Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Hi, I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with DD2.
Obviously when we found out we were expecting again we started to make plans for who would have DD1 who will be 3, and who would be there when I give birth this time.
Thought it best for my mum to have DD1 as they're very close and I can trust her completely, especially considering you never know how long you'll be staying in.
Now last time I had my mum with me as well as my partner when giving birth, she was fantastic and provided much needed support.
Now this time she won't be there due to having DD1, so I thought perhaps my MIL might want to be there for this time, as she wasn't with her own daughter when she gave birth (via EMCS) and the conversation ended with her saying she doesn't know if she'd want to be there, looking a bit apprehensive too.
So I thought that's fine, I can understand that of course. So I asked my sister who was quite delighted! She's only 18 and has been watching all the birth programmes on TV she can find and is quite excited.
All fine and dandy, until today when MIL looked offended when mentioned that my sister would be there and then said "No, I'm going to be there!" - Que absolute shock from me and now I'm really confused.
So now I'm going to have to tell one of them they can't be there and I don't think it's fair that my sister should not be there after 20 odd weeks of thinking she will be, when MIL didn't even give me a straight answer.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't know how to go about it.
Sorry it's long, didn't want to drip feed and its a bit complicated! Thanks if you got this far!
For me its a moment i dont want to share with any one other than dh (no way would i have mil there!!). Its really sweet that you do though, so in your situation id just say im really sorry mil, but you said you werent sure you would want to be there when i asked you and so ive asked my sister to be my birth partner.
She will just have to get over it!
Thank you for replying, yeah I completely get that! Only real reason I want someone else there is mainly due to partner being a bit useless when it comes to labour/ birthing haha! Not that he's a bad person but I think he just genuinely feels quite overwhelmed when he can't help. I wanted my mum there the first time because I was terrified at the thought of giving birth and she's a nurse at the hospital I had DD1 so felt a bit more secure in the fact that if anything went wrong she'd be aware of it quicker and wouldn't take any bull
I wouldn't mind MIL being there, I mean she's a bit loud and embarrassing but she doesn't have much of a relationship with her only daughter and I feel quite sorry for her in that respect, as I'm sure she'd love to be closer to her. I am quite close to her but I really really wish she'd been clear on whether she wanted to be there
You sound like a lovely dil. She is lucky to have you.
Frankly i think id kill my mil if she was there. She is a good person but i can only imagine the sympathetic glances and twittering on at me. Not to mention i dont really want her seeing my bits and pieces! Anyway. I digress!
I think since your sis is excited about it and has been since day 1 it would be unfair to drop her in favour of mil now. She should have been clearer.
Your just going to have to have a 3rd child now so she can attend that birth instead
thank you! We have our moments (mainly me being pfb with DD1) but she's quite laid back and we share a similar sense of humour. And it helps that I know if there was a problem DP would let her know diplomatically he's even offered to tell her she can't come this time but I feel like I should do it so as not to offend her more!
I did say to her after the shock of her announcement that she'd probably see my foof she didn't seem fazed!
I know you're right, I just have to think of how to put it gently but firmly. Or just hope the baby shoots out double quick and there's no time to talk anyone
Haha! The look on DPs face when I suggested that!
It's a difficult situation, either way someone will feel hurt. But I'd definately not change plans and keep your sister with you (trying not to see it from just my perspective as would rather have any of my sisters than my MIL, however lovely she is).
So as suggested above, tell your MIL that she didnt seem keen, you invited your sister who's very happy and you are not changing plans now. MIL may well be upset but she's move on once she gets into the role of bekng a Grandma again. Are you quite close to your sister? Sisterly bonds are strong -anyone should understand and leave it at that if you say 'i want my sister there'.
I don't even want my OH there to be honest! Me and medical staff. He's pretty insistent though.
Thank you very much ladies. I know I can't let my sister down. I'll talk to MIL and tell her she's perfectly welcome to come to the hospital as soon as baby is there and I'm all cleaned up, that should keep her sweet she can even wait outside if she likes haha! Don't think they allow that at my hospital though.
I was toying with the idea of leaving DP at home and having MIL and my sister there probably be more useful! He took a book and read through labour last time. I was furious. Luckily he was in range of the G&A mask so I threw that at him
I am close to my sister. She's a mummy's girl and has some social anxiety issues, so I like to include her in a lot of the things I do, I think it really helps to make her feel wanted (which she is of course) just hope I don't put her off having children!
In my local trust they'll let you have three birthing partners. Maybe ask if yours will?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.