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Pregnancy

Taking food to in-laws

21 replies

JennyBlueWren · 07/12/2014 15:24

I'll be 31/32 weeks at Christmas. Originally we were going to be hosting with my in-laws coming down to us but MIL now wants us to come up to them as she thinks the travelling would be too much for GIL.

Apart from the travelling and needing to make arrangements for our cats my main worry is about food. When we visit in-laws they always have food at odd and unpredictable times.

I found this hard enough when I wasn't pregnant but now am really worried about it. I've been suffering from indigestion and heartburn and need to have something (small) to eat quite regularly. Last time we visited (about 20 weeks) I had to get my DH to ask if we could have lunch (getting on for 3pm) as I was feeling ill and he was told off for this. Also she tends to service rather rich food (lots of creamy dressings) although always checks the key ingredients with me knowing I'm fussy. She's told me her own pregnancy was easy and she felt better than normal so think she doesn't really understand.

Would I be unreasonable to take some food along to eat when I need to -thinking first thing in the morning (they get up late), and for when meals aren't materialising. And if so what? I would normally eat toast or cereal and would aim for high fibre type foods but am not allowed in the kitchen (or even to send DH in) and don't want to cause her a fuss. Have previously taken cereal bars but think they'll be too sweet.

I'm really worried about being sick when I'm there or them making a fuss or giving me a "cure" to try when all I want is a soaked towel and to go to bed.

Any advice would be great!

OP posts:

Report

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/12/2014 15:27

I find Belvita breakfast biscuits reallyhit the spot when I was pregnant. Not sweet, filling, and easy to just have with a brew.

She sounds a fricking nightmare!

BusyBusyBusy1 · 07/12/2014 15:38

Take a plastic bowl, spoon, your fave cereal and UHT milk. Keep it in your bedroom (Milk can go on window ledge inside or out to stay fresh). Retreat to your bedroom for 'rest' whenever you need to and have as much cereal as you want - you can rinse bowl in bathroom sink. Pre sliced fruit loaf also a great one for filling you up and not giving you heartburn. Good luck

TheSpottedZebra · 07/12/2014 15:46

Do you want to go? If she's that pernickety about her kitchen, (at 32 weeks), I'd probably politely decline and stay at home.

woodychip · 07/12/2014 15:48

What do you mean you are not allowed in the kitchen? Does she stand guard? Just get up, say I hope you don't mind but I need to make myself some toast and then make yourself some! Surely she won't say no. And if she does, shake your head incredulously and say, what, I can't make some toast???!!

BlinkingHeck · 07/12/2014 15:58

Just stay at home!
They sound so weird.

JennyBlueWren · 07/12/2014 16:13

In all other respects they're lovely and would want to see them and GIL, but she's very different to my mum.

Good ideas there. Think fruit loaf would be good as I can try to get it as toast or eat raw.
I think when she phones tonight I'll try to talk to her about it. DH really doesn't want to go up especially as trains mean we'll have to travel up on Christmas Eve and not back until the 27th (he thought there were trains on Christmas Day and Boxing Day). He's worried about the cats (a friend will look in on them) and also always a bit paranoid about people stealing Christmas presents!

Not sure if GIL has been asked her opinion on travelling or not and although generally doesn't like being away from home she's enjoyed staying with us before and likes our cats.

OP posts:

cheesecakemom · 07/12/2014 17:46

Yes I would stay at home. PIL tend to starve us when we visit, even at Christmas. All portions are so small and you feel like you are constantly asking for food. So we just stay at home for Christmas now. They also serve turkey sandwiches for dinner - the same turkey that should have been on my plate at lunch .....

If you must go, how about cereal bars, dried fruit, take your own yoghurts and fruit, snacks etc and tell them you have pregnancy cravings.

TheScenicRoute · 07/12/2014 20:50

Web have to Sneak food in when we visit my BRother and Sister in law, the whole family have mentioned that they loose weight when there because they eat the same size portions as their 7 & 9 year old (who then ask for seconds and get it!!!) they eat more than the adults. I'm sure my brother must have full cooked meals midday at work to survive! To be honest due to the flight we end up taking junk type foods that are easy to pack. Could you make some fruit/bran loaves and cut them up ready to be portion sized or would you prefer shop bought? Perhaps you could do our trick and 'go for a walk' to the shops?

JennyBlueWren · 07/12/2014 22:13

Their portion sizes at meals tend to be really large and lunch or dinner will be three courses!
Dried fruit could be good. Cravings for fruit and fibre and fruit toast would be reasonable too I suppose. Will get DH to happen to mention it so they can get some stuff in. They don't mean to be mean or anything they just don't think that it matters.

OP posts:

OttiliaVonBCup · 07/12/2014 22:16

How come you're not allowed in the kitchen?

That's plain mad.
Invade and make as many cups of peppermint tea and toast as you need.

