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Boyfriend left me when pregnant

(17 Posts)
kate2244 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:41:00

I'd just like to know if anyone else is in the same situation. My bf and I were together ten months and living together. Things started going wrong in february as he was under a lot of stress so I moved out but we kept seeing each other. He already has kids from another relationship. Anyway he threw me out the house a second time in march and a week later I found out I was pregnant. He wouldn't speak to me so a family member told him and his response was to text me telling me never to contact him again. I've heard nothing since, that was three weeks ago. The pregnancy was an accident and I never imagined I'd be pregnant and alone. Can't get my head round it all but I'm going ahead with the pregnancy

Blakerose15 Sat 09-Apr-16 22:58:36

Well it's sad that he will miss out but stay strong n enjoy your pregnancy some time the dad is just another mouth to feed n drain on your resources lol

LadyFarnborough Sat 09-Apr-16 23:14:22

I'm really sorry. He sounds like a dick. Have you got support from your family?

LeaLeander Sat 09-Apr-16 23:17:02

So the child will have a father that disowned it weeks after it was conceived?

kate2244 Sat 09-Apr-16 23:27:06

I've got my mum but no other family.
Basically yes a father that disowned it only weeks after conception....sounds pretty brutal when you put it like that

Atenco Sat 09-Apr-16 23:28:59

I was the one who split up before I knew I was pregnant, so different emotions involved.

It's probably too early for you to hear this, but there is a lot of freedom in being a single mother and not having to consult a possible eejit about your child-rearing decisions.

JayDot500 Sun 10-Apr-16 03:29:30

You can do it! It's even easier if mums involved smile

What I would say is, every child will ask about their father, so while it is fresh in your mind, perhaps write down his full name inc any family you know, info on where he lives/works now, add a little photo etc. You don't have to voluntarily give this information to your child, but if your he/she does ask, it's the best you can do. Sigh. Men like this usually soften up when youth has evaded them and their grown up, beautiful child comes looking for them and they see the error of their ways instantly. rolls eyes and pukes

kate2244 Mon 11-Apr-16 11:46:33

He turned up here today saying he doesn't understand why I would want the baby. Said he would have no involvement at all and it would tbe fair for the child to have it. He then said best case scenario I could have the child, meet someone else and they may help raise it. Messes with my head. I don't know whether to keep it or not. Don't feel this situation is fair on a baby

MetalMidget Mon 11-Apr-16 13:04:44

He turned up here today saying he doesn't understand why I would want the baby. Said he would have no involvement at all and it would tbe fair for the child to have it. He then said best case scenario I could have the child, meet someone else and they may help raise it. Messes with my head. I don't know whether to keep it or not. Don't feel this situation is fair on a baby

I'm fiercely pro-choice, but it has to be your choice - don't let him bully you into anything. Legally he has to financially contribute, even if he chooses no contact, as far as I'm aware (although getting this can be a pain in the backside, I've been told).

I have friends who aborted and never regretted it. I also have friends and family who went ahead with their pregnancies, despite the absence of the 'father'. They also have no regrets - one has stayed single, and has admittedly found it very hard, but is a fantastic mother. The other met a wonderful man when her child was a toddler, they ended up married and he adopted the little one (who's now a strapping uni student!).

Ultimately, it's up to you - do you want children? Can your mother help to support you? How will you feel if you terminate?

Best of luck, whatever you decide!

Atenco Mon 11-Apr-16 14:26:22

Well said MetalMidget.

iLoveTea314 Mon 11-Apr-16 14:46:13

This happened to my friend. Her son is 10 and she said to me recently that she felt betrayed and she got over that but she currently, always, continually feels DE-FRAUDED of a life where the sacrifices of parenting were shared. She has all the responsibility.

kate2244 Mon 11-Apr-16 16:04:37

Thanks everyone. I also read that although it's tough sometimes single parenting is easier because you don't have someone to worry about (father) or their input. I should manage financially however am on a temporary contract and he's threatening to tell everyone so my work finds out and I don't get a permanent contract. Anything he can do to try to change my decision he seems to be doing. My mum will help me and I have lots of friends

kate2244 Mon 11-Apr-16 16:06:30

And MetalMidget yes I defiantly wanted kids at some point and don't think I'd manage the guilt of a termination I just panic I won't manage on my own and it's not fair to have a baby with a dad who doesn't want it

CityMole Mon 11-Apr-16 16:35:11

I wonder if you might benefit from some kind of counselling, where some professionals can help you decide. is it worth speaking to your GP and asking to be referred for some counselling on this?
How far gone are you, 6 weeks? You still have a good amount of time to decide what to do, and if you decide to continue, then you will be able to do so feeling confident that you have absolutely reasoned this through in your head properly.

Your ex sounds like an absolute prick BTW, with the charming twin characteristics of being both completely fucking responsible and quite unhinged. Sorry, but men like that make me sweary. I'd ignore him completely from now on and do not let ANYTHING he says feature in any of your decision making process. flowers

CityMole Mon 11-Apr-16 16:38:22

*irresponsible, not responsible!!!

kate2244 Mon 11-Apr-16 17:01:12

Following his visit I get a text telling me he now plans to "share the news" & tell everyone despite me only being 7 weeks. I think counselling would help but I'm pretty set on continuing with the pregnancy

CityMole Mon 11-Apr-16 17:04:34

God, he's such an arsehole. I'd just block him. you can't stop him from blowing his mouth off, but you can spare yourself from having to listen to it (and I bet some of his threats will just be empty ones, because he is NOT going to come out in a good light if he starts telling people such private info and people will realise that and think he's being an absolute twerp).

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