Loosing the will to live

[pinkpixiepanda]

This is the first time I've posted on here, I just hope there is one person in the world that understands
I'm 32 weeks pregnant and just feel like I can't go on anymore. Ive been so ill since day one, in so much pain that I can't even walk now without crutches.
There are a good 10 people I know that are also pregnant that's are either 32 weeks or further along and they are just flying through it! I feel so pathetic like I should just be able to get on with it like they are.
I have to be honest I never wanted children so I even shocked myself when I told my husband I wanted a baby. I'm scared now that I'm going to resent my baby when she arrives.
My husband has been great and so supportive.
I'm sick of people saying not long now it will all be over.
I suffer with depression and anxiety too and even though it's probably a contributing factor to how I'm feeling I just hope that after baby is born I'll level out a bit!
Thanks for reading

[Tinyhumanjan17]

Hi op I suffer with depression and anxiety too and have been in and I out of day unit with various things since 28w so I know exactly how u feel although I haven't suffered with pgp

I sympathise with u so much its absolutely horrible I remember being about 30w and sobbing to oh that I couldn't do another 10w of it. I'm now 39w tomorrow and it's still horrible but iv tried to think positively and of all the good Things and that's really helped me get through the worst bits.

All I can say is to try and think of the end result and that this is a means to an end albeit a horrible means. Sending good thoughts

[Lovelongweekends]

It will pass, this won't be forever. I do sympathise though, I had terrible spd and found 28 weeks- 36 weeks the hardest as there just seemed to be no end in sight (plus it was the summer holidays and I had a 5yr old and a 2yr old to entertain!).
Don't compare yourself to anyone else, I was pregnant at the same time as two other mums on the school run, they sailed through their pregnancies, popped the baby out and were back on the school run the next day. I could barely walk or breathe or sleep, I had to have a c-section so didn't reappear on the school run for 3weeks! Every pregnancy is different!
It is worth it in the end though (and Iwas the least maternal person ever before I had my dc!)

[Phoenix76]

I remember wobbling down the high street feeling thoroughly miserable and then feeling thoroughly guilty as I should have been happy to be pregnant, seeing other pregnant ladies seemingly glide like swans looking all healthy and happy and thinking "what's wrong with me, what have I done?". Even the thought of one more day being pregnant made me panic, everything just felt dark and heavy. The nights were long. Anyway, when they put my baby in my arms, my god, I can't explain the total euphoria and joy I felt. It all just disappeared and I was in total awe of what I'd created. I also had worried it would affect my relationship with baby (also had depression) but couldn't be further from the truth! You won't believe this, went on to have another! It does get better!

[MatildaWormwoodRoolsOK]

31 weeks tomorrow, and feeling very similar. Hard, innit.

One lesson I have learned though, not to compare oneself with others. DS's best friend's mum is also pregnant, and still working and dancing and climbing Ben Nevis (not literally, but it feels that way to watch her) and I have had to learn to be smile and be happy for her and not feel that I should be able to do likewise. Hang in there.

[Pointlesscrap]

It is very difficult, please remember all pregnancies are different. My last pregnancy I worked right until the end only stopped a week before having my ds. This time round I've barely left the house I've been in so much pain with my sciatica and generally just feeling unwell. 31 weeks now and it seems like it's never going to end but it does. Try doing something just for you be it a spa day or a nice meal with friends the days will soon turn into weeks and before you know it you will be holding your precious baby x

[SussexTeacher]

I'm on crutches, can't walk at all. Can't put any weight on my left leg, struggle to sit down. My husband has to put trousers on me. I've been like this since 25 weeks and I'm 29 now. I know exactly how you feel. I cry daily as the doctors tell me I need to wait another 13 weeks to be able to walk.

Its fucking shit! But I'm holding onto the fact that one day it will all make sense....

[AmeliaJack]

The last bit of pregnancy is hard don't feel badly that you aren't enjoying it.

Yes, some people fly through but they may find other parts of parenting hard that you'll find easy. It's all swings and roundabouts.

Having a newborn is hard but also wonderful. Speak to your midwife for support if you are struggling/worried about depression/anxiety - it's their job to support you and they have lots of experience.

I'm sure you'll adore your little girl. Best wishes.

[Achtungbaby2]

I feel exactly like you Op in terms of being over it. I am 34 weeks have hyperemesis and am sick to death of the 24 hr nausea and vomitting. Everyone around me who is pregnant is breezing through. I am counting down the days till i can feel normal again.

[pinkpixiepanda]

Thank you everybody, your messages made me smile so glad I'm not the only one!
Thinking about things last night I think I feel so guilty about complaining about being pregnant is because my aunty who is a similar age to me is desperate for a baby but is unable to have one so I feel like I don't have a right to complain because at least I will have my baby!
I'll keep smiling and keep pushing through I've managed this far!