35, married, unsure about pregnancy

[Nigella35]

Hi, I just found out at Christmas im pregnant and we had been trying for a few months. My husband was always really keen on a baby and I was about 60/40 for having one but I did have doubts. I'm now 5-6 weeks pregnant and all I can think about is the negative, I cant seem to see any happiness in it at all and I feel sick with worry I've ended up doing the wrong thing. I do suffer with quite bad anxiety anyways and take citalopram for it and also see a counsellor but this has knocked me for 6. My husband is really happy but I'm just not.

Im hoping the more I get used to the idea the less anxious I will be but at the moment I'm really not sure I want this. I dont know if its the anxiety taking over or if this is how I really feel. I want to want the baby and be happy but right now I just dont.

Anyone else feeling the same?

[AverageJosephine]

It's very common to feel blue during pregnancy, especially in the first months. It's a huge thing and can be quite a shock even when planned and wanted.

I don't know what else to say other than reassure you that it's normal to feel like this.

[Nigella35]

Thanks, Im hoping it will pass. Im hoping my thinking about getting rid of it is just initial silly thinking and shock and i'll calm down over time. I know my husband would never forgive me if I did that.

[Writerwannabe83]

Hi nigella,

I have a son who is coming up three and for the last 18+ months I really wanted a second child. It took me a long time to convince my husband, then I had a miscarriage and now, after another 10 months of trying I'm finally pregnant again, currently just over 7 weeks.

Initially I was so happy and excited but after a week or so I found doubts starting to creep in, worrying about how I would cope being pregnant with a toddler, how would I cope with looking after two, thinking about all the ways our life will have to change etc - all I could think about what the negatives. I've known about my pregnancy for just over 3 weeks now and I still find myself having feelings of dread at times. I hate myself for it because I so desperately wanted another baby but I can't stop wondering if we made the right decision.

However, making such a huge change to your life is scary and having doubts is completely normal. The idea and fantasy of being pregnant becomes a lot less rose tinted when you actually get that positive test and you know there's no going back. Having a baby is a huge, huge deal and it's normal to have fears about how your life is going to be affected.

I'm trying to brush my negative thoughts to one side for the time being and just let myself come to terms with the news. I've got an early scan booked this Friday (due to my previous miscarriage) and I'm pretty sure that once I see the baby and the heartbeat things will seem much brighter.

[Nigella35]

It's nice to know other people feel the same way. I was on holidays over Christmas and even though it was still worrying me I was able to put it aside and even look at some baby things and even felt a bit of excitement. As soon as I came home Im back to being anxious again. I dunno myabe its just the reality of it all, plus I've never been really maternal either but I do love spending time with my niece and nephew though.

[abeandhalo]

I really did feel like this for the first few weeks of my pregnancy, even though he was on purpose. But as the pregnancy has gone on, I've got so used to him in there that I've become v attached to him.

I could only think of the negatives too but as time goes on, & people have gifted us cute shoes & things I've been able to imagine that he might be a good thing & not ruin our lives!

[GinIsIn]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant. Still not sure we've done the right thing, I honestly think it's very common to feel this way but people just don't talk about it!

[lauryloo]

I suffered from the worst prenatal depression to the point I wanted to end the pregnancy. But my dd is now 18 months old and she's such a blessing

With your anxiety it's normal to feel overwhelmed by this big change xx

[annlee3817]

It's a big thing to get your head around, you find out your pregnant and all of a sudden a million "what it's" pop into your head. I suffer with anxiety and currently having CBT for jt, and remember feeling very nervous, I felt a lot different as the pregnancy progressed and once my DD was born I was overwhelmed with love for her. I know not everyone feels like that, and it's not as clear cut as that, I still get anxious but 19 months into being a Mum I am getting help for that. It's good that you're already seeing a counsellor as they can help you work through this and maybe help you work out if it's just the anxiety talking or how you really feel. Wishing you luck

[annlee3817]

"what ifs" not what it's... Stupid autocorrect

[NameChange30]

Hmmm, 60/40 is pretty on the fence about whether you actually want a child.
It's normal to feel anxious and overwhelmed when you get pregnant but most people do feel pretty sure they want to get pregnant in the first place.
Being pregnant is hard and being a parent is even harder, of course it also brings a lot of love and joy, but if you were on the fence in the first place, it must make the difficult aspects even harder.
Did you feel pressured into it by your DH?

I wonder if there is more of a backstory here, but without knowing that, my advice is to keep going to counselling and talking it through.

[mya83]

i think as a previous poster said, the reality of actually being pregnant is very different to the idea of getting pregnant, and it's so much easier for men to feel positive about it- it's not their bodies, it's. its not their pain, it's usually not their career on the line either so I do think us women have a lot to get our heads round.
At the end of the day, you need to remember that it is your body and whilst your partner may be upset about you feeling this way, ultimately you have every right to make the best decision for you. You are still very early so still have options and time to think. Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope it all works out and I hope whatever you decide to do you reach a decision you feel positive about x