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Terrified of birth

(26 Posts)
Emilyjane11 Wed 14-Jan-15 20:44:11

Hi ladies,

Been mulling over posting this for a while as I know I will be fine afterwards but its starting to intefere with me enjoying my pregnancy.

Im terrified of giving birth. I am 15 weeks today and I am a size 18 with a BMI of 35 meaning I am high risk. Please dont lecture me on my weight because it wasnt a plan to get pregnant whilst being big but it happened and now thats that.

I am worried a, my body wont cope with the pain. B, my body physically wont be able to give birth to my baby. Irrational I know but theres also things I think about that worries me also. I want a relaxing birth and do not want to to start the whole thing panicky.

I plan on doing pre natal yoga and researching hypno birthing just to make me feel a little more relaxed but what I really am after is some positive stories to make me feel a bit better especially from bigger ladies like me.

This is me at the moment, already huge!!

Mummy1106 Wed 14-Jan-15 20:57:20

Being pregnant and giving birth is normal and our bodies are designed for it.
I was petrified of the pain. Yes, it hurts, but it slowly builds up.
Imagine period pain, well that is exactly how contractions will feel. You survived period pains and you'll survive giving birth to the greatest love of your life. Just enjoy it and get plenty of sleep in advance.
Good luck
Ps. You do not look huge

bexster5 Wed 14-Jan-15 20:57:47

Hey lovely,

I was petrified of giving birth. I kept wondering why I'd thought getting pregnant was a good idea because I was always terrified of it!

I did hypnobirthing and active birth classes to help me come to terms with it. It helped me get through the pregnancy!

I wrote an extensive birth plan and was very worried about any intervention and didn't want any pain relief.

In the end I was induced for being so late and I had many interventions and lots of pain relief. And you know what, it was so fine!!! I never thought I'd cope but somehow my body just kicked in and I managed not to have some sort of complete breakdown. I felt so positive afterwards!

I now think of giving birth as on some ways similar to paper cuts (bear with...). If you had to read up and think about for months in advance all the details of a paper cut, of what happens to all your skin and tissue when you have a paper cut... All ready for a paper cut to be done to you I imagine you might be a bit freaked out about the paper cut. When you just have a paper cut by accident you just get on with it. It's not that bad. I think childbirth has some similarities in that we spend ages learning all about its gruesome parts and dwelling on it... when it actually comes down to it you just get on with it and it's fine!!

I was so phobic beforehand. I subsequently went on to have another baby without any qualms.

Good luck. I hope you find a way to feel calmer about this. If I can do it (& I'm a melodramatic fainter and total wuss) then you can too!!!

bexster5 Wed 14-Jan-15 20:59:44

And you don't look huge you look gorgeous!!!

Emilyjane11 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:01:04

Bexster5 thank you so much I could hug you! I think Ive just had a mini freak out and I needed some encouraging words. Thank you. And to you too Mummy1106. I posted a picture for reassurance I think more than anything people are joking my baby is going to be massive and its making me very paranoid x

BigCatFace Wed 14-Jan-15 21:05:07

Check out the plus size bumps thread, lots of us here bigger than you (my BMI was 36 at booking in) having healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies smile I'm scared of birth too, but take comfort in our bodies literally being made for this. It's going to be OK.

CheekyWeeGandT Wed 14-Jan-15 21:07:27

I was also terrified of giving birth. Very very low pain threshold and a tendency to panic in medical situations where I have little or no control. Had it been an option, I would have been happy to have a general anaesthetic and c-section so that I knew nothing about any of it.
As that wasn't an option, I was starting to seriously panic. I looked into hypnobirthing and it turned everything around - can't recommend it highly enough. I ended up having a natural birth, 16 days past my due date, with no pain relief at all.
As a PP said, your body is designed for it. Hypnobirthing is about how a lot of the pain/problems in childbirth is because of stress and fear which means muscles tighten and adrenalin pumps so the body is working against itself.
Good luck with it!

bambinibop Wed 14-Jan-15 21:08:02

It's really going to be okay, your body knows what to do and it isn't that bad just don't go reading any horror stories there's just no point. Focus on the positives. And think about meeting your new baby. And don't forget there's lots of options for pain relief! In the end I only had gas and air and I got to fully dilated at home with no pain relief. It was only the last few hours I needed the gas and air and it was only the final push (literally! ) where I thought okay I don't want to do this anymore and then suddenly I was handed my daughter!

