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What lovely things does your DH/DP do for you in preg?

(25 Posts)
jezzathebezza Sun 17-Jan-16 09:57:13

23 weeks with DC2. Getting bit sick/jealous of hearing stories about amazing partners making all these amazing gestured for their pregnant wives as I don't get any of this...from daily foot rubs/massages/running bath while making dinner/heading out in middle of night to fetch cravings snacks from petrol stations...I don't get any of this envy

He has a very long hours/stressful job and is taking more care of DS when he can and taking him out of house at weekends so I can sleep...but thats about it. Makes no gestures/any extra care/concern/ treats than normal and feeling fed up. Is it just me?

Runningupthathill82 Sun 17-Jan-16 10:04:46

Absolutely nothing. In fact I'm doing more - not less - around the house than usual, and doing far more with our toddler too, now I'm on mat leave. Am exhausted and fucked off.

SomebodySedateMe Sun 17-Jan-16 10:07:34

He laughs at me when I get stuck on the sofa.

He is trying and I have to give him credit. He doesn't let me go out to the bins anymore because our decking is lethal and he's afraid I'll fall (broke a rib out there before pregnancy!) and he's trying to help with housework.
It's our first and he's used to being waited on so it's a big adjustment for him. He's getting there though.

brookeberry Sun 17-Jan-16 10:29:19

I would imagine that the way a DH/DP acts during pregnancy is just an extension of how he acts at any other time. It's maybe a more heightened version of the way the two of you usually interact. I don't think relationships can really be compared - they are worlds of their own - and as long as the two of you are basically happy and fulfilled within it, it's nobody's business. My DH happens to be very loving and sensitive and yes I get foot rubs, but he did that anyway! If we weren't like that in the first place, I don't think I would expect a transformation during pregnancy.

socktastic Sun 17-Jan-16 10:39:56

I agree with the above post. Men aren't great at processing/talking about how they're feeling about things.
I know my dh is feeling some sort of degree of guilt as he's not suffering as I am and he's trying to make it up to me by being extra helpful around the house. He's taking care of a lot of extra household chores (although I'm having to sneakily clean the bathroom after his attempts!)

kate7590 Sun 17-Jan-16 10:41:22

my DH really doesn't do anything different than before pregnancy, and to be honest I wouldn't really expect him to.
Hes not a 'lovely dovey' kind of person and if i asked him for a back rub he'd probably look at me odd ha!
He helps with DS, which he did before anyway but nothing more than he used to do.
I don't know why we expect more from our DPs during pregnancy? Wasn't it our choice to have a child and put our bodies through it? Why take it out on them? smile

Sleepingbunnies Sun 17-Jan-16 10:45:13

My DP is bloody amazing. I have such bad back ache he gives me a nightly massage to try and ease it. And if I ever want chocolate... he has no qualms about going to the shop for me smile I'm very lucky

Mermaid36 Sun 17-Jan-16 10:46:34

My DP is trying very hard! I wouldn't expect foot rubs etc anyway, but he's trying to pick up some of the chores etc.

He's cooked dinner a few times (or gone to get a ready meal etc) when I've felt crappy (I usually cook cos I'm home from work first); and hasn't moaned when I've gone to bed at 8pm cos I'm shattered. He's been freaked out about the sickness and nausea cos there is no rhyme or reason to when or why it happens (which I find amusing)
One rainy, windy Sunday he did go into town for me to buy 4 different kinds of very specific crisps that I was craving

TwllBach Sun 17-Jan-16 10:49:27

I completely understand where you're coming from OP! I cried and quit an antenatal class in November because everyone was talking about how wonderful their DPs were and painting nurseries etc... Me and DP don't live together and he spent 7 weeks working in the UAE during my first trimester and he's just about to leave to do 7 weeks in Scotland.

It's our first and was very much a surprise. He's not used to looking after people and I've had what I think is a rough time during pregnancy - SPD and still morning sicknessy even now at 25 weeks.

To give him his due, during the month that he has been back he has tried very hard and I can see that he cares/is trying to look after me. If I am at his house he makes sure he puts the heating on in the bedroom so it's warm when I go to bed and carries my bags up for me etc etc.

It would be nice if it was a bit more fairytale like though.... He still laughs at me when I find it difficult to turn over in bed and that I waddle through pain everywhere! And had taken to calling me mrs potato head...

