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Feeling judged after trip to MDAU at 37w(26 Posts)
Feeling a bit upset and just wanted to see if anyone else had similar experiences.
Woke up this morning and didn't feel baby at all, which was unusual. Drank a cold drink and had something to eat and then lay on my side for 45 mins (which is what my community midwife always advises) and still nothing. Tried poking and also sat up for a bit as sometimes I feel baby more then. After around 1hour 10 mins no movement I called MDAU but they were closed so went through to delivery suite and explained situation to them. They told me to come in and go to MDAU which would be opening soon.
Went in and midwife was very nice- listened in and put me on monitor and all was well - a big relief. However she did make a point of saying I should have left it longer before going in (2-3 hours) which I will absolutely take heed of, although it's a little confusing as they NHS leaflet suggests getting in touch straight away if you're worried about reduced movements and my community midwife has advised if nothing after 45 mins to call. She also wrote in my notes that I self referred as I was anxious and didn't want to wait at home, which I feel is not entirely representative given that I followed the guidance I had been given, called and was told to go in.
I've also now got to see a consultant and go for a sccan as this is the third time I've been in - once at 26 w (anterior placenta so just couldn't feel much), and then at 34w and now.
The main thing - of course - is that the baby is fine and I am really grateful to have received such good treatment. However, I can't help but feel like the midwife thought I was being hasty/overdramatise/over anxious and feel quite judged and a bit upset. DP says I am being over sensitive which is probably right, but I just wanted to see if anyone else had similar experiences?
I was having visual disturbances and was very swollen (everywhere!!) at 30 weeks so I visited the GP who told me to immediately go to the unit. When I got there I had pretty much the same experience. The midwives were kind but I could hear them rolling their eyes at me IYSWIM. I felt like an over reacting anxious mum to be but wouldn't have gone unless the doctor had said to. DH felt I was being over sensitive but to be honest I'd concentrate on the fact the baby is well and just forget how they made you feel. Difficult I know!
I don't think that's right at all. I was always told to go straight in if I was worried about anything. That's what they're there for!
I went a times with my pregnancies for various things and they always assured me I did the right thing and took me seriously and made sure I was fully reassured before I left. Maybe you just caught this particular midwife on a very bad day.
Please don't be put off in future, you did the right thing!
Very similar experience I'm afraid at 29 weeks. I find it very confusing that everyone says if you notice any difference to get in touch with someone but then people tell you to wait three hours ect. I have suffered extreme anxiety throughout this pregnancy which is a mixture of worrying about baby's health and being seen as a time waster by the hospital. It's so hard to strike the balance.
Thank you all, it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one with this experience and that I did the right thing to call and then go in.
Jollybobs - the eye rolling thing is exactly what I felt, and I think the fact she wrote in my notes that I self referred as I didn't want to wait at home reinforced that (especially when I'm not entirely sure that's the most accurate representation of what happened!). I'm a bit worried now that the consultant will have me down a massive time waster now I have to see them.
That said, the thing to focus on is that the baby is fine and it's an infinitely better outcome to leave MDAU feeling silly and judged but largely reassured than there be something wrong.
I would always err on the side of caution and go in. I think you did exactly the right thing in going, and anyway you didn't just present yourself, you rang up and were advised to go in. It was unusual to you, you were worried. Yes, it would have been less work for the MW if you'd left it longer to see if movements came, and they had, but what if they hadn't. It isn't her baby she's waiting on movement for, is it? You wouldn't risk it if it was your baby, and so you didn't, she's a bit thick if she can't get that.
You will most likely never see this midwife again once your baby is here, so I'd carry on doing exactly the right thing for your baby, smile politely at her and ignore everything she says.
Secondly, IS there a reason why you have had concerns about movement three times? I don't mean are you overly anxious, I mean IS the baby moving less sometimes? Is there a reason behind this? This is what the consultant will want to exclude and its brilliant they have given you an appointment to do a detailed scan to check this out.
I would say, until you have had this scan, and the consultant is happy, do be extra vigilant. Go in every single time you have a concern. Don't let this midwife make you leave it longer if it happens again. If they protest,, tell them I'm not willing to risk anything until the consultant is reassured all is ok.