And you definitely don't look huge!

Can I just say I bloody love the paper cut analogy that is so so so true!!!

BigCatFace Wed 14-Jan-15 21:08:28

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/a2226615-Plus-size-bumps

33goingon64 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:11:34

Read New Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger. It really helped me crystalise in my mind what I was aiming for with being as relaxed as poss during birth. She basically explains how our bodies are designed to do this and how to channel any fear or pain into positive energy to help cope. When it came to the final stages I don't think I was relaxed at all but it must have helped that I didn't waste energy panicking earlier on.

noitsbecky Wed 14-Jan-15 21:11:46

Emily you look gorgeous!

Emilyjane11 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:12:11

Thank you so much ladies the advice on here in invaluble and deffo made me more interested in hypno birthing. Do you think classes are necessary? Or the books and cds good enough?

Emilyjane11 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:13:07

Thank you noitsbecky smile

Naomip88 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:23:27

I was absolutely terrified about giving birth - I used to have recurring nightmares about labour for years but I am currently 39 weeks pregnant and I'm actually looking forward to labour in a weird way! I'm nervous but in the same way you get nervous before a big adventure! I've been listening to hypno birthing CDs for a couple of months before I go to sleep which I think have been really helpful and I would recommend reading positive birth stories . Have you thought about joining an nct class? I found that helped as feeling more informed and prepared made me feel more confident and it was nice meeting other people with the same concerns and feelings as me.

MamaLazarou Wed 14-Jan-15 21:33:03

OP, you are gorgeous and you are going to be fine.

Emilyjane11 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:34:50

I do want to do the classes but I dont know when is the best time to start them? I will 100% be buying some hypno birthing cds and books to help me. I am definitley the kind of person that will do as much as possible to make myself feel better when I feel nervous and you have definitley helped me too so thank you x

bexster5 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:37:26

Contact your local hypnobirthing teachers and ask them when they would recommend you join a course. I think I started a course in December and was due in March (though I didn't pop til mid April :/ hollow laugh :/ )

Izzy24 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:40:45

Pregnancy yoga and hypnobirthing are absolutely the best preparation for labour and birth WHATEVER your BMI. And at 35 I wouldn't anticipate any particular problems.

And yes, you look lovely !

Mummy1106 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:48:19

People which are joking about the size of your baby are not on.
The last thing you need to hear is 'ohhh, you are so big', the worst one was ' that's going to be a whopper'. I felt so awful.
You look beautiful and you will be fine.
Pregnant woman do have an angelic aura about them. As for the pain, if I can go through giving birth than you will too. Wimp is my middle name.
At the end of it, you will be so much in love with your baby that you could cry, and you probably will. Ever heard that on " I'm so happy, I can cry"....
Roller coaster of emotions is ahead of you. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.
Just enjoy it

Threesoundslikealot Wed 14-Jan-15 21:49:54

You DO look gorgeous!

I've had two children while having a BMI of 30+. Both at home. I actually enjoyed most of labour and birth. The pain was always manageable, I absolutely loved the birth pool, and I recovered quickly twice. I'm pregnant again and can't wait to give birth. Hypnobirthing should really help you let go of your fear.

I can tell you, hand on heart, that labour is far from the most painful experience I've had. Yes, I was lucky that everything was straightforward, but lots of other women are too. Labour is a process that is productive and ends - it's a muscle contracting and nothing sinister or scary.

Emilyjane11 Wed 14-Jan-15 21:52:09

Thank you so much. I will contact a hypno birthing teacher by email now and see what they reccomend. Its my sister in law thats joking and its starting to piss me off a bit now!! I try and laugh it off but the more scared I get the more intolerant I have become. I just need to listen to you lot telling me its going to be fine!!

