Can't control my temper

[WorriedAndCrazy]

Hi first time poster here. Just hoping there's someone out there who can reassure me and put my mind at rest. I'm currently 12w4d after a MMC earlier in the year. I found out at 13w4d and the baby had stopped growing pretty much as soon as it implanted. So understandably I'm very nervous and panicking about every little thing. I've had healthy scans at 7w3d and 11w3d. I have my 12 week scan on Monday.

From the beginning of this pregnancy I've been under a lot of stress and have lost my temper many times. This week in particular has been really bad. DC has been playing up all week and between that and my hormones I've found myself taking out my anger on my DH and getting myself into some terrible states. These kick offs only last a few minutes at a time but when I do I'm reduced to tears and find myself breathless and dizzy due to all the screaming. I've convinced myself that this has effected the baby and I'm going to go to my scan on Monday to be told there's no heartbeat. I don't see how anything could survive and be healthy after the way I've gone on.

I'm waiting on MW calling me back as I want to ask her this stuff and also to see if she can refer me to some sort of counselling where I can learn to keep my emotions under control. If there's anyone out there with any advice or reassurance I would be grateful.

[Helbelle75]

I've been there with the mmc and being pregnant again. I, too, have been really anxious that my stress and worry and also being cross (I'm a teacher so inevitable that I have to reprimand students occasionally) ahs affected baby. I'm now 19+3 and heard the heartbeat yesterday at a mw appointment.
I don't know what you can do about the anger. It's more than likely hormones and worry, but certainly speak to your mw about it. I'm sure you're not the only one.
And congratulations and good luck for your scan.

[WorriedAndCrazy]

Thank you for replying. Congratulations and sorry to hear you have experienced mmc as well. I can imagine how stressful your job must be, glad to hear your pregnancy is progressing well.

It's unrealistic to expect to completely avoid stress but it's the way I handle it that worries me. I've had a few meltdowns over the past couple of months and after each one have thought to myself, how can this baby survive. Then after my scan last week I was determined I would never let that happen again and sadly I've let myself down about 3 times this week. I just want to get Monday over and done with. Even though I've already saw the heartbeat twice the thought of going back to the same place where my MMC was discovered fills me with dread. That place is tainted for me now and I see it as the place that brings "bad news" if that makes sense.

[Helbelle75]

It does absolutely, and we were 'lucky' in a way, that I thought something was wrong, so went for a private scan at 10+5 where the mc was found.
I have been to a different clinic with this pregnancy and the hospital, so they are not associated with the mc at all.
Has your mw phoned back yet?

[WorriedAndCrazy]

I was the exact same right from the minute I found out I was pregnant I knew that it was going to end badly. Can't explain it just a gut feeling I even said to the sonographer before my scan that something was wrong. I wanted to go for a private scan but tried to tell myself I was being silly. My local EPU is in a different place from where you go for your 12 week scan so I still have to face going back to that place on Monday. No I haven't heard anything yet. I'm just going to try and relax and not worry about it since my scan is in a few days anyway.

[WorriedAndCrazy]

Just received a call back from MW which hasn't really made me feel any better. The phone call was rushed lasted only 1 minute and a half. I'm guessing they're very busy so I'm not annoyed. She just advised me to relax and said the baby will be oblivious to all this and she will see me back at 16 weeks. I always find this MW very reluctant when asking for reassurance but obviously a busy in the office for them so can't really expect her to say much more than that. Guess I just have to sit tight to Monday now and stay away from Google.

[Helbelle75]

Do you have any hobbies or do any Sport? I've found they help with grounding. I do ballet and yoga and also play in a wind band, helps me to relax and forget about everything.

[WorriedAndCrazy]

I don't which doesn't help as I've too muh time on my hands. Been thinking recently about going swimming as a way to relax and keep fit. I think it would be a good idea or I'm going to drive myself mad over the next 28 weeks. Wow go you, I don't even have the energy these days to get up off the couch

[Helbelle75]

I have to drag myself there, but I feel much better for doing it. I've joined a pregnancy yoga class which is great as i'm meeting others mum's to be as well.

[babynelly2010]

I really ripped it to someone at work today trying to make me feel bad for not being able to stay late on friday night. I am an emotional rollercoaster really with all this hormones.

[WorriedAndCrazy]

I've had a look online and it looks like there is a pregnancy yoga class in a town near by so I'm going to look into this. Thanks for the suggestion.

babynelly - sorry to hear you're also having a hard time. I suppose all these hormonal rages and mood swings are par for the course. I don't remember feeling this in my first pregnancy but now I'm dealing with a very strong willed child and have the worry and memories from the MC I guess it's all just getting on top of me. Going to have a chat with one of the MWs after my scan on Monday about my emotions.

[Helbelle75]

I was like this with my first pregnancy - the mmc. I was very angry a lot of the time and quite cross with the students, whereas this time i'm more chilled.
Glad you've found a yoga class. We're going to do baby first aid and antenatal classes after Christmas.