Missed miscarriage options

[DarlingClem]

I found out on a second scan on Friday that I have had a missed miscarriage. So far the plan is a gynaecologist appt tomorrow and then surgical removal Wednesday.

I'm finding myself pretty scared and unsure about the surgery and wondering if taking the pill would be a better option so I just wanted to hear others experiences. We've had a horrible few weeks with waiting to confirm that this pregnancy isn't viable and my FIL dying so I kind of just want to get it all over with. They're both horrible options but is one 'easier,' ie is recovery faster or better with one?

[januarysnowdrop]

I don't have much help to offer here, but wanted to reply anyway. Miscarriages are so awful and it sounds like you're having a horrible time anyway with your fil unwell too. I'm so sorry.

I was never offered the pill option, myself: I had two missed miscarriages, both at around 11 weeks. The first time I opted for surgery but started to miscarry naturally before my appointment so I decided to wait and let it all come out on its own; the second time I started miscarrying in between the first and second scan appointments. I wouldn't particularly recommend the 'wait and let it all come out naturally' route, to be honest: the first time round I was off work for ages waiting for the bleeding to stop and having endless rescans to check it was all out; the second time I had a haemorrhage and ended up overnight in hospital. I think if it ever happened again I would probably go for an ERPC.

Do be kind to yourself. It's such a miserable business and there's really nothing positive to be said about it, but the pain does feel less raw in time.

[nicnicspicnic]

I'm sorry to hear your news and I can really empathise because I went through almost the same -a mmc at 12 weeks and OH's uncle dying suddenly at the same time. I started to miscarry naturally (it was over Christmas so I didn't have the option of surgery.) It was about 2 weeks of heavy bleeding and not wanting to leave the bathroom. Then the scans after to check everything was out. It was manageable but given the option I think I would gone for the surgery just so I didn't have to cope with all the bleeding. I'm not sure that helps you but take care.

[DarlingClem]

Thanks ladies, that helps. I had started doubting what to do because I've been spotting. I've heard the pill may not fully work and you end up having to go for a d&c anyways (sorry I forget what the surgical term is called here). And I was also wondering what happens naturally, if I would still have to go for scans and a potential d&c anyways. Although this is our first earlier loss, we lost our baby at 22 weeks a few years ago so I am worried about a natural miscarriage really upsetting me, I may find a d&c the least traumatic.

We're meant to fly over to Europe on Friday for a long weekend away, it makes me sound cold but I really want to go and not worry about miscarrying while away. We've had such a sh*t few weeks and I feel like getting away just the three of us is really needed.

[thesmallbear]

Hi OP, sorry you are going through this.

I had the pill for my MMC and it was horrific tbh. If I'm ever unlucky enough to go through another MMC I would definitely 100% go for the surgical option.

After my MMC I found a lot of advice and support on the miscarriage board.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage

[GentlyGentlyOhDear]

I had an ERPC last year after discovering an anembryonic pregnancy at 10 weeks. I would definitely go for the erpc if I was ever in the same position again. I liked the fact it was over and done with on that day and I didn't have to 'see' any of it, apart from some bleeding.

It's an awful choice to have to make though.

[Nousername2015]

Your feelings about your weekend away sound entirely rational OP, after the experience of a mmc making time for yourself is one of the best things you can do to put yourself back together.
Ive had medical management for a previous pregnancy, it ended with a night in hospital and a manual d+c type procedure. Unless experiencing the end of the pregnancy will bring you closure (i thought it would for me, not too sure it did) then i would just opt for the surgery. Best wishes to you, look after yourself.

[Brummiegirl15]

Hi Clem I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've had 3 mc's and 2 of those I had surgery. For me it was absolutely 110% the best choice for me.

I needed to close my eyes, open them and for everything to be over. I couldn't face the fear and pain of a medically managed mc. The thought of passing my baby was absolutely more than I could bear. For some people it's right for them so they could grieve.

But I woke up, there was no pain, very minimal bleeding and it was more the recovery from the general anaesthetic and of course the emotional fallout.

I'm pregnant again (am hoping for 4th time lucky) and if I was tragically in the same position again, I would not hesitate to go for surgery

I'm so sorry and I'm thinking of you

[DarlingClem]

Thanks Bear--I was looking for a miscarriage section via the app and couldn't find one so thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

It sounds like surgical is probably the best option for me, the pill sounds pretty awful, or more awful, especially when I have a 16 month old to worry about. I thought it might be the easier option not having to go to hospital since we're both expats with no family around to help with DS but if it prolongs the process and I end up in hospital anyways than it's probably not worth it. At least with a d&c it's only sticking out a day of trying to figure out care for DS and getting me to hospital etc.

[cremedecacao]

I had a MMC last December. I went for the pill. It took a while (was in hospital for 13 hours) and I had to have two doses but I wasn't in horrendous pain. I think each case is different. I did bleed for about 10-14 days after though. In fact I passed the heaviest clots a few days afterwards. It wasn't as quick as I'd hoped.

If it happened again, I would probably opt for surgery just to get it over with.

Best of luck, you'll get through it whatever option you chose x x x

[Glomerulus]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I had medical management for mmc last weds - I chose it because it was the quickest option (offered immediately after the scan as opposed to a weeks wait for d&c). I also wanted to avoid surgery if possible, and fortunately I think it was successful so hopefully I won't need any follow-up treatment.

Everyone seems to react differently, but my experience was that it was very quick (4hrs all in) and incredibly painful - I don't have any DC but wouldn't have wanted them in the house while I miscarried - it was pretty brutal. On that basis alone I would recommend the d&c in your position.

Good luck and look after yourself

[Clairejessica123]

I'm sorry for your loss. I found out last September that I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, two weeks after a friend of mine found out the same. She choose surgery and I choose the pill.

Her recovery was pretty quick within about a week she had stopped bleeding but she suffered with the anaesthetic and pain afterwards. I was wanting to avoid surgery and even though I had to stay over night in hospital and have a emergency d and c awake I think personally I would choose the pill option again as I felt it gave me closure. I had light bleeding for about 5 weeks afterwards but very little pain.

Hopefully the hospital gave you some leaflets with some advice line numbers on. The miscarriage boards are full of lovely ladies going through the same thing who are all lovely. I think everyone's experience is different but I would surround yourselves with a good support network and try and take it easy. Good luck with the option you choose.

[DarlingClem]

Thanks for your stories girls. I think with already having a toddler at home and living overseas on our own with no family help that the d&c is our safest option with knowing what to expect and having it over with quickly. I didn't realize with the pill you stayed in hospital, I naively thought you just went home and had a horrible few hours. I'm going privately so no wait, booked in for Wednesday for surgery if I want it. I have an appointment with the gynaenocolgist tomorrow to go over everything.

[gingerbreadmam]

just wanted to add i had an mmc last year and tried all three options. the erpc was definitely the kindest one psychologically and physically. the relief when it was over was lovely after such a long time waiting for natural then going through failed medical.

like someone up thread i haemorraged 3 times, admitted to hospital twice the second time not being allowed out until an emergency erpc was complete. i know that is probs a worst case scenario so hopefully wouldnt happen but with all the conflicting info about surrounding mc i didnt even realise what was happening the first time and stupidly thought it was normal.

[gingerbreadmam]

also i am so sorry for your loss and hope you have lots of support in real life. thinking of u