Pregnant- do it alone or terminate?

[Sarah86lou]

Sorry this is so long... Last January I had my head turned by a work colleague and it seems crazy but overnight my feelings changed for my boyfriend, I couldn’t stop thinking about my colleague. Anyway to cut a long story short we both broke up with our partners very quickly and got together. Me and my colleague got together and had a great few weeks together. Until he told me that he thought he’d made a mistake. He said he needed some time to himself to figure things out. I did the right thing and backed off completely and gave him the time and space that he needed but he continued to text me, I told him that unless he had decided he wanted to be with me that he needed to stop. He did for a few months; we continued to get on really well at work and somehow despite everything we remained good friends. Towards the end of last year he began to text me out of work again and I knew deep down that he still liked me and despite everything I still had feelings for him. And then in March this year we started to see each other again but decided we were going to take things slowly this time! We had a really nice few weeks together.

And then two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t believe it, I was distraught! I told him the day I found out and he was very calm and said he’d support me and we’d figure it out together. The week after was a bit of a blur we were both on autopilot. I saw him at work and we talked about it and mainly talked about me getting a termination… I mean who wants to bring a child into this world when they’ve only been together for a few weeks? Then the weekend arrived and I became extremely emotional and cut myself off from the outside world. I then struggled to go back to work the following week, luckily my employer is incredibly supportive and understanding and has said to take as much time as I need.

It really hit me about a week later that I actually had a baby growing inside of me. I was incredibly emotional, I felt overwhelmed, anxious, sad, guilty isolated and so alone! He tried to support me but didn’t really know how. He said he didn’t want to influence my decision but I felt like I needed to know exactly what he was thinking. He made it clear that he wasn’t ready to be a father, he wanted to be married before having children and if I did decide to keep the baby then he may well resent me for it. He came to my first appointment with me and we are still getting along well at the moment although I fear that will change if I decide to keep the baby.

I just don’t know what to do I literally hate the idea of aborting a baby and I’m not sure I’d ever get over it to be perfectly honest. He doesn’t seem to understand that because as far as he’s concerned I didn’t want this child, which I didn’t and I even took the morning after pill to prevent it. So to him it’s so obvious that a termination is the right thing to do. He’s made it clear that if I go through with this pregnancy then I’m on my own. He may change his mind but I’m not hopeful. He has said that he will see the child and support it. He is trying hard to support me but I know he’s terrified and he’s just not ready to become a father yet, and to be honest when I think about keeping it I feel incredibly guilty that I’m basically forcing him into parenthood, I hate the idea of that.

My family are extremely supportive and my parents have said that if he doesn’t come around then they think I should move in with them towards the end of the pregnancy so they can support me. Again I feel guilty as they’ve had their children and are both retired now and love going travelling etc.

The thought of being a single mum terrifies me. Luckily I’m financially stable and so can hopefully afford to support a baby on my own but I don’t know for sure I’ve not even thought about the cost at the moment.

Anyway I’m struggling to come to terms with this situation my Dr has said she’s happy to sign me off work with stress and anxiety but at the same time I feel I need to get on with my life and what good is it staying at home crying, but I’m struggling to function. He’s also just got a new job and is re-locating in the summer so will be about an hour away luckily he told me that he wanted to do this before he found out I was pregnant, but regardless as to whether I keep the baby or not he still plans on doing this. My family also live just over an hour away so I am well and truly on my own! I still haven’t told him if I’m keeping the baby or not so he’s in absolute turmoil, I realise that only when I tell him can he begin to come to terms with it but I’m scared he’ll hate me and I care for him so much that’s the last thing I want. People keep telling me that although we’ve only been seeing each other again for a few weeks there’s history there that he can’t ignore and that he’s a good guy and that he’ll come around but I’m not so sure. I know he tries to do the right thing but I think this is just too much. We are both in are early thirties… any advice would be much appreciated!

[MrsBobDylan]

I think you need to forget about the impact it may/may not have on him and focus on yourself.

If he's made it clear that you are on your own If you go through with this pregnancy then it means he is not willing to support you now while you make a decision.

You are the one facing all the responsibility for what was a joint mistake and he just doesn't deserve to have your sympathy or concern.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but he's been blowing hot and cold, and I think even if you do decide to terminate, you should ditch him.

Have you been offered counselling? I really think you would benefit talking to someone impartial who can help you work out your feelings.

[Sittinonthefloor]

No advice but a . Just maybe re-read your post and imagine someone else wrote it? What would you say?

[ArialAnna]

Reading your post it sounds to me like you want to keep the baby? If that's right that is what you should do. Even if dad doesn't come round, it sounds like you have the family support and your own finances to make it work.