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Feeling a bit sad :( help please

(20 Posts)
Emilyjane11 Sun 02-Nov-14 19:52:19

Hi ladies,

I am 5 weeks pregnant today and had my first midwife appointment at the hospital. She's sent me home with my notes and also some notes on healthy eating and weight during pregnancy. I have a BMI of 35 and reading all these leaflets she has given me has sent me into a mini panic.

I ideally wanted to lose weight before conceiving but that didn't happen and my midwife did say that I didn't look my weight (I am 6ft) and look very healthy. My blood pressure was fine and everything too.

Im just wondering how many women are overweight and pregnant like me too? Or have you been overweight while pregnant before? Have you had any experiences that you think would help?

I know it's my own fault but I really wanted to be healthier before getting pregnant and now all I want to do it be as healthy as I can be

Thanks

BlinkAndMiss Sun 02-Nov-14 20:12:37

I wasn't overweight the first time, but I'm definitely overweight now and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. I was very weight conscious the first time around and even more so now but I'm sure that as long as you are healthy and don't gain weight at an alarming rate then it's fine. There are associated risks but if you're healthy then they are no more likely to apply to you than if you were a 'healthy' BMI.

Try to stop giving yourself a hard time about it, you don't want to have that to worry about and to be concerned by every morsel you put in your mouth. It's natural to gain weight when pregnant so please just focus on gaining slowly and healthily, that's what I plan to do.

My 'morning' sickness appeared at 6 weeks, tbh I eat what I like when I like to combat the hideous nausea that is controlling my life. Once that's gone I will eat very healthy food and focus on being healthy rather than my weight.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, the midwife has to give you all the information but as long as your weight gain stays within the typical range then I doubt they'll really bring it up again. Try to relax smile.

WhyOWhyWouldYou Sun 02-Nov-14 20:31:57

My BMI is higher than yours.

They have to give you the doom and gloom paperwork at booking in re weight - the reality is the majority of women with high BMI won't have any of those problems, there's just a reasonably small increased risk of having certain problems. Chances are you will have a easy straightforward pregnancy.

Plus focus on the positives you'll probably get extra scans at 28 & 34weeks - extra chance to see your little baby.

My midwife reccomended two books from Tommy's charity (free to individuals) - "having a healthy pregnancy" and "managing your weight in pregnancy" - both are good books. Here's the website
https://www.tommys.org/shop?&nccsm=15&__nccscid=54&__nccsct=Pregnancy+publications+for+individuals

MrsLovell Sun 02-Nov-14 20:33:29

I completely understand how you feel! I'm 13 weeks and have a BMI OF 37. When I went to my first midwife appointment she made me feel dreadfully guilty for being so overweight and told me there was no way I could use the pool like I wanted unless I lost a ton of weight which she said was basically impossible to do safely. I have struggled with my weight all my life but try to eat healthy and do regular exercise, I also wanted to lose a bit more weight before I feel pregnant, but nature had other ideas, besides I am otherwise pretty health, blood pressure good and no other conditions. I have also been really nauseous which has meant I have very little choice about the food I can eat, but thankfully I have gone right off very sweet or fatty foods which I guess will help. But because the first midwife made me feel so bad I chose to switch my care to a different hospital and the new midwife I saw was a lot more sympathetic and gave me hope that everything was going to be OK (she was also a big woman, so it was a bit easier to take it from her I guess.) she just told me to keep eating little and often and as healthy as possible, plus gentle exercise and it will all be fine. So I feel a lot happier with things now. If you are really unhappy with how you have been treated you can switch to a different midwife or hospital if you want. Or maybe just tell the midwife that you need to feel like you are not being judged because of your weight, because at this point it's not really helpful. I hope everything works out for you x

WhyOWhyWouldYou Sun 02-Nov-14 20:35:19

Oh and on the weight gain front - don't worry about it. Often if you start with a high bmi you'll naturally gain slower anyway. Just eat sensible (where nausea allows) and try to keep active.

Emilyjane11 Sun 02-Nov-14 20:39:44

Thank you ladies you have all made me feel better. My midwife wasn't nasty about it or anything she was the one that told me I didn't look my weight and that i looked healthy. She was a big lady also.

