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Planned pregnancy but seriously in shock. Anybody else?

(15 Posts)
quesadillas Sun 01-Feb-15 13:24:56


Just discovered I'm pregnant. It was planned, but my reaction is not what I was expecting. It's my second pregnancy (DS is 2) and I'm mid-30s. Last pregnancy was ok, but diabetes made the last few months tricky. The birth ended in an emergency section. DH has a very stressful job and I found the first few months of motherhood difficult.

I'd always wanted 2, so we tried again. But when the test came up I just had a bit of a meltdown. And I feel so guilty for that. I think the problems last time are on my mind, plus the fact that I feel I became a better mother when I returned to work, and the thought of a year's maternity leave is a bit frightening. As well as that, I'm terrified of something going wrong with the pregnancy. I suspect I had undiagnosed PND last time, so maybe that's coming back. All this is combined with the fact that I know others have had far worse problems.

Am I just being silly? I'm hoping as it sinks in I'll feel better. I'll be buying a digital test tomorrow (done line in the window ones the last few days) so maybe it'll feel real then. Hopefully.....

Zsazsabinks Sun 01-Feb-15 13:28:35

That sounds completely normal and nothing to feel guilty about!

Pregnancy is a huge thing. Give yourself a little bit of time and CONGRATULATIONS! x

Glitterball86 Sun 01-Feb-15 13:29:30

Firstly congratulations!!

Didn't want to read and run smile

I don't think you are being silly at all, this is my first pregnancy and I am still in shock/denial whatever you want to call it. I have suffered badly from depression in the past and am also concerned this may rear it's ugly head again sad

Best advise I have been given is to relax and enjoy it , what will be will be and if PND does rear it's ugly head it's not the end of the world you are not alone and there is plenty of help support and guidance available!
Wishing you all the best X

hippymama1 Sun 01-Feb-15 13:43:31

We were planning to start a family but when I got PG it was a massive shock and I cried for a week wink I think it's natural - it's an enormous thing to happen... Give yourself a break and a couple of days to let it all sink in... Congratulations! flowers

PossumPoo Sun 01-Feb-15 13:48:10

I found out l was pregnant with dc2 2 weeks ago and cried telling dh and dm. We were trying but after 2 mc in row l felt more apprehensive than l realised l would.

sleepybee Sun 01-Feb-15 13:50:45

I was really in shock when I got the positive test. My husband was away for the day & I seriously freaked out. I didn't want to tell him on the phone. I confirmed by taking multiple tests throughout the day then when I arrived home the words just wouldn't come out my mouth he knew something was going on but I told him I was fine. I eventually told him after a few hours & I then cried as I wouldn't be able to go a trip to US again for a while haha. I got over it, but I've just hit the 3rd tri & feeling like an overwhelmed emotional wreck at the moment confused

quesadillas Sun 01-Feb-15 14:42:51

Oh good, glad it's not just me! It wasn't like this last time! Maybe it's that conceiving was quicker this time that's shocked me. It took 4 months last time so maybe I had more time to get used to the idea.

I'll keep thinking positively - all going well I won't be pregnant at Christmas!

CityDweller Sun 01-Feb-15 15:12:51

Don't beat yourself too much about this. It's ok to feel what(ever) you feel, even if it's not what you think you're 'supposed' to.

When I got preg w/ DD (after not trying, but not trying not too either iyswim) we had massive 2nd thoughts for ages. I posted on here and got some incredibly helpful advice.

It's great that you're aware of the potential for PND this time and also that mat leave won't be a barrel of laughs. I too was much happier when I went back to work (DD was 8.5 mo) and this time around I plan to go back to work at a similar, if not earlier, stage. Mat leave and full-time childcare in general isn't for me. But I still think I'm a decent mother, and luckily, DH is a brilliant father, so he makes up for all my shortcomings. I also started enjoying things much more once DD got older. So now I view the first year of forthcoming DC's life as almost the 'means to an end' to get to the fun stuff.

Anyway, give yourself time and accept your feelings for what they are. Try not to read too much into what you feel at this early stage

Oh, and congratulations!

quesadillas Sun 01-Feb-15 16:53:32

Thanks for all your kind words. They've been good to read today.

Citydweller, I know what you mean about babyhood being a means to an end. I'm a really good mother of a toddler, but spent the whole baby time completely stressed!

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 01-Feb-15 21:18:09

OP I've not felt the way you feel; but just wanted to say you don't have to take a year's maternity if you don't want to. In lots of countries it's not even remotely possible to take that much time off work. My sister went back to work full time when both of hers were 12 weeks and her DCs are both adorable well adjusted happy children. I'm not sure yet how much time I will take. I love the theory of a year, but I have a feeling I will be climbing the walls well before then, no matter how much I live my future child.

Best wishes and hope you can see the way forward soon.

ABottleOfWhiteRum Sun 01-Feb-15 21:28:34

Congratulations! Do think about taking a shorter maternity leave. If you are in the UK the laws will have changed in time for your DH to be able to take it instead of you if that would work for you.

pinkie1982 Sun 01-Feb-15 21:52:11

It will be fine! I had a shock after deciding Almost two years ago when we were going to start trying. The shock for me was because it happened so quickly and my OH was convinced it hadn't sunk in with me. He was right. I didn't let myself believe it until I saw my baby on the screen at 12w.

RiverRocks Mon 02-Feb-15 09:44:47

Don't panic quesadillas.

The minimum time you have to have off after the birth is 2 weeks. Anything after that is up to you.

If you and DH don't want to put your baby into childcare so young, after April (I'm assuming you're not suddenly 8 months grin) you can split maternity leave with your DH.

Ps - I'm 32 weeks and it still doesn't feel real, so I wouldn't worry too much about that part of it.

Congratulations flowers

itsnotmeitsyou1 Mon 02-Feb-15 12:34:16

I hope it's normal OP, because even through my partner and I really wanted a baby, as soon as I'm pregnant I just freak out. Last time ended in m/c, I was devastated. Tried again, now the same feeling of fear/it's not real/won't be able to cope, have come back. Doesn't help having a partner who's answer to everything is 'everything will be fine, the baby won't cry for 3 days straight, it won't be an arsy teenager, we don't have to worry about money'. The man lives up on the clouds with bloody unicorns and care bears imo hmm. Anyway, congratulations op, positive thinking and all that!

Naturegirl82 Mon 02-Feb-15 13:53:51

Quesa sounds perfectly normal to me. Dh and I wanted a second and decided to let nature take it's course. It happened a lot sooner than we thought and I too cried when I told DH (he was over the moon!)! Had a good old sob that night. It's not that I wasn't happy about having a second, I think it's just the shock and you are much more aware of how hard it is. Like you it was also the thought of giving up work again for a short time and all the things I was going to miss out on. I also started feeling guilty that I wouldn't get to spend as much time with DD1. Still not fully sunk in and I'm 17 weeks now but looking forward to it all. Just remember the hormones do weird things to us!

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