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Stressed out! Greif off family

(8 Posts)
Hannabee123 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:13:09

Hi everyone

I've had 3 tests come back as positives and I am just waiting for my doctors appointment in a couple of days to get the ball rolling. I am pretty open with my parents as is my fiance. We decided to tell close family as this is going to be our first all being well.
His mum is over the moon for us and happy!
My family live 2 hours away so I have told them over the phone.
My mum is happy and looking forward to being a grandma! My dad was a little blown away at first but soon came around and said that he is happy and proud of me.

My sister however has now decided to remove me from her life, delete me from Facebook and have a rant at me saying basically that I wouldn't like her opinion and she doesn't want anything to do with me.
There is a little history on this subject... last year my sister found out she was pregnant and immediately wanted an abortion. Her partner left her while she was still pregnant and it turned in to one big mess. Although I'm not fond of the idea of abortions, I supported Her, stayed at her flat for a few days and ran out of work to go with her to get it done! I stayed with her again to make sure no complications occurred and so on. She has since got back with that guy and she wants another child and regrets having the abortion...

Now it seems I am in the firing line because of jealousy?? She is plastering my private life on her Facebook calling me an idiot.

I've only just found out I'm pregnant with my first child I'm so terrified and stressed about all kinds of things and now I don't know how to cope with this. I've said she doesn't have to be apart of anyone's life if that's what she wants.


Funnyonion17 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:17:45

Your sister sounds like she has major issues tbh. Take no notice and congratulations

littleoldladywho Fri 21-Apr-17 17:21:16

It's all a bit late now, but there is a reason people don't usually tell the world until the pregnancy is a bit further along. However, you were excited, etc etc. Presumably you knew your sister's history and experience and went in excited and pissed on her chips anyway. Sometimes, even in our most excited moments, it's better to exercise the smallest element of discretion. She sounds shocked and still grieving, whatever the circumstances of her termination. To slap 'jealousy' on her emotions is a bit reductive?

Ah well. Um, congratulations. i hope your pregnancy goes well and that you manage to heal the rift in your family.

floraeasy Fri 21-Apr-17 17:25:42

Your sister's feelings over her abortion have resurfaced with the news of your pregnancy. It's not fair to you and what she said must be unbelievably hurtful during this happy moment for you.

If you can, try to take the high road. I'd just send her a message saying that you will always be her sister, no matter what, and that you hope your news hasn't proved hurtful for her and that you are looking forward to her getting the child she wants too.

In other words, be the bigger person. She might feel embarrassed about her behaviour and unreservedly apologise. Then you can make up.

If not, well you'll have to leave her to it. At least you will know you did the right thing and will have nothing to feel guilty about.

I wish you all the best for a happy pregnancy flowers

Hannabee123 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:28:16

I am always open to my close family it is the way I always have been. I have always supported her through what she chose and I feel hurt that I don't already get the same respect. Instead I get made to feel like a piece of crap on her shoe because she can't be happy for me. I understand it may still have emotions for her but she is out of order I don't deserve it

kikibo Fri 21-Apr-17 19:17:06

Well, look at it this way: if you had waited until your 12-week scan, would her grief (because that's probably what it is, although she may not know it) have been less?

I've had an abortion too, long ago, at a time when I wasn't ready to be a mum nor my partner to be a proper dad, so I've never regretted it, but faced with a situation like her, maybe she feels it was unfair and that she 'had' to do it though she didn't really want to. That said though, she'll have to come to terms with the fact that you are expecting, as that's not going to change. I'd ignore it and not be in her face about your pregnancy. Having had problems conceiving, not due to any effects of that abortion though, I can understand that grief very well too and I think people should be more considerate about kiddies and ultrasound picks on Facebook.

Just wait for her to get over it and enjoy your pregnancy in the meantime.

GaladrielsRing Fri 21-Apr-17 23:14:22

Not the same situation but similar. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and told my family at 8 weeks after my first scan. I have 3 sisters, the one closest to me in age is having fertility problems after 1 healthy and 2 ectopic pregnancies and is Saving for ivf.
She has totally ignored me and my children since I told her, wouldn't accept the presents I sent her dd for her birthday, and won't respond to any messages, and has told my parents not to mention me in front of her or her husband as it's 'rubbing it in her face'

I completely understand her hurting but the world can't stop just because she's having trouble conceiving. I haven't stolen her baby or taken away her chances of becoming a parent but I'm being made to feel that it's my fault. She even told my mum that she wished that I wasn't pregnant.

It breaks my heart that she feels this way and that, by all accounts, my son will have an auntie he will never meet.

I think your sister is feeling guilty, but is projecting those feelings onto you, possibly as you were the one who supported her during her termination, so can justify saying it's your fault. It's a sad situation that I hope you can both resolve.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope it's happy and healthy.

Funnyonion17 Sat 22-Apr-17 11:31:42

Some people are just so self absorbed it's unreal. As PP stated about her sister and the OP too, hmm.

I have all the sympathy for those suffering or struggling, but when they start being vindictive and making everything about them... It stops. It is possible to be happy for someone else but sad about your own situation without the need to destroy another person to make yourself feel better. I wouldn't pander to it tbh, stay clear until they can behave like an adult.

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