So far the only symptoms I have had is weepyness, cramping and tierdness. It sounds daft but im hoping I get more to make it feel more real! Haha

Thanks a lot smile

magneticfield55 Sun 02-Nov-14 22:16:57

My BMI is 37, I'm only 4ft 11" and weigh 13st! I gained a ton of weight taking antipsychotic medication. It is hard to lose and fell pregnant unexpectedly. I also "don't look my weight" apparently, but I'm fat and there you go! Automatically high risk due to BMI. Only really been made to feel shit about it once at 12 weeks. Had severe sickness until 18 weeks and got a "watch what you eat, you're DEFINITELY going to get GD and PE!" I couldn't keep food down at this point and also had an eating disorder for 10 years so have found this whole thing upsetting and triggery.

I have no weight related problems and so far nothing in pregnancy either. I haven't gained any weight yet (25 weeks).

Bellyrub1980 Mon 03-Nov-14 05:43:39

My BMI was 31 at the start of my pregnancy. So I joined slimming world who do a special pregnancy plan. It's very safe and you can eat LOADS. I've never eaten so much fruit and veg in my life (which obviously is great for the baby too).

Anyhoo, between week 7 and week 38 I only gained 7lbs!!!! I'm now 41 weeks and have gained another 5lbs but this is because I've abandoned healthy eating altogether due to being utterly miserable with this huge baby refusing to enter the world!!!! But once this baby is out I will do the slimming world Breast feeding plan.

There was another preg woman in my class who was advised to join by her midwife. She has lost weight. The midwife was happy for her to lose weight provided it was slow and controlled. No more than 1/2lb a week I think. So it can be done, if you want to go down that route.

I'm happy I did, not necessarily for my weight but because it kid of kept me inline eating healthily for my baby.

Just wish I had an apetite for anything other than cake right now!!

Emilyjane11 Mon 03-Nov-14 07:35:03

Haha hopefully your little one will enter the world soon bellyrub im going to make sure im eating very healthily and see how i get on. I can always start slimming world im next few weeks as I am only 5+1 today thanks ladies xx

Sazhoopz Mon 03-Nov-14 09:00:46

My BMI was 37 at booking in, was referred to the consultant which has basically meant a couple more appointments but nothing major. I've had a GTT but part of that was due to a previous big baby.

Last week at my 38w appt I was discharged back to midwife lead care, despite this baby looking like it's going to be a whopper!

Try not to feel bad, keep up with the healthy eating, I also found walking helpful although not so much at the moment

RumAppleGinger Mon 03-Nov-14 09:22:58

Also BMI of 35 at booking and now at 37 weeks BMI of 37. Midwives have all been lovely and supportive.
Blood pressure and urine/blood tests have always been fine and have only had one extra appointment with a consultant at 34 weeks where I got an extra scan as midwife felt I was measuring small. I asked at that appointment if I would be allowed to go to the midwife led unit and they confirmed I could.

I think most midwives understand how many women struggle with their weight during pregnancy and most sympathise.

TinyMonkey Mon 03-Nov-14 11:04:46

I'm 4' 11" and when booked in at 13 weeks I had already put on half a stone (too tired to cycle and I was craving bad carbs), this had pushed my already high bmi up to 40. I was mortified as, despite being chunky, I was cycling 18 miles a day and swimming a few kms a week and eating mainly unprocessed food (just too much of it obviously). Never been great at shifting weight even pre-pregnancy.

Anyway, I was warned at booking it that I wouldn't be allowed to use the MLU, and would be referred to consultant led care due to my BMI and age (40). I was gutted, but I also had a lot of faith in my body - a BMI measurement can only tell them so much. This has mainly been borne out by an almost text book pregnancy, where I've only put on a further 10lbs since booking in. I've been careful with my diet and am all bump, but haven't expanded anywhere else. My bp, bloods and urine have been fine throughout and I've remained pretty active and energetic. I was discharged back to mw led care after the first appointment with the consultant, but at 28 weeks had a borderline GTT so am now back with consultant led care at 35 weeks and on course for a c-section due to a breech baby.

Basically, it's not all doom and gloom, yes it'd have been nice to have been a 'normal' bmi prior to getting pregnant, but life isn't that straightforward. I would say that a reasonable level of fitness/health is more important than a number on a chart, and larger people can actually be fit as well as big (yes, really!), as pregnancy is pretty demanding on your body. I've found that keeping as active as possible is the best way to manage it, although this is sometimes tough esp. when dealing with first trimester knackeredness.

Good luck.

