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31 weeks pregnant and partner's left

(7 Posts)
RubyRouge28 Thu 27-Oct-16 14:54:30

Not really sure exactly why I'm posting, maybe just looking for advice and support or just someone to talk to I think.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, split up with my partner this week and feeling really alone. To cut a long story short, he has a complicated situation with his ex partner - they have two children together, there's absolutely zero communication between the two of them and a whole host of other things going on. I found out I'm pregnant in April, a few days before I was due to go and have a laparoscopy to remove an ovarian cyst and endometriosis. I think I always assumed it would be difficult for me to have children with the endo, so when I found I was pregnant, it was a bit of a shock. His immediate reaction was really quite awful, he wouldn't talk about it, there was no happiness and to be honest, I was made to feel like I'd created a huge problem that he'd played no part in. He knew I always wanted kids and said he did too, so I think his reaction came as a bit of a surprise.

Over the past 7 months things have just gone from bad to worse. He's still shown pretty much no interest to the point where I've avoided the subject as well and it's kind of destroyed the pregnancy for me. I've been told I have complete placenta previa after having quite a heavy bleed which is pretty scary and again, there's been no support, no concern, no anything from him. And to top the lot, things have been stressful with his situation/children. His weekends are changed around when his ex decides despite there being a court order in place and we only have a 2 bedroom home so space is tight when you add 3 kids into the mix (he also has his stepson), which means he ends up at his parents for two weeks at a time during the school holidays/breaks sometimes. He seems to see absolutely nothing wrong with this and doesn't understand that this is hard for me to take on board, especially considering the way he's acted over our child.

I've been told I may be having the baby early due to the placenta previa and probably having to have a section and I've basically already been told that I'm either on my own when I come home or I have help and have the three other kids here which I think is a bit unfair. I've obviously not had a section before, but I imagine I'm going to need a bit of quiet and calm and time to settle into a routine with the baby. I think things just got to breaking point last week when the weekends were changed yet again and I just couldn't cope with everything anymore. I think the worst part is that he doesn't understand why I'm hurt, or upset or angry and I'm fed up with being blamed for everything.

This past week has been really tough. I think I'm finding it hard to take the fact that I'm probably going to be doing this on my own on board. I've felt really isolated and alone and I guess I've been feeling guilty for feeling like I've made a mistake with keeping the baby, which I know sounds awful. I just don't know and can't seem to figure out how I'm going to manage with it all, I haven't even got any stuff for the baby yet because he's sucked all of the joy out of it.

JustFoundADairyMilkCaramel Thu 27-Oct-16 15:02:37

flowers to you and congratulations too! It's a shame you haven't enjoyed being pregnant.

How long have you been with your ex?

For me, taking the dcs to his parents for two weeks is odd. I understand space is tight but 3 DC and two adults can live in a two bed house. How does he expect your DC to bond with you if you're not there?

The fact that he knows what pregnancy involves (as he has two DC) and he hasn't supported you through the difficult patches re your health-that to me shouts out twat.

He's being very selfish and inconsiderate and actually quite immature.

I think you'll be better off doing this alone and I hope you have plenty of family and friends who can support and help you.

RubyRouge28 Thu 27-Oct-16 15:36:18

Thank you. I'm pretty gutted that I have't enjoyed it either. Seems so selfish and unfair that someone else has ruined it. I've actually been with him for around 2 and half years, so it's not a new relationship or anything.

I suppose it is quite odd, but there's a huge age gap between the 3 children and the room is quite tiny, so it's pretty much a space issue. One of the kids hasn't wanted to come recently either (would rather stay at home so he can spend time with his friends) which has caused quite a few problems as well.

I know deep down that I'll be better off on my own too, just hard when you're trying to figure everything out and it's all new, isn't it?

FrizzyNoodles Thu 27-Oct-16 15:42:59

Can you have help from someone else after you've had the baby? Maybe get a few people on board to help you through the first couple of weeks while you heal from your section.
You will be better off without him and it will be easier on your own than coping with him and his kids especially as he's not fully on board. Do some batch cooking and get your house how you want it and get a few friends /family on board to pop in and help.

Massive congratulations for you and your baby xxx flowers

tilleuls Thu 27-Oct-16 22:13:03

Really sorry to hear you're going through a tough time flowers I'm pregnant and recently single too, and I've actually found that since being on my own I've handled pregnancy a lot better. Perhaps now you can just focus on yourself and the baby and enjoying the rest of your pregnancy? You have time to bond and enjoy having some relax time before the little one comes! Just take each day at a time and I really do think it gets easier flowers

RubyRouge28 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:51:37

Thank you Frizzy. Hopefully I will have people around to help straight after the baby's born and will definitely be doing some batch cooking and getting the house nice and tidy beforehand.

tilleuls - thanks for your reply. Glad to hear that things have been better for you since you split with your partner - good to know that something that feels pretty crap can actually turn out to be quite a positive thing. I'm trying to do the same as you and just focus on the baby now. Like you said, just need to take each day as it comes otherwise it can all get a bit much. Good luck with your baby x

haveacupoftea Sun 30-Oct-16 13:56:22

What a fucking scumbag he is. enjoy every remaining minute of your pregnancy knowing he cant suck the joy out of it any longer flowers you can do it without him. it will be easier to do it without an entitled man child and his 3 to look after as well!

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