EstRusMum · 07/12/2014 22:33

Err, don't go there. If you don't feel comfortable(and not only you, it's your baby too) there, why would you even consider going there? If your MIL will refuse listen to you and understand that you need to eat at any time you want, just refuse going there and stay home.

ladyflower23 · 07/12/2014 22:43

I would be very, very hangry to be left waiting till 3pm for my lunch, even when non pregnant. I would say travelling too much for you and have a romantic Christmas at home with your DH and enjoy your Christmas lunch at the time you want with as much snacks as you want!

zipzap · 07/12/2014 23:19

Do you think she has contrived the GIL excuse because she prefers to be in control and doesn't want to have the hassle of travelling herself but prefers to do the cooking, control the kitchen and access to food etc etc? Sounds like it from what you've said!

I'd double check with GIL if she is worried about the travelling or if she is ok with it - if it's the latter then I'd be tempted to call mil's bluff and say that it's ok as gil is fine to travel so you can all have christmas at yours as planned and watch the sparks fly as she tries to work out another reason why you still need to go to hers for christmas.

if gil isn't able to travel then why not say that because you're pregnant you don't think it's a good idea to travel with the masses on christmas eve and the first day the trains are running again as they'll be incredibly busy and horrible, but that you'll go up on say the 28th and back home on the 29th so that trains won't be quite as packed and it will be easier/safer to travel... hell, if you're pg then use it to your advantage to create a great excuse that she can't argue with. Even invoking your midwife can be very useful - after all most of them advise against things that cause unnecessary physical and/or mental stress which is what they would be saying to you anyway - not a lot a mil can reasonably argue against the advice of a midwife!

And if you do end up having to go - I'd definitely flag up in advance that being pregnant has left you with a very unpredictable appetite so that you need to eat, quickly, at normal meal times unexpectedly, and that by not eating when you feel hungry it leaves you feeling rather ill so that you'll be bringing x, y and z with you, please could she ensure that there is space in the fridge for your bits and that you or dh can access it when it's needed, so that you don't collapse/throw up violently/whatever excuse will worry her most...

Inertia · 07/12/2014 23:26

I'd be reluctant to go at 32 weeks with train hassle anyway, but to be at that stage and not even allowed in the kitchen to get something to eat or drink if you need it is just absurd.

Personally I'd just tell them you've been advised not to risk the journey either and stay at home.

Jodie1982 · 07/12/2014 23:33

I'd rather stay at home. Much more comfortable, less fuss and you won't have to starve! Travelling at your stage of pregnancy would b tiring too. Why not just have a lovely Xmas at home with DP? I'm
Always at home Xmas time with my partner n children, much less hassle.

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 08/12/2014 00:02

It could be worth trying to challenge her behaviour now before your baby arrives. She doesn't sound very hospitable.

Babies won't wait hours for food etc. They (your IL) are going to have to get used to things changing....

MonstrousRatbag · 08/12/2014 00:06

Don't go; or
Get your DH to tell them you and he WILL be going in the kitchen as and when needed; and/or
take oatcakes, apples, chocolate and unsalted nuts.

But really, it has to be 1).

Maxis1 · 08/12/2014 06:12

I had plannd to fly home for Xmas and when my mum called back 2 days after me telling them they were going to be grandparents they made me cancel my flights and are coming instead. even though that means sleeping in a B&B as my flat is just too small. That was back in October.

Now 2 weeks to Xmas I am actually glad I cancelled my flights. I am still ok healthwise but I would not want to be among so many people travelling. Half of them coughing and sneezing!

So I would also say stay home. Tell them you are happy for them to join them but if they can't they will just have to spend Xmas without you coz you really dont need the extra stress and god forbid some idiot pushing you on the trains!

sandgrown · 08/12/2014 06:26

My only thought is that next year you will probably want to be at home with your baby so if you can manage the visit this time they should not expect you next year. I agree that your DH should tell them you need to eat little and often to avoid feeling ill but will bring your own snacks.

Psmith83 · 08/12/2014 07:59

Hey OP! Peanut butter on granola bars is a fav of mine- sticks to the ribs and is WELL savoury.

browneyedgirly · 08/12/2014 10:43

My advice would be to try not to stress about it and totally downplay it. Definitely don't let it spoil your Christmas. It does sound like your MIL has a strange approach to food but we're all different! I would just take lots of snacks with you and take them straight into the kitchen when you arrive, announcing that you hope no one minds that you'll have to keep nibbling to keep your blood sugar level up - you are pregnant after all! I can't imagine anyone begrudging a pregnant woman that!! I'd also keep some emergency cereal bars/biscuits/crisps in your room so that if you still feel uncomfortable about it, you can sneak away to eat.

Basically, be as charming as possible about it, be the bigger woman (sorry, pun intended!) - there doesn't really seem to me to be anything for her to object to.

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