hi everyone. so this might be a bit of a long story but I really really need some advice. I am 27 years old and my bf is 29. I am 13 weeks pregnant and this is the first baby for either of us. this pregnancy was a surprise, but one that I was very happy about but things aren't going as planned. 2 months ago my boyfriend was laid off from his job and moved in with a friend of his. I also started a new job and have my own place but travel down to where he is for work because our plans were to move to the city and get a place together for us and the baby. the problem is he is putting barely any effort into finding employment saying that this job doesn't offer enough, or this means he'd work away for periods of time etc etc. just always seems to be an excuse while he is on EI and working under the table with odd jobs. however, he never seems to have any money. a couple of days ago I went into his room to change for work and found a rolled up bill and leftover white powder on his dresser :( he had used cocaine in the past but had promised to change with the pregnancy and the new baby. plus added to the fact that he barely has any money and asks ME to lend money to him, I have just been furious over this. he is cranky all of the time now. tells me I'm annoying, has no interest in the baby other than to say things like he will take me to court if I leave him and spends most of the time lecturing me on the most random things. this isn't the man that I knew before and he seems to have gotten worse with the pregnancy :( :( we are both from the other side of the country and that's where all of our family is. I have brought up to him about going home so the baby would have grandparents and aunts and uncles around because family is very important to me. he shoots the idea down without even considering it and says if I go he will take me to court once the baby is here. my family wants me to come home at all costs and deep down that's all I want to do. to go home and have the best life possible for my little one. I was not brought up in an atmosphere of drugs and just scraping by borrowing money from.people and I don't want that for this baby. I work hard and always . my mother has even offered to move in with the baby and I so we would all have a nice home and I wouldn't be alone, but there is a part of me that thinks my bf will smarten up once the baby is here and that I will someday regret leaving the father of my child and raising this baby on my own with no father in its life. i think of how i will.somehow be turned into the bad guy by him and his family. I always thought I would enjoy my pregnancy but anytime I bring up anything like buying a nice crib or having a baby shower he tells me I'm being spoiled and a princess because his family was brought up with nothing and that I don't need all of this nice stuff when all I want is a good and normal life for me and my baby :( I just feel so alone and I guess I'm asking this not because I don't know the answer but because I'm scared it's just my hormones and emotions making me crazy and over sensitive. I find it hard to even talk to him anymore after the way he has been acting. it's like Dr jekyll and Mr Hyde. :(
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I'm sorry you are in this situation but he doesn't appear to be taking his responsibilities to you or your baby seriously. Drugs for me are a big no no but even more so with a baby and there would be no negotiations over that. How could you trust him around the baby?
You have said that you want to move home? He seems to be doing nothing to persuade you to stay (I.e. Looking for a job / place to live) except making threats about court. If you want to move home I would suggest you make the arrangements and go, you sound like you will be supported there at least and you can deal with him then. He won't get very far at court wanting custody of a tiny baby and a drug habit.
Aye cos a judge is really gonna pay much attention to a skint, illegally working junkie! Empty threats!
Go to your mum and do what's best for you and baby.
Good luck with the pregnancy
Op, one of the best pieces of advice I've ever seen on here is "when someone tells you who they REALLY are, listen".
His behaviour is telling you loud and clear as to who and what he truly is, and it isn't going to change, except for the worse.
Put yourself and your darling little one first. Stay safe, follow those strong mothering instincts of yours, and be happy.
I wish you all the best my lovely.
I'm so glad you've got good support from your mum and friends, I really think you're making the right choice getting out.
Some years ago I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man who was an alcoholic. He really made me question myself - and I was very depressed at the time so didn't think much of myself anyway - he used to say I couldn't cope without him and all this rubbish, really put me down. One day I just had enough and ended it with him. He really kicked off afterwards, lots of very emotional messages and texts, he tried loads to get back in, but I knew my life would spiral if I went back. I deleted the messages without listening to them and changed my number. Best thing I ever did getting rid of him. I'm with a really loving kind man now who is a great dad, though he's not perfect!
Good luck 
you're going to be a great mum x
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