been a massive selfish twat. Id guess that you will resent him because of his behaviour whatever happens. He cannot guilt trip you into having an abortion you don't want by dangling the carrot of a house and a wedding over you. After 4 years, it's hardly a new relationship.

1stX · 18/10/2017 14:07

You'll be surprised what you're capable of on your own.
If you haven't told anyone else yet I'd consider your parents if your close or a best friend. It'll be good for you to talk it through with someone and you'll see that you're not alone xx

MagicMoneyTree · 18/10/2017 15:58

The cost of registering a marriage or civil partnership is £46 (plus an extra £4 for the marriage certificate itself). You might not have the money for a flash wedding, but the argument that you can't get married if you have the baby is bollocks. Not that he is sounding like marriage material right now anyway...

Your body, your choice. Don't have a termination if you don't want one.

CL1982 · 18/10/2017 16:46

I'd remind him it takes two to have a baby. By having sex with anyone unless you wear 2 condoms there is ALWAYS a risk. These things happen.

OP, you sound like you've made up your mind. It sounds like you need to give him an ultimatum without giving him an ultimatum. Could you let him know you're keeping it, that you want him there with you and that you don't want to have to go it alone if you don't have to and you're prepared to give him a month or so to think about it? Just a thought.

LadyRenoir · 18/10/2017 18:50

And what guarantee will you have he will be ready in 2/6/10 years time?
He sounds like a total d who just showed his true colours.
I was with my partner 6 months and when I told him I may have been pregnant (turned out I was not at that time, just period being late) I asked him what he thought of it, he almost cried I thought he would have left me. He was actually disappointed I was not pregnant after all.
It saddens me so much to hear of all the selfish men out there who have no consideration for other people except for themselves. You may be better off without him, and one day he will regret not supporting you.

CrmbleBee · 18/10/2017 19:44

He knew it was a possibility when he had sex with you and if he was so keen on not keeping the possible outcome he should have made that clear before this happened. Not your fault.

CrmbleBee · 18/10/2017 19:46

@ CL1982 Wearing two condoms actually increases the risk of the condoms breaking due to friction between the two. It's a common misconception, see link below:

kidshealth.org/en/teens/2-condoms.html

Viviennemary · 19/10/2017 00:02

What a horrible man he sounds. Even if he is shocked and worried his reactions are a disgrace. What does he mean you are not having this baby. That is absolutely not his business to say anything of the kind. I agree he has shown his true colours. Don't have an abortion if you don't want one. And certainly not on his say so.

bastardkitty · 19/10/2017 00:08

Stomach pains? I hope he goes into labour and delivers an 11lb poo. It's your decision. It sounds like you've made it. Just end it now and focus on you and your baby.

wobblywonderwoman · 19/10/2017 00:08

I would leave him. I don't say that lightly. Enough is enough. OK if he blurted something out initially but 'getting rid of it and trying in two years' is a disgusting thing to say when he knows you want the baby. Do you really need such a selfish man ? No

lollipop7 · 19/10/2017 00:23

You're causing HIM some much stress and HE'S got stomach pains??!!??

Christ, that alone would be enough for me. What a self absorbed twat.

cherryontopp · 19/10/2017 10:13

OP I had an abortion years ago when tknibf wasn't right, when I found the right person and started trying, it wasn't happening for nearly 3 years. Ended up having IVF.

If you want this baby,have it. Who says you can't get married and get a house if you've got a baby. asking you to apologise is just disgraceful quite frankly. It's his fault your pregnant as much as yours but if you decided to keep or terminate...It's your body who's going through it.

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