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Really need advice please !

(21 Posts)
Tia2005 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:27:37

I will keep this short .im 26+4 weeks and I have a 9 year old from another relationship she does not see her dad . She can be naughty sometime and cheeky and my partner the dad to this pregnancy is saying he don't eant to see my daughter and she's like the girls in town that he avoids and don't speak to when he's out hes said she's bad and she's not going to change and I'm not enough for her I've got so much going on right now I really can't see this working out he also has mental health problems which don't help we don't live together . He won't end things I think he wants me to end it , what would you do

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sun 21-Jun-15 22:30:46

There's so much wrong with this...
1) why would he ever talk to 9 year olds he sees around 'in town' anyway?!
2) he doesn't want to see her, what does he suggest you do with her? Get rid of her? Send her away when he visits?
3) what will he do when his own child is 'cheeky and naughty'?

Get rid. Your daughter deserves better.

Tia2005 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:32:23

He says she is like the woman in town when he's out I said she's only 9 he said he can see what she's going to turn out like

Newtobecomingamum Sun 21-Jun-15 22:32:31

I was really worried when I read your post.

Please get away safely so your daughter is safe... Especially making remarks like that and having mental health problems.

JassyRadlett Sun 21-Jun-15 22:32:34

Oh OP, how awful. He sounds grim, I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

Your children come first. What horrible things to say about a 9 year old.

Tia2005 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:34:44

I also said that to him about his own child he said he will tell his own child but because my daughter is not his he won't say anything

Tia2005 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:35:25

I've had a shit weekend sad

mrschatty Sun 21-Jun-15 22:36:20

Alarm bells. Why has he got such little patience for a child? What is he expecting to happen when his own child is naughty? Why can you not tell him that it's his job now to be a role model to your daughter...wouldn't you have expected that and finally why are you in a relationship and having a baby with someone who has made no effort with your little girl?
And if he's saying your not enough for her what does he mean? Is he just wanting her out of your life? Sinister

Newtobecomingamum Sun 21-Jun-15 22:39:17

You come as a package... That's your daughter. Where does he want get to go?

I would leave this man ASAP and keep him away from your daughter.

Bellejournee Sun 21-Jun-15 22:39:18

She's 9, she's nothing like a woman in town or anywhere. They're meant to be cheeky, hard work, naughty at times...

Please think about your daughter, do you really want someone speaking about her so negatively? This situation sounds very concerning,

Tia2005 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:39:42

It really upset me when he said that he was saying that nothing is good enough for her even me !he said he don't want to be a step dad to her because she has a dad even tho her real dad is long gone

Tia2005 Sun 21-Jun-15 22:42:43

I no I have to leave him I said to him what about when the baby's born he said he will come and go so basically when my daughter is not here he will come when she is he will go because he saying my daughter makes him depressed

popalot Mon 22-Jun-15 06:45:40

Not a nice person to have in your daughter's life. Change your locks and tell him he can't 'come and go' as he pleases, he can just go. Likely he will be unkind to your next child too, sure he'll come up with some excuse. There are plenty of good men out there. Don't settle for an arse, for your daughter's sake.

ARV1981 Mon 22-Jun-15 06:54:08

Please get rid of him. Your children have to come first. He is being completely unreasonable and imo disturbing.

You and your children deserve so much better.

newbian Mon 22-Jun-15 07:06:35

I'm deeply concerned about the comments he is making about your daughter. On that basis alone I would be looking to get him away from her for her mental and emotional (at the very least) safety.

Homebird8 Mon 22-Jun-15 07:08:20

Tia I am afraid for your little girl. He is thinking of her as a grown woman - at 9 shock. I dread to imagine what he thinks about the "women in town" and he is equating her with them.

It's not just your DD he is judging against a totally unreasonable measure, it's you too. Of course you are enough for her. You are her mum. And she is not bad, she's 9.

Please keep him away. Your new baby and your DD need you to protect them. And with such twisted logic and manipulation I think you need to make sure you are safe too.

Are you? How much is he there? Do you have RL friends and family you can spend more time with?

Tia2005 Mon 22-Jun-15 07:39:47

He comes probably every week and stops for a few days .

Tia2005 Mon 22-Jun-15 07:43:10

It's like when we went on holiday he spent nearly all week in the room because he said I was asking my daughter what she wants to do next and I wasn't asking him he said I made he like he wanted to kill himself

Newtobecomingamum Mon 22-Jun-15 08:39:53

Tia can't you see how alarming this all sounds. You keep posting more terrible things he has said or done... But are you listening to all of the advice from the posters and making plans to end it now.

I would be seriously seriously concerned about your daughter and especially wouldn't want a baby around him.

I really hope you are strong enough to leave him. Best of luck x

Homebird8 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:28:27

Tia, this isn't right. Talk to Women's Aid about the sort of things he says to you and the things he does. I suspect you're only telling us the tiniest part of what's happening.

You are a good mum and your actions and those of your DD are not anything to do with his mental health. He needs to get help, and do it for himself. Until he has that help he is only going to hurt you, your DD, and soon your baby too. At the moment he is hurting you all and your instincts are telling you it's not right.

Whether or not he is trying to get you to end it, I think you should. What do you feel about that idea?

LumpyCustard69 Mon 22-Jun-15 11:44:34

I completely agree with everything Homebird8 has said. Please talk to someone.

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