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You may get laugh on my misery [confused] .... In laws coming in evening

(16 Posts)
Saku Sat 17-Dec-16 16:25:34

This is my rant and rave... I dont know where to share ... as after all they are DH parents and I can say very limited (carefully chosen) words about them..

I am 38+3 ... with second... They are coming to help out...... .. much awaited (by DH) visit from other country (That means stay will be longer 2-3 months)...
but I am going mad, crazy, very anxious..in my mind everything is going upside down... I may look calm from out side........
There are many +ves of their visit also.. as they can look after DS1 when we will be busy hospital... I have not to worry about food, cleaning and house hold etc. after delivery and all..
But last time when they came on DS1 time.. my MIL nose on everything.. she always try to prove that how her way of doing things are better than me... even how to taking care of DS1 also can be better... giving unwanted advises... FIL even questioned our 2nd pregnancy when we gave them news by saying .. "are you sure about this and the timing??" when DH told yes we are sure and it was a planned one and would like to invite them at birth time and for helping out .. then they felt exited... may be exited about visit.. more than pregnancy confused
I complained a bit of MIL behaviour to DH ... then he said he knows her behaviour and I also know .. just listen from one ear and throw by other if whatever I dont like...As she is helping out .. and will be here only for some time.
I was also expecting their visit as we dont have anyone here from family to help out sad ...I tried and trying to keep calm... but as the time coming ... It is getting on my nerves.... I dont know ?? how to look and stay calm and not to be anxious??

Thanks for reading

MouseLove Sat 17-Dec-16 21:56:03

It's 2-3 months. Smile nod and fake cry when they fly home. Then forget everything they've said to you. If you don't want the advice, just thank them but do it your way. Parents will ALWAYS try to tell you how you should do things, just like I'm sure you'll be telling your children the same. It's a perk of being a grandparent. Lol wink

seven201 Sat 17-Dec-16 22:01:46

There is no way on earth I'd have my in-laws to stay for that long! My mum is sadly dead, but if she were alive there is no way I'd want her (who I loved very much) staying for more than even a few days! No no no. I think you need to sit down and have a frank conversation with your husband and say they can't stay that long. How many bedrooms do you have? I am one of those people who can't stand people dishing out advice when it's not asked for. Of course i can cope with small doses but if they're living with you shock.

seven201 Sat 17-Dec-16 22:02:25

There is no way on earth I'd have my in-laws to stay for that long! My mum is sadly dead, but if she were alive there is no way I'd want her (who I loved very much) staying for more than even a few days! No no no. I think you need to sit down and have a frank conversation with your husband and say they can't stay that long. How many bedrooms do you have? I am one of those people who can't stand people dishing out advice when it's not asked for. Of course i can cope with small doses but if they're living with you shock.

Nikki2ol6 Sat 17-Dec-16 22:09:22

Oh wow you are so brave!!! I would crack up after 2-3 days never mind 2-3months 😱 I'm terribly sorry I have no idea how I'd stay calm but perhaps this time will be better than with your first? I found the inlaws to be better about our second than first as they realised with my first I wasn't putting up with their rubbish so with our second they didn't even try to give their input

seven201 Sat 17-Dec-16 22:47:25

Good point from nikki. My MIL definitely gives out less advice than she used to as she knows I will just answer back say why it won't work/that it isn't the current guidance etc. Maybe yours will not be so annoying involved this time? I suppose it will be helpful to have them around to help out, although I would personally hate it. If there is no way of getting them out of staying you really need to get your dh to politely step in when they're giving unwanted advice.

Saku Sun 18-Dec-16 09:33:56

Hi find all tips very useful... now they are already here.. I cant help the duration of their stay..
when they came they poured lots of love on us.. and still on DS1 and on DH.. but from morning she already started taunting on me .. and trying to show as she is cracking jokes...(laughing afterwards)...
my mind already started roasting up... when I saw towards my DH ... he just winked me and gave a signal to shrug off..
sometimes he just take my side.. just saying.. "let it be mom.. leave it"
I asked before then DH told that ..he told them not to be mean so much towards me this time while on the way coming airport to home ... but still she is doing it and trying to be funny.. (Habits doesnt go really angry )
I am trying to stay calm .. but when I will be boiled.. I cant controll ... I am going to blow up on DH .. I know sad
thanks for support

abbsisspartacus Sun 18-Dec-16 09:37:08

What little jokes is she making?

TheDuchessofDukeStreet Sun 18-Dec-16 09:37:56

Get a lock for your bedroom door.

TheDuchessofDukeStreet Sun 18-Dec-16 09:38:55

And a small fridge and kettle for your room.

balence49 Sun 18-Dec-16 09:39:51

This would piss me right off. I'd be firm but fair. She would get answered back if trying to over rule me or undermining me with the children.
I find you only have to be really offensive once and then they realise you are not going to be taking this shit!

Saku Sun 18-Dec-16 11:07:42

jokes like - Playing with DS (3y).. and talking to him loudly.... and saying .. ohh poor you .. how lean have been............... mamma is not giving you food .. mamma was not giving you food ha ha ha ... true ha ha
angry

I said yes mamma has ate all the food envy

Nottalotta Sun 18-Dec-16 11:14:32

Poor you. It's good to have some help but I would struggle with this massively! My in laws are OK actually but my own mum is a bit of a pain. I can't imagine having any of them staying for even a week let alone 2-3 months, especially with that sort of behaviour.

If you can, I think you need to tell your Mil. Think about what you want to say before hand (you're welcome to stay, we appreciate your help etc BUT your comments and 'jokes' are not acceptable/upsetting/make me feel bad so please stop or find somewhere else to stay) tell them you don't want to fall out but don't want to be made to feel bad in your own home, at such a vulnerable time. I hope you can get it resolved or at least a compromise.

balence49 Sun 18-Dec-16 13:46:29

Your husband needs to be sticking up for you here. I hope he will stand up to them.
I used to tell mine that either he says something to them or I will, and if I have to they may be offended because I won't dress it up and pander to them.

Saku Sun 18-Dec-16 19:05:40

yes that is good that DH is sticking with me most of the time.. I feel his situation also miserable I dont want it to make worse.. as he becomes pendulum between me and them..
Even she commented on my dress ... that it is showing more bump than it should be .... I got very pissed off.. and told on her on her face that .. me and my husband dont have any problem of showing "more" till now ... I am not going to change my dress.... she just put off by that..
But she is going on as it is.. with other things...
As I said .. Habits dont go .. is it???????? sad

Thanks for all your support... I am not going to take this time .. as last time......... I know any way we have to deal with it... I cant rant about each and everything MIL commented ...
Thank you

Embra Sun 18-Dec-16 22:52:55

I think you should take it easy, and don't take everything so personally. I mean sometimes I get annoyed by my mum for example, but then I just try to see that she tries to be helpful usually . Doesn't mean you have to follow the advice but don't try to find negative meaning in every word as well

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