Naomip88 Wed 14-Jan-15 22:28:02

Yes and try to ignore people commenting on the size of your bump, it's insane how people feel once you're pregnant it's ok to openly discuss your body shape! I got quite big quite quickly but plateaued mid pregnancy. whenever I got pissed off at people commenting how big my bump was I thought of my friend who had a tiny bump and constantly worried that something was wrong and that her baby wasn't getting big enough. People used to go on about tiny she was too. I've loved being pregnant but the pregnancy small talk with strangers has been the worst bit!

eachpeachbarebum Wed 14-Jan-15 23:12:59

Emily you look a happy, gorgeous mum to be.
I too was terrified of giving birth.i felt like I'd got myself into a situation with only way out; giving birth, and was scared. I can't comment on size (though you don't look big) as I am a size 8-10 but it was bad in it's way as everyone kept going on about the size of my bump and my narrow hips not being able to cope!
Fear led me to buy hypnobirthing cds (Maggie Howell I think). They changed my way of thinking straight away.i didn't go to any courses, just relaxed on my bed or in the bath listening to the cds. Part of the idea is that in your latter stages you listen to a specific one which talks you through your birth experience. This means that when it actually happens your brain trips back to the relaxing mood before and it seems familiar. This keeps you more relaxed and when you are relaxed the contractions aren't as bad. In fact she said not to use the word pain.they are just powerful sensations to bring your baby out. This is exactly how I saw it. I gave birth twice using this method with no pain relief and it was amazing. I was ready to have whatever drugs would get me through but the reality was I went really quiet and was self contained in my own little bubble to enjoy it. Dp was there and supportive.he had thought it was all a bit woo but was amazed what an effect it had. The medical staff commented too. They tried to send me home at one point as they said I had to be in early stages.when they examined me I was fully dilated and ready to push.
I needed some stitches after both and used the technique for that to as I trusted it more than drugs/gas and air.
I am honestly the biggest wimp but it was a revelation. I am fortunate in that both births were fairly straightforward but my second was 10 lb. If it can work for me it really can work for anyone. Please try it.
Sorry for being so wordy. Don't want to sound like I'm showing off either. I just want to put the positive side across. Too often people only want to tell you about the negative. There are lots of women who have good experiences whether it's with the help of hypnobirthing, epidural, gas and air whatever. The thing that matters is that it is right for you.
Enjoy your pregnancy, try hypnotherapy, yoga etc.my view was it can't do any harm and may just help.
PM me if you want cd details and lots of luck. You'll be fine!

hippymama1 Wed 14-Jan-15 23:13:28

I am 16 weeks and was also terrified of giving birth! I was so worried about it that I burst into tears at my booking in appointment and through the snot / sobs asked for an ELCS as I was too scared to think about giving birth naturally and have forgone having kids previously because I have been so scared.

Check with your MW if there is someone at your hospital who can help with this - the MW at my booking in referred me to the ELCS 'Birth Talk" midwife at my hospital and I saw her last week... The talk was brilliant - one to one, plenty of time and not rushed and the MW I saw was so lovely - she answered all of my questions, was so helpful and it made me feel much more in control and really positive. I decided not to have an ELCS as a result of the appointment but she gave me her contact number in case I need to contact for follow up appointments etc or to talk more. Find out if there is one in your area :-)

Good luck with everything and you look fabulous x

bubalou Wed 14-Jan-15 23:18:59

Giving birth is terrifying for everybody. I know someone who was a size 6 who gave birth perfectly fine naturally, another friend who's a size 20 who did too and a friend who is horizontally challenged as she calls it at 4ft 10 - also a perfectly healthy natural birth.

I think it's a great idea for everybody -
No matter their body shape to do what you're doing and to help your body and mind get as prepared as it can be.

smile

My size 20 friend was still losing her baby weight from her 1.5 year old when she fell pregnant with her 2nd (she was sooo happy but not expecting to naturally as had IVF for 6 years to conceive dc1).

Anyway she carried on with her slimming world, her dc2 is now here and 4 months old. I saw her the other day and she looks terrific and is already a stone lighter then before she got pregnant as slimming world is safe to carry on through pregnancy.

smile

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