Pregnant and terrified

[Beegee3]

I am 43 and have been ttc with partner. I have two boys 15 and 10 from previous marriage who are my life. I am now nearly 7 weeks pregnant and I am petrified of telling my children and feel like I will destroy our life. I feel awful about it but I feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my life.

[TwentyCups]

You were ttc, but can I ask if you want to keep this baby? At seven weeks you do have options. Are you definitely continuing the pregnancy?

[Beegee3]

I can't see me being able to terminate.

[Excusemyfrench]

Remember this is a really emotional time anyway. Your body is suddenly overflowing with hormones so every thought whatever it is will come out extreme.

Its normal to be terrified when you become pregnant. Both times I was actively ttc and both time when my test turned positive my first reaction was a wave of utter panic. Its a massive deal, however prepared you are, its not at all unusual to feel this way.

Then there is also the fact you are worried having another child might affect your other children, that again is completely normal. I felt really bad when I fell pregnant with my second baby, i kept having these guilty feelings, like somehow this baby will cause me to neglect my eldest child. It didnt, and you learn how to juggle, if anything it brings more joy to the family as your older children suddenly have a new buddy, but your original concern is normal.

Do your children get on with your current partner? Have they actively expressed the fact they would hate you to fall pregnant? Is your partner happy with the news?
Your life will obviously change a bit, but its only an adjustment.

Dont be too harsh on your self, you havent had a baby in 10 years, its all new really. But the good news is you are pregnant !

[Beegee3]

Thanks x my youngest will probably be fine, it is my eldest. He really struggled with his dad leaving five years ago and he is still grieving the loss of his family. My youngest gets on with my partner fine, my eldest is fine with him, but it's like he tolerates him for me. My partner doesn't live with us yet either, he's moving in at the end of september, which I am terrified of too. My partner is happy yes. I think I have always been the constant for my boys and we have made our life in the past 5 years as a unit. My eldest will feel betrayed and heartbroken. His dad had a baby a couple of months ago and he struggled with that immensely.

[SleepFreeZone]

I would honestly hold off telling your older kids until you have your 12 week scan under your belt. I would also be paying out for a Harmony test which your local hospital should be able to organise.

Good luck!

[sj257]

I felt quite the same at first, my children are 8 and 9, not quite as big an age gap but still a substantial one. I was scared I was ruining their lives! How dramatic are we sometimes! I ended up telling them when I was only 6 weeks pregnant as I needed to know how they felt...they were over the moon! It may be harder as you say with your eldest but I am sure he will come round, babies are really hard to dislike.... x