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Help. Advice on planning a pregnancy after a bad experience.(7 Posts)
I'm 30 year old and have a 4 year old little girl. My partner and I really want another baby but firstly I'm after advice and I'm really not sure who to go to.
I had a very bag pregnancy with my little girl, I had a problem with my hips causing extreme pain and they would slide out causing me to fall unexpectedly a few rimes badly, I was referred to physio who only made things worse causing my hips to then seize up and me to walk only with crutches for 6 months. I couldn't get in the bath unaided, get out of bed or go out alone. I was treated really badly by all midwife's I saw when I raised concern regarding my ability to birth naturally even with one of them telling me after birth I'd have to have surgery and have an instep in my shoe!
Eventually I saw an obstetrician who after me being persistent put me in for a c section. I had the section and all went well however I as treated awfully at the hospital I received no help, my newborn was moved out of reach so I wouldn't comfort her when she cried or pick her up and had to watch as she choked on her own vomit as I frantically pressed the alarm, I was told the following day someone who come help me out of bed for the first time and I could shower but no one turned up, when I asked a midwife told me "go yourself" I had to get up for the first time holding the bloody Bed pad over me and walk to the shower room in agony with visitors on the ward it was embarrassing and very upsetting. The three days I was in there I didn't sleep at all and would ring my partner crying in the night. However my hips went back to normal in those three days and I could walk without crutches which was a god send. After I'd gone home it was such a relief I didn't think to complain or even seek legal help regarding how badly I'd been treated I just wanted to forget and enjoy my new baby. Then 2 years ago I got pregnant again, I knew I as pregnant because the pain in my hips started again and after a test it was confirmed.
I was so scared of going through the stress and upet of being treated so badly again alone with having to fight for my health and another c section I couldn't cope and had an abortion, I told the councilor at the clinic and she told me I should never of been treated that way being as ill as I had been and should not of been made to feel like I had to risk natural birth despite my leg gap being only 15cm and my hips and pelvis at high risk of being damaged. But I couldn't cope and went ahead with the abortion its something that's caused me depression and anxiety and I cry all the time that I felt that was something I had to do, I've never and will never forgive myself so please no negative remarks about my bad decision its something i have to live through in my head everyday.
Since then I've never forgiven myself for being made to feel like I had to do that to avoid what I sent through before and now two years on I'm ready for a another baby, my little girl desperately wants a sibling and there's nothing I want more in this world as does my fiancé of 6 years. I know I'm probably going to get the pain in my back hips and pelvis again, I'm willing to struggle through it and even if I have to be on crutches again I can do it but I'm so scared of having to fight with people over my health and being forced to take risks again, I want another section and I don't take that decision lightly as I explained how bad I was treated in hospital and I am dreading that part obviously but I want to know can I demand a section from the start? What should I do to ensure I get this and my pregnancy is as stress free as possible with this matter? Im scared to get pregnant until I know I can have this option. To have something you want more than anything be left down to another person's decision is heartbreaking.
Also I'd like to add I went for a smear a few weeks ago and the nurse had a big problem as my proof is apparently tilted back and she asked if I'd had a natural birth, I explained no and why and she said 'well no wonder you had problem's you couldn't of birthed with this pelvis anyway'. It wasn't picked up during my pregnancy but I never had an internal for them to do so.
If anyone can help with my query it would mean alot to me, I'm desperate to know how I can be assured il have a c-section and the support I need. I don't know who to contact about all this.
God, that sounds awful. Big up to you for volunteering to try again. I have no real advice but as someone who had two elective cs for 'no reason' other than crippling tokophobia, my advice would be to avoid midwives completely. They hate anybody who mentions a c section and are unhelpful to the point of being spiteful. Talk to the relevant consultants, explain everything and - without explicitly saying so - make it clear that you'll sue them if there's a repeat of last time. Good luck.
And get the pelvis thing in writing to get an assurance that you'll be given a c section.
Are you able to have maternity care at a different hospital? They may have a completely different attitude regarding maternity care before and after birth.
Also explain to them the issues from last time early on so that plans can be put in place such as the hip problems and why you need a C-section.
I have ever no experience but didn't want to read and run. I agree with the other ladies, get it in writing about your pelvis and demand a different hospital. This sounds like it wasn't just an aversion to you having a CS, the nurses sound cruel and acted very unprofessionally.
As for the midwifes, they can't just treat you badly because of you NEEDING a CS. They are there to help support you and make sure all is as well as can be throughout your pregnancy. If you have friends to ask, ask the names of the midwife they had, if they were good, try asking to see that one.
This is your life and you shouldn't be treated that way at all. Best of luck.
Many thanks for your kind words I copied my message and sent it to various midwife run pages online and had some good advice and support from them regarding my experience. My little girl asks all the time if she can have a brother or sister and regardless of the pain and discomfort it causes I want to try to give her that I wish I was strong enough to have seen it through previously. I'm going to make an appointment at my doctors to have a word about my concerns.
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