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DP not interested in pregnancy

(7 Posts)
Biscuitfingers Thu 28-Jul-16 11:07:47

I'm starting to get really down about DP not being more interested in the pregnancy. He has other DC from previous relationships and he did warn me that he wasn't a big fan of pregnancy (he won't even touch my bump sad) but that he will be very hands on when the baby's born. So I guess I knew what I was getting into. He picked the names for his other DC and said he had been very lucky that he got his own way, but he has told me that our baby's name is up to me...I've been throwing names at him and twice he's said, 'I don't care, call her what you want'. I've bought a few little bits from mothercare and he's not really bothered and he acted surprised when I said I'd like us to go shopping together. This is my first baby, I've waited a bloody long time for her and I guess I just thought we'd share the excitement a bit more, but he's been there and done it all and it's killing my buzz a bit! It feels like he's just given me his sperm so I can have a baby because it's what I want. I asked him about the births of his other DC and he said his ex 'made a bit of a meal of labour' with his youngest!! So now I don't think I even want him there for the birth. I literally know nothing about babies, I've only ever held one, and I feel like such an idiot because although I'm so excited, I'm also terrified. I wish he could at least empathise with that! I have to say that this aside he is the happiest, kindest most generous man I've ever met and I absolutely adore him. Is it a case of just getting the next few months out the way because he's not gonna change??

LynseyH5 Thu 28-Jul-16 11:28:38

Does he get just how insensitive he's being?
I'm not gonna call him names or anything as it sounds like in every other way, he's a nice enough guy, but he is being really insensitive!!
Grrr for a man to say someone is making a meal out of labour needs to be kicked between the legs...hard....multiple times!!
Anyway, I think the only way to face this is to sit him down and tell him straight. If you don't it's going to end up causing tension as you'll feel resentful towards him.
You need to enjoy this and not feel on edge about it and no matter how painful labour is, it's still something you should look back on fondly, the first time you see your baby. If he isn't there or is but being an arse, it's going to taint it for you.
Tell him straight he's being an ass! If he really is a nice guy, he'll realise your right and sort it out flowers

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Thu 28-Jul-16 11:40:55

"So now I don't think I even want him there for the birth."

This is likely to be counterproductive.

Yes, I think he's being a bit of an arse, but he warned you that he doesn't 'get' pregnancy. So believe what he says, especially as it's being shown in his actions.

I hope his kind generosity means you can buy the baby clobber you think you need before the birth, even if he isn't enthusing about it. Perhaps you coukd leave some of it until after the baby is born, and see if he is more engaged then.

Ditto the choosing of the name. His lack of interest in that is weird.

Biscuitfingers Thu 28-Jul-16 14:17:35

I'm glad I'm not just being hormonal and emotional and that others do agree that he is being a bit of a dick!! He literally has no emotion, which makes things very difficult when I get upset or have a little cry...he just does not know what to do. I've told him a hug and bit of reassurance is pretty much all I need but he forgets and just leaves me to it. I know he'll be a great Dad, I just hope that deep down he's excited about this little one.

LynseyH5 Thu 28-Jul-16 15:25:33

I can relate, my partner is totally void of emotions too. He never bothered about my pregnancies really until he saw and felt my bump. Even then he'd not really say anything.

He was much better with a baby in his arms but I know what you mean, it takes away abit of your excitement when someone is being so crappy about it all xx

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 28-Jul-16 15:43:16

Maybe throw a few names at him that are a bit ridiculous and see how he reacts to that?!

My DP seems a little disinterested too. But he was the same with our first and is a great dad so I knew he'd be the same second time round so I don't take it personally. He holds my bump occasionally but he's never talked to my bump really like some men do with their partners. I was jealous but I'm over it now. I even dreamt that he said he wasn't bothered about the health of our baby!

He would enjoy shopping though and spent ages choosing the perfect pram. I guess it was a "gadget" for him to throw himself into so perhaps your partner will enjoy that side of shopping rather than the clothes etc. Maybe go for lunch together one afternoon at a shopping centre and once you're both relaxed tell him how you feel. I always find that talking to DP at home usually gets me nowhere unfortunately!

Enjoy your pregnancy though smile you may resent him for it otherwise.

Whatsername17 Thu 28-Jul-16 17:11:47

You know what? It isn't ok for your dh to behave this way. My dh doesn't always 'get it'. His eyes can glaze over when I show him the millionth idea for the nursery etc But, he will often run his hand over my little bump and doesn't let me carry heavy bags. He makes funny jokes about my baby brain and hugs me when I get hormonal. When I was pregnant with my dd, he read stories to my tummy.
Your dh saying he doesn't really do pregnancy doesn't make it ok. I think you need to talk to him and tell him quite firmly that you made this baby together and you need some support. And, when it comes to his ex 'making a meal' out of labour, tell him that he can once he has pushed something the size of a melon out of his Japps eye he can comment on labour. Until then, he is to be totally supportive and tell you how brilliant you are all of the way through. Good luck to you x

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