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Pregnancy

I feel guilty.

6 replies

Gingerlady123 · 05/11/2015 08:27

Yesterday I asked work if I could go to the doctors today for vomiting in pregnancy. I am stilol suffering a lot at 20 weeks. I didn't want to phone in sick but as I can only book doctors appointments on the day it was phone in sick or tell them which I did and they said yes to me going. I feel guilty though as their was a chance mil would take in me in after app but she is not free and their is no public transport their and I don't drive and its 10 miles up a road with no path so I can't walk in after. I feel so bad though like I should be at work and just get on with it even if I do run to the toilet all day and feel like death :(. Also I'm in the 17-25 test period for smp now and as I probably won't be paid today I'll loose a bit of money from the six weeks at 90 per cent. Not enough to make a difference but I feel bad as this could of been money spent on my baby.
I feel like I've had so much time off work for this pregnancy as I've had two episodes of bleeding, been to doctors for vomiting, scans, ante natal appointments and I feel guilty for it.

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QforCucumber · 05/11/2015 08:46

They use your average weekly earnings for the SMP calculations,
if you go in tomorrow maybe ask if you can work the time back?
Do they know not to expect you in at all today? Could you ask uyour boss to put it in as a holiday so you're paid in full?

Don't worry, and don't feel so guilty.

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Gingerlady123 · 05/11/2015 09:03

Thank you,
Yes they do, one day won't make much difference to my pay but I'm a worrier about money. We don't earn huge amounts and for the first 39 weeks I will be at home with baby after that I will be looking for part time work as I can't afford child care but we will make it work and be ok I just have all these horrible thoughts in my head about money, prem labour, whether my baby is ok as I've had episodes of bleeding throughout this pregnancy, worrying about what all this stress will do to my baby, wondering if I'm hydrated enough even if I do keep down over a litre a day. I feel awfully anxious and its all come to a head now and I have no idea what to do about it. I feel teary and like I'm a useless mother as I can't relax for my baby.

Work have been informed I won't be in today as I phoned them. Unfortunately I have no holiday left and we can't work time back at the company but thanks for your suggestions

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QforCucumber · 05/11/2015 09:22

Don't worry,
I had a mini breakdown to DP last night because of money (like you I'll be SMP only)
He then listed all my worries, and how we are/will be dealing with them and god I feel so much better now - hormones are crazy things. (cried at radio 1 this morning too haha)
Your scans have shown a healthy baby, and that, not work, is your priority at the moment.
I do think writing down each worry, and a fix or what you'll do in that situation definitely helps as a reference point.
I keep imagining giving birth over Xmas even though not due until March, no idea why - I think your mind likes to play tricks on you and try and prepare you for all eventualities.

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Gingerlady123 · 05/11/2015 09:30

Thank you.
I hope your feeling better today.
I know you from the march board I think, I'm due 19th March.
That's a very good idea and when oh gets home later I will sit down with him and go through them all.
Doctors have asked for a urine sample to be dropped in and sent away and have given me more phenergan for morning sickness- but didn't specify when I can use them up to which is what I'm worrying about as well.
I'm petrified of labour as I think is normal but my goodness I've never wanted the next 20 ish weeks over and labour here as much as I do now

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QforCucumber · 05/11/2015 09:44

haha, I've told DP I no longer want to give birth and am happy to just cook it forever
I would advise to stay away from google, I accidentally ate a raw steak early on and googled and scared myself into such a panic - it really is a vicious circle.
Break it down into little wins - from now it's 7 weeks until Xmas, 8 weeks until New Year, then after that there'll be approx only 7 weeks left until maternity leave and approx 9 weeks left until you have a teeny baby.

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Gingerlady123 · 05/11/2015 12:16

thanks q.
i will try my best to think of it as little stages instead of all the way to march.