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Pregnancy

Boyfriend Freaking Out

8 replies

hannaaah95 · 10/11/2016 16:13

I found out I was pregnant about a week ago and so far we've kept it down low. I told my partner first because we had our suspicions but now he is freaking out. He wants me to abort because we haven't been together long and although we both work and have jobs we don't live together. He said he would be excited if it was to happen further down the line but now isn't the right time. I understand where he is coming from totally but all I've wanted since I can remember is a family and children of my own. I've been through the alternative before and can't put myself through that again. I've explained to him that we can take it step by step and go through it together and we don't need to rush anything but he is adamant on not keeping this child. I don't know what to do? I thought he was coming round the other day but he still says no. Any ideas on how to put his mind at ease and try and help him understand where I'm coming from? I've spoken to one of my friends about this and she has said he just needs time. I understand that. But there's only so much time I can give him. Any advice would be brilliant?

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MsStricty · 10/11/2016 16:26

Your boyfriend is entirely free to feel how he feels and do what he needs to do based on that.

He is not free to force or expect you to do what he wants, nor do you have to accommodate anything that you don't want to. Equally, to make him have different feelings and wishes is both unreasonable and an exercise in futility.

I think, as painful and difficult as it might be, OP, you need to put yourself first and make your own decisions. If he comes round, he comes round, and if he doesn't, then you at least are in a position where you don't have to rely on him.

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summerskittles91 · 10/11/2016 16:27

Sorry he isn't being as supportive as you hoped. Ultimately an abortion is your choice. If he's not supporting you know how can you be sure he will in the future? Equally even after an abortion what are the chances the relationship doesnt work out?

If you want this baby, I'd make it very clear to him that it means a lot to you and that he has the choice to be a part of the babies life.

Do you think you'd be able to cope without him? Do you have friends or family who can support you in real life? x

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hannaaah95 · 10/11/2016 16:47

Yeah I understand fully. I can't change his mind. I think I'm just scared of what will happen if he runs and leaves me more than anything even tho I know I've got a good support network around me

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sharon2016 · 10/11/2016 17:02

Give him a couple of weeks and he might come round. If not, you shouldn't force him into having children if it wasn't planned as that's not fair on him, nor can he force you into making a decision you don't want to. But you would need to consider whether being a parent by yourself is something you would want for you and the baby. I hope he comes round

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fuzzywuzzy · 10/11/2016 18:29

Surely if he finds the prospect of a child so awful he should have taken steps to ensure it wouldn't happen?

OP, decide what you want, get your support network around you and prepare to have a baby without your bf on the scene.

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Trifleorbust · 10/11/2016 18:31

Sorry to hear this is how he has reacted. However, persuading him to change his mind isn't the answer - it isn't his decision at the end of the day. If you don't want to terminate, you need to change the conversation so that you are keeping him informed about the pregnancy. If he chooses to end the relationship over it, that is his prerogative.

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ConvincingLiar · 10/11/2016 20:20

If you are willing to be a single parent and would prefer that to termination then that's your choice. This is not his decision.