Jersey37 Mon 03-Nov-14 13:17:27

At my booking apt they measured me BMI 37 - although without shoes and clothes I was actually 35... not to be picky! ;) I managed to lose about another 5 lbs by the end of week 18 - just by eating healthy and staying active. I didn't put any weight on until week 27. Now I've put about 12lbs on from my lowest (or 7lb from booking) - and I expect I will put another 4-5 on in last 2-6 weeks I have left. My goal was to not put any weight on... and I've not done too badly... considering that everyone else tends to be 2-3 stone on.

I too got all the doom and gloom materials. It really put me into a state of panic. I think got an apt at the BMI midwife clinic (by surprise - they just called it a consultant apt). They wanted to put me on a study - and put me on metformin pre-emptively. By this point, I was in floods of tears at all the scrutiny and negatively. It felt like they were saying it would be better if I had an abortion.

I went to my GP - who was very reassuring and advised me to say no to the study and to just enjoy my pregnancy and deal with problems as they arose. My glucose test at 28 weeks was normal and my BP is fine... although elevated when I see the consultants (white coat) - but still lower than my awful booking apt - where the trainee midwife botched taking my blood and it was about 35 degrees in the room (my blood work came back as being dehydrated... duh! - after 1.5 hours in there!). Never had any protein or glucose in urine. I do my own urine tests twice a week to keep me positive and also check my BP at home too. It helps me think that I'm not being reckless and endangering my baby.

So my advice to you is to be positive. Listen to all the advice from consultants, but DO NOT let them get you down and try to enjoy your pregnancy. These consultants and midwives are often obsessed by statistics... and probably think that by scaring patients they will cover their backside more. In my opinion, this just manifests into it actually happening when otherwise it might not have. Good luck and I'm sure you will be fine if you can find a 'happy' place to go to when you start feeling like this.

Pandapickle100 Mon 03-Nov-14 13:54:52

Hi, I agree with all of the above - my bmi was 39 at my booking in appointment and I have an under active thyroid (also no denying my love of cake!) so was worried like you.... I've had a very normal pregnancy with normal bloods, urine and BP and just got the OK with my glucose tests... 31 weeks now and even my back and hips are ok with no pains. Our bodies are pretty amazing so try not to worry and enjoy... In fact the only issue I've had is finding maternity trousers I like for work! Just focus on bub and eating as healthy as you can, loosing weight can happen after having the baby! Good luck x

PeppermintInfusion Mon 03-Nov-14 15:27:41

Remember BMI isn't the be-all and end-all, especially if you are taller than average.

I got myself in a bit of a state before my first appointments as my bmi is 33, and I convinced myself I was going to be berated and then given special care, etc etc. I'd put on a bit of weight in the run up to getting pg too (all inc holiday, a run of 30th bdays eating and drinking, etc).

In reality, all the mw/dr said was that my bmi was higher, so be careful not to put on too much and I'd need to get a gest diabetes test. They did say my build didn't look to be the weight on the scales so they weren't concerned and they'd be more worried if I had high BP, didn't exercise and so on.
I also haven't gained much- 24 wks and about 4lbs.

TheHermitCrab Tue 04-Nov-14 09:46:22

I spent hundreds of pounds (that I didn't have, on a credit card) on diet chef. I used to be a size 8, became a size 14, got down to a size 10, then as soon as I finished dieting I was pregnant (what a waste of money! lol). I'm now easily a size 16 in maternity clothing and I'm only 4ft11. Size 16 isn't a big deal but I'm a midget, I'm pretty huge looking and a high BMI.

Despite my high BMI, and me feeling like a waddling beached whale at 29 weeks (everything I do seems to be in slow motion!), all the midwifes I've seen (and I've seen a different one every time) weren't bothered at all by my BMI, all consider me low risk.

They gave me the usual "you're fat and pregnant" leaflets ;), and I had to go for the GTT test. But other than that, everything is always fine at appointments, bump a tiny bit on the big side when they measure but again, nothing they are ever bothered about.

We're all different, it's only a guideline :D

magneticfield55 Tue 04-Nov-14 12:09:07

Woah, so many shorties here smile

TheHermitCrab Tue 04-Nov-14 12:18:03

Haha! Maybe should start a thread on people who are smaller than their own bump!

Emilyjane11 Wed 05-Nov-14 18:44:22

Hahah thanks for all your replies ladies you have make me feel so much better smile

PeppermintInfusion Wed 05-Nov-14 18:59:55

Don't know if this would be useful, but found this online today

http://www.baby2see.com/pregnancy_weight_calculator.html

You put in your starting weight and height and it tells you what is a typical weight gain week by week based on your own figures.

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