I had a referral to a consultant for 3x reduced movements, and nothing showed up on a scan that was a concern at all, consultant said all seemed good, but then offered to induce that day just in case, which I was shocked by as it hadn't occurred to me they would, so maybe have a think about how you would feel about this suggestion if they asked you in advance.
In my first pregnancy I got told off by a consultant for leaving it too long before calling about reduced movements. (He was right, I was stupid, I left it about 24 hours because I was at a funeral and put it down to not fully concentrating
In my first pregnancy I got told off by a consultant for leaving it too long before calling about reduced movements on the first occasion. (He was right, I was stupid, I left it about 24 hours because I was at a funeral and put it down to not fully concentrating).
On the second and third occasions I got the eye rolling and told movements reduce near the end due to space etc which I believe is not strictly true. This was after waiting about 3 hours and trying all the usual things to prompt movements.
In the end I thought sod them, I know my body and what's normal. They are there to do a job not eye roll and pull faces. Always go if you are concerned.
This is my second pregnancy and the first was overseas. I really feel UK midwives are dismissive compared with my previous experience. I understand they are over-worked, under-staffed, etc but they will go to any lengths to minimise their workload
I've left it 5-6 hours before (a few episodes in my last pregnancy) and was told off for leaving it too long. You can't win really and 'reduced' movement is such a vague and subjective concept anyway.
I was given the 'eye-rolling' treatment (not literally, but that's how it felt) recently when I went in with a bleed. I phoned and was told to go straight in, but treated like a bit of a time-waster despite that being my 4th bleed in as many weeks (from around 30-34 weeks). A friend of mine went in with a bleed last week and was scanned immediately and taken seriously, so I guess it depends who you get.
I'm not medically trained but don't they write an accurate account in your notes? You did self-refer and she wrote that down. I can't see what else she could or should have written.
I didn't go in as I was worried about making a fuss and I nearly lost my baby to HELLP syndrome. It's better to go in
Also went in with bleed and they were lovely, very reassuring, emphasised that it's better safe than sorry etc. Think it's luck of the day - you might get someone on a bit of a bad day but still better to go in when advised than not.
Moussemoose I don't feel what she wrote was entirely accurate but I'm not medically trained either so perhaps not familiar enough with the language. I took self refer to mean that I just rocked up at MAU, whereas I had specifically called first to ask for advice and was then told to come in. Likewise with 'didn't want to wait at home' - that was never something I implied or said, I simply followed the guidance I had been given about calling if there were concerns about reduced movement and was told to go in, if the midwife on the phone had suggested to wait at home and see for another hour or two, I would have done.
Smokymountains - thanks, that's really helpful to know in terms of your experience. I'm not really sure why the 3 episodes - my assumption is the first at 26w was due to anterior placenta, and MW said she had probably moved a bit so movements felt reduced. For the past two episodes, I don't know - I think it's been very noticeable (or not!) to me as baby seems particularly active once I've had a drink or food (on these two occasions, she wasn't at all) and lying and sitting in certain positions (on my side with my knees bent or sitting up straight with my arms folded across top of bump) usually provokes some movement and it didn't. I'm very grateful to see a consultant and have a scan to hopefully rule out anything untoward, I was just worried that s/he too might view me as a bit of a time waster. How far along were you when they offered induction after reduced movements?
You did the right thing.
I only went in once and the midwives and hospital staff were amazing. They said they would rather see 100 people come in and for it all to be fine than to hear about one person who didn't come in and a tragedy happened.
I had apologised for wasting their time.
Please please don't feel like you did the wrong thing. If it happens again go in.
99% of people find out that everything is fine but don't take that chance.
You did the right thing. Checking your baby is okay is more important than what they think.. I think sometimes they are so busy and see so many women whos worries are unfounded that they can be a bit brusque or eye rolly.
