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Regretting abortion due to Hyperamasis

(9 Posts)
user1475665394 Thu 09-Feb-17 09:42:00

I'm 38 and have two children 11 & 9, back in September I found out I was pregnant (not sure how!), this wasn't planned and I had doubts due to my age and the age gap. At 6 weeks at started with morning sickness, and to cut along story shore ended up in hospital and was diagnosed with Hyperamasis. Hyperamasis is a horrible thing to have I certainly don't have the words to explain what it's like, it's similar to having a sickness bug everyday all day x 20. I couldn't stand the smell of things and the feeling of movement around me such as husband turning in bed moving round the bed, even putting his socks on, everything churned my stomach. You go through the motions of being sick but not actually bringing anything up 30-40 times a day. I continued like this for 5 weeks spending most of the time in hospital. It was sole destroying and made me feel like a cabbage! I then choose to have an abortion and I can't forgive myself for doing so. At the time I was 100% sure at the time I was making the right decision but not I totally regret it and can't get it out of my head. It consumes me all the time, I do get on with life as normal and put in this front. I had a scan at 6 & 10 weeks and saw my baby and the heartbeat and I just can't get it into my head that I actually killed that heartbeat and did what I did, it's not like me, even other people can't believe I did it as it's so uncharacteristic of me. I have thought about getting pregnant again but know that I would have a high chance of Hyperamasis again, I do think that I could maybe cope with it better knowing what I know now, but is having another baby really the answer, as it feels as though I'm trying to replace the one I killed? I can talk to people and my husband kinds of understands but it's not the same for them, he Won't remember the due date in years to come or think about how far on I would be now (24wks). It's really affecting my relationship with him, he's not doing anything wrong and is trying but it's me, I'm just pushing him away. I feel that maybe by getting this out on here may help me and help me to move on.

lifeisazebracrossing Thu 09-Feb-17 09:55:33

flowers

What an awful situation to be in. I had bad sickness for a month - nothing in comparison to hyperemesis and I really struggled with it. I remember thinking how awful it must be to have such severe sickness and how abortion must come to mind. If you consider becoming pregnant again, maybe seek counselling and get medical advice about anti sickness medication available. Doctors are reluctant to prescribe this but they can when it's as severe as yours was.

RNBrie Thu 09-Feb-17 09:59:12

I think you've suffered a trauma, the time in hospital and the loss of your child. I know it was your decision but it was a decision you took in extreme circumstances. Can you access some counselling? Having another baby won't resolve how you feel about the one you lost although it might be something you choose to do in the future I don't think one can replace the other.

flowers for you.

Starsindarkness1 Mon 27-Feb-17 20:51:38

I know exactly how you're feeling. I've recently had a termination of a much wanted baby due to HG as well. I was just over 8wks and had already been hospitalised twice. Sickness started at 5.3wks and even being on three lots of sickness tablets the nausea wouldn't stop. I couldn't get out of bed, eat or drink for days at a time. I couldn't even swallow my own saliva. My partner had to work and my mum had my children for me as I laid in bed 24/7. I got so depressed and couldn't see another way out. I chose to abort. I now can't forgive myself. HG clouds your thoughts and turns you into someone you're not. I wish now I tried other stuff. Pushed doctors for different pills, tried more 'old wives tales'. I was so weak I just couldn't see clearly. It felt like I was being poisoned. I'm sorry I can't give advice for you. But I do understand how you feel. I don't know how I can carry on living with the decision I made. I'm 36, a mum to three beautiful children, but that still doesn't fill the void I've now got. I wish you all the best, I really do xxxx

GatoradeMeBitch Mon 27-Feb-17 21:49:26

Counselling sounds like a very good idea. It sounds like it was very recent, no wonder that it's dominating your thoughts.

Ending a pregnancy because of severe illness is completely understandable. Give yourself some time to heal and talk to your GP about therapy options.

WTFRUon Mon 27-Feb-17 22:28:33

You poor thing! My favourite saying is 'you always make the right decision at the time with the information you had, if you later have more information that makes you "regret" or mean you would have made a different decision, remember .... you made the right decision at the time. I think you may be suffering PTSD. Please talk to your GP about CBT. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible time xx

Primaryteach87 Mon 27-Feb-17 22:34:41

I had HG with both my children. It's incredibly difficult and although I didn't decide to terminate I fully understand the decision. I was fortunate that I found pills that sort of helped, had a mum who moved in full time and a husband who works from home and did everything. Even so, I was almost suicidal. I didn't want to die but if dying would have brought an end to it then that was fine.

I think you need to view it as a pregnancy loss like a miscarriage. You didn't want to have an abortion but you couldn't safely continue and have your baby. Allow yourself to grieve. This is a horrible thing that happened TO you not something you did. Hugs.

TrickyKid Mon 27-Feb-17 22:41:57

So sorry you're regretting your decision. I can totally understand why you had an abortion. I had hyperemesis with both my pregnancies and your compleatly right about not being able to explain to someone who's not had it, how bad it really is.
I used to wish everyday that I was no longer pregnant with my first 😕
I convinced myself it wouldn't happen 2nd time but it was the same and anti sickness tables were usless.
Dealing with this while you have other children to care for is awful and in your position I would've done the same thing.
Hope things get easier for you x

Hgmother Mon 27-Feb-17 22:49:19

I have hyperemesis, I'm in hospital with it now for the umpteenth time in 8 weeks. I know how horrid it is, how soul destroying it is. I myself am booked in in 2 weeks for a termination because I can't cope any more. I'm so sorry you regret your decision, have you asked for councilling to help you come to terms with your loss? It might help to talk it out with a 3rd party. Again, I'm so sorry for you and I hope you can eventually come to terms with everything flowers

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