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18 month and a newborn

(11 Posts)
emilyjayne5 Fri 24-Mar-17 13:03:22

I'm currently pregnant with my second and My first will be 18 months old when he's born,so I'm naturally terrified!
I have no idea how my little girl will take having someone else having the attention. In my head she's still a baby herself and she still relies on me for everything so I'm so worried for when this baby comes along, how will she take it all? Or will she even know anything has changed?

mistermagpie Fri 24-Mar-17 13:31:28

I'm due my second baby any day now and my DS is 20 months. He doesn't know anything about the baby, I think he's still too little to understand although we talk to him about it and how he will be a big brother soon.

One thing we're doing is shared parental leave, so my DH is taking three months off when the baby is born. We did it when DS was born anyway, but this time I figure that DH can still give DS all the attention he needs while I get to grips with breastfeeding etc. Is this something you can do?

emilyjayne5 Fri 24-Mar-17 14:10:49

I'm at stay at home mum, It made sense for us for me to stay at home when my first was born. So when my other half goes back to work after 2 weeks, it's just going to be me and the baby for 8+ hours a day!

Snoopysimaginaryfriend Fri 24-Mar-17 14:15:24

I'm due my second when my DD will be about 14.5 months. Obviously she has no idea what's going on but everyone I've spoken to who has been in a similar position says that, although it is hard work at first, there is no jealousy because they will never remember not having a sibling.

mistermagpie Fri 24-Mar-17 14:23:56

Yes most people say that the first year is really really hard but after that they will be great playmates for each other. There are 16 months between me and my brother and I think we got on we'll as children although we hate each other now!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Fri 24-Mar-17 14:24:41

It will be fine. It takes a little while to get used to it but at 18 months it won't take her too long to adjust & in the early days you just do what you need to. I have a 14 month gap between dc1 & 2, 20 months between 2 & 3 then 28 months between 3 & 4. All being well there will be 26 months this time between 4 & 5. I'm due in August & I'm still unsure whether it's a good or bad thing that baby is due during the summer hols grin

5moreminutes Fri 24-Mar-17 14:28:10

It depends on your DD, but do talk to her about it, she certainly will notice something has changed. My DC1 was 24 months, and 6 months is a massive difference at that age, but she understood really well that there was a baby growing in my tummy who would be her very own brother etc. She was cross with the sonographer at a private scan we had partly so she could be there when she was 19 months - the sonographer told her the baby was a boy, and she shouted No! First we thought she wanted a girl, but then she said "he's a baby not a boy!" - turned out she thought of someone like her when we said girl or boy, babies are babies, boys and girls are children... grin

She also asked who the baby's Mummy would be, but I think that was because she had known me as a child minder ever since she could remember and thought I was looking after the baby but that I could only be her Mummy...

So even tiny tots can have some quite unexpected misunderstandings and thoughts - do talk to her.

My DD was a brilliant big sister as a toddler, never once showed any aggression or dislike of her sibling, though she was quite naughty while i was stuck breastfeeding, transparently seeking attention by climbing etc - understandable though. She recruited DC2 into her make believe games as soon as he could crawl, and they were inseparable between the ages of 3 & 1 - 9 & 7.

If you can get on with a wrap style sling / babywearing I really recommend it. DC2 virtually lived in a sling until he was 6 months old, meaning I could be hands free and push DC1 on the swing or whatever. I mostly stuck him in the sling and carried in with dc1 as I had while pregnant, going to toddlers groups and the park etc. I liked having him close but concentrating on her, and he was very chilled as a baby.

miserableandinpain Fri 24-Mar-17 19:13:54

It will be fine. 18 months between my 1st 2 and it can be challenging but fine. Ds1 was a bit confused for the first day but was haopy with a baby and came to meet him at the hospital. Maybe have a present for the baby to give to your other child x

miserableandinpain Fri 24-Mar-17 19:14:05

It will be fine. 18 months between my 1st 2 and it can be challenging but fine. Ds1 was a bit confused for the first day but was haopy with a baby and came to meet him at the hospital. Maybe have a present for the baby to give to your other child x

mistermagpie Fri 24-Mar-17 20:04:54

5more, see my DS is the same age your DD was but he has nowhere near that grasp on language. He barely calls me mummy let alone is able to ask who the baby's mummy will be! We tell him about the baby in mummy's tummy etc, but I don't think he has any idea what that means.

5moreminutes Fri 24-Mar-17 20:29:52

mister yep DD's language was really good at that age (neither of her brothers were quite as quick to talk fluently) but I always think that the odds are fairly high that even when a toddler can't explain themselves quite as well they might have some of the same misconceptions/ feelings, even though they can't quite put them into words inside their heads or aloud.

I'd keep talking about what's happening anyway - people who unthinkingly assume the toddler won't understand and so don't bother explaining anything set the older child up to be upset and jealous in some cases, but of course every child is different and really nobody can decide what a child they don't know will deal with best.

DD is still good at languages now and taking the modern foreign language stream at school but its a specific talent and she's a bit crap at maths and has a tutor

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