I had my baby a month ago, it was meant to be a planned section but my waters broke a week early, so I went to hospital.. they said to come back in 24hrs for the section (which they had brought forward) but I insisted on staying in hospital as I was leaking heavily. I waited for a bed.. then that evening I felt the cord in my knickers because it had prolapsed! It turned into a crash section which happened within 5 mins. Not sure what would have happened if I'd gone home... Sorry I'm babbling but basically trust your instincts. Your baby being okay versus someone thinking you're a bit anxious... who will probably forget it about it 5 mins after... no contest!
You absolutely did the right thing.
IME in 3 pregnancies I found a big difference between midwives and doctors - midwives tended to minimise concerns and adopt the default attitude that you're being silly and should be sent home asap. Doctors always listened and looked at the facts and the current guidance.
Don't let this put you off OP, your safety and that of your baby is more important than any eye roll.
I was 38+1 when I saw the consultant....was a monday, had 3rd episode of reduced movements on the Friday beforehand, so appointment was 3 days later.
I had quite a poor obstetric history and i don't know if this made a difference or not, maybe (?)
I was induced much later that evening, i'd been home got bags etc and waited for a call to say they had capacity, got to hospital at 10pm, but was a looong process, baby not born till the thursday.
A couple of midwives I'd encountered clearly felt due to my history I was overanxious and getting worked up over nothing.
Consultants view was that women don't imagine they can't feel their babies moving, it is actually happening. So he thought not worth the risk in case there was an episodic issue the scan wasn't seeing.
As it happens, and this is unusual, in my case there was actually an issue developing with the placenta. This doesn't happen that often, apparently, but my God I was glad I didn't let the MW attitude me into not checking things.
"midwives tended to minimise concerns and adopt the default attitude that you're being silly and should be sent home asap. Doctors always listened and looked at the facts and the current guidance"
I agree with this x100.
Self refer just means that, you, not community mw, ante natal clinic or gp, initiated visit, completely routine language and not judgy or eye roll-y in itself. But sorry you were made to feel like that. As a midwife we operate a breezy, better safe than sorry attitude at all times where I work, the alternative is pretty unthinkable!
I went in 3 times for reduced movements with my son (and was induced on the 3rd occasion). Only once on any of those occasions did I come across a medical professional who made me feel like I was being a bit daft. Everyone else was so kind, assured me that I had done the right thing in going in and that if I had any further concerns to go straight back in. They told me to view it as the clock resetting every time and not to not go in just because everything was OK last time. Your baby comes first in everything so don't let anyone make you feel like you did the wrong thing getting checked
Thanks Rapidly - I had made a big assumption there so appreciate understanding the actual terminology. And just to say, the midwife that I saw was very nice and clearly took things seriously - listened in, put me on monitor, checked BP and now has referred to consultant all of which I am very grateful for. I just felt slightly told off/ made to feel like I was being overanxious when she said I should have left it longer, which as PP have said is difficult to judge when you're given quite different advice about something fairly subjective anyhow. She did say that the advice on the NHS leaflet given out about RFM has led to them having a lot more women presenting, so I do understand from their point of view if they are seeing a huge increase of people coming in and don't always have the resource to deal with it it can be challenging, but likewise, as a patient who just followed the advice I had been given, I'm not sure that's really my fault and previously I've always been told that it's better to be safe than sorry.
I think I'll just put it down to experience and be confident that I know my own body and instincts and that feeling a bit silly or judged is much preferable to any other outcome should I feel I need to go in again.
I think any amount of eye rolling is worth it to have peace of mind. It's not a bad thing to listen to your instincts. I went in on my 3rd pregnancy quite close to due date and said that things didn't feel right. They monitored movement and all fine, but I just knew the baby was moving in a completely different way - it all felt wrong, wrong, wrongity wrong. God bless the consultant who said "huh, well this is your third baby so you probably know what you're talking about, let's give you a scan" and found the placenta had mostly stopped functioning and we needed to get her out asap.
Maybe it's because it not my first rodeo but I if I'm worried, I getting it checked out. They are welcome to eyeroll all they like - as long as my baby is ok then I couldn't care less.
I think in general most midwives are lovely wit things like reduced movement - if you are unlucky enough to get one who isn't, don't let them put you off of doing the right thing and checking your baby is ok.
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