TwllBach Sun 17-Jan-16 10:51:08

He is also absolutely horrified when I cry. It's quite funny to watch, he genuinely doesn't know how to deal with it, even when I say why and attribute it to hormones grin the first time I cried for no reason in his presence, he literally jumped off the floor and ran to the shops for chocolate gringrin

jemimastar Sun 17-Jan-16 13:05:18

Kate I really disagree actually. Hopefully it was BOTH partners choices to get pregnant and have a baby. In terms of us choosing to put ur bodies through it, well not much choice is there, thats how babies are made! Given we do have to endure near 10 months of physical discomfort, pain, fatigue and not to mention childbirth/recovery after birth/bearing the brunt when baby arrives, is it really too much to ask for husbands/partners to step up and do everything possible to support, care, love, treat their women as they are getting another child out of it?

AlwaysHopeful1 Sun 17-Jan-16 15:16:01

With Dh I feel like it's my birthday everydayblush. He just can't do enough to make sure I'm ok. He also makes sure I'm eating properly and what I eat is safe. He's just there every step of the way for me.

1frenchfoodie Sun 17-Jan-16 15:17:07

My DH has strepped up the cooking as of the 3rd trimester but otherwise no change. I'm having a very straightforward pregnancy and I'd personally be driven mad if he was hovering over me and treating me with kid gloves.

DrWhy Sun 17-Jan-16 15:30:57

Twll my DH is off to the Middle East of work for 8 weeks in the middle of my pregnancy (about 12 to 20) so he's going to go away with me looking fairly like I do now and with few people knowing and come back to me looking properly pregnant and most people knowing - might be a bit interesting. I'm only 6 weeks now but have just told one of my close friends as I figure I'll need some support while he'll be away.
Right now he's being lovely, he's just made me a hot chocolate and got the duvet to tuck me in on the sofa as I just can not stay warm!

brookeberry Sun 17-Jan-16 15:37:17

I think posters should read OP's original message! I think the thread title may be causing confusion smile

LadyMaryofDownt0n Sun 17-Jan-16 15:41:29

Lots he's great. Listens to me moan, puts my socks on, rubs my back, brings me food that I crave at god knows when/where, helps with the kids & basically everything I ask/tell him to do.

I don't know I got him but thank god I did! grin

LadyMaryofDownt0n Sun 17-Jan-16 15:42:55

Tell him to make an effort my DH works long/stressful hours to. He helped make the baby it help nurture it!

TwllBach Sun 17-Jan-16 16:40:43

DrWhy my dates were similar to yours when he went grin and exactly the same thing happened! I was just a bit porky when he left and he came back and my bump popped the weekend he got home grin

cheapandcheerful Sun 17-Jan-16 16:49:54

When I was pregnant with dc1, dh used to leave me to have a sleep in the car while he went around the supermarket.

Artandco Sun 17-Jan-16 16:58:23

Dh was very very good when pregnant. Although tbh he was before and after also.

TriJo Sun 17-Jan-16 21:05:54

Backrubs on demand smile

Cupoftchaiagain Sun 17-Jan-16 21:14:00

He carries dd (3) up the hill home and did all the running about sledging with her today once I got tired. No foot rubs here but I do feel looked after.

Whoknewitcouldbeso Sun 17-Jan-16 21:14:12

I think he would do things if I let him. I don't like being moddie coddled in pregnancy though so I probably get a few more teas made for me and that's it.

HappyInL0nd0n Sun 17-Jan-16 22:00:04

[jezza] Sorry to hear you're feeling a little neglected at the minute. Can you talk to your partner about it, and ask him for what you need? Sometimes men can be very practical and want to fix things, but are less sure of themselves, or what's required, when it comes to the nurturing bit.

Try to tune out what you hear about other people's partners/husbands. You're only hearing a thin slice of the story and as [brookeberry] says, it's pointless comparing relationships. One person's husband might be amazing at giving footrubs but lousy at giving head, and I know which skill is more important to me overall....;-) I'm being a bit flip, but also trying to make the point that there is absolutely no point thinking about other people's relationships and who is receiving what support at this time. We all have different needs, and we're attracted to our partners for different reasons.

For every person posting on this thread who is thrilled with the support of their partner, I bet there's another who feels less inclined to admit their experience relates more closely to yours.

The most important bit is that you're able to identify the needs that are closest to your heart, and that you find a way to communicate them to your partner, at least giving him an opportunity to meet them.

Good luck x

brookeberry Sun 17-Jan-16 22:39:19

Beautifully put happy smile

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