I don't think I'm going to be ok

[advice451]

Basically my grandma who I loved to pieces passed away after a fall yesterday. She had been in hospital so we expected this as she had a sever brain haemorrhage
I loved her so much I was really struggling to see life without her
Today i got back from the funeral directors to find the police and the news that my mum has commited suicide
I can't even explain what I'm feeling
We were close, I was texting her this morning
She was so excited about this baby. Why didn't she speak to me about it ? How can I be there for my dad ? (It was my dads mother that passed away)
I'm 20 weeks pregnant and desperately worried about the effect this is going to have on the baby
I don't know the first thing about babies I need my mum :( how do people cope with this pain

[advice451]

I've name changed by the way

[Singsongmama]

You poor thing, I am so sorry for your losses.

Who do you have for support in RL?

[advice451]

I do have my amazing dad, partner, family and friends
But I'm trying so hard to stay strong for my dad
He's lost his mum and his wife in just over 24 hours of eachother
I've never lost anyone, never been to a funeral. And I'm at a lost end of what to feel
I basically can't imagine life without a mother :(
And equally worried about how grieving could effect the baby

[myusernameis]

I am so sorry this has happened.

Be there for your dad but make sure you take time for yourself too.

Make sure you allow yourself to grieve, it will hurt the baby, and you, more if you keep things bottled up.

Lean on your partner and anyone else who is there for you. It sounds like you have a big support network so don't be afraid to use it.

Take care op, things will get better

[ArcheryAnnie]

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Concentrate on looking after yourself and your family now, and don't worry about what all this will do to the baby. Plenty of women (including me) have had a very traumatic time during their pregnancies, for all kinds of reasons, and still manage to have happy, healthy babies that grow up to be happy, healthy children.

It's too soon for this to make any sense to you, if you've never been bereaved before, but this awful, awful grief will pass, in time.

[butterfliesinmytummy]

So so sorry and can't imagine what a loss you might be feeling. Take each minute as it comes, do what feels right or least painful, you will go through every emotion in the book. Your baby will be fine, at 20 weeks he/she is fairly strong, and a symbol of how you will get through these dark days.

Thinking of you

[Bumpforme2014]

So sorry for your loss, the pain that some people have to go through in life really shocks me sometimes. It doesn't feel like it now but your baby will probably give you the strength to get through, your going to be a mum yourself soon so focus on that. Suicide of a parent is very difficult and I would urge you to get some help from charities to make some sense of it all. None of us know anything about babies before we are mums and so don't worry about that. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself, none of this is your fault xxxx

[LucyB1]

I don't have any advise. All I can say us that I'm so so sorry for your loss. It's early days now. Take each minuet at a time. Time DOES heal xxxx hugs xxx

[seasavage]

Of course you're worried for your child, your protective instincts must be going into overdrive with so much pain you're going through.
Draw on all your support and although I'm sure your grief willnot affect your baby's development do discuss this with your mw for rreassurance and advice
You don't have to be strong for your dad. Being there will be enough x You need to be around people and so does your dad. Don't be alone xx

[MissMilbanke]

You poor thing. I can only say how sorry i am to hear this. Take care xxx

[Harrin]

I don't have any advice but thinking of you xx

[Chattycat78]

Hi advice,

I'm so so sorry to hear your news. First of all though, there is no way you can process it yet. It will take months, years. Don't even try. I speak from experience. My mum died when I was 30. My dad then also died within 2 years of this. Like you I thought I would never get through the day or get over it but you learn to live with it. Use All the people around you for support and don't be hard on yourself. Think bout the positives too like your baby and your other family. I would try to step back from other things for a while too to give yourself time to process this.don't try to be a hero.

Take care. Xxxx

[redexpat]

Oh golly condolences OP . I think it would be wise to be prepared and to find out what counselling services are available, and if you would be entitled to any extra help and support from HV or sure start. Id let your midwives know and ask if they think more monitoring throughout the rest of your pregnancy would be a good idea. I'm so sorry you're going through this. x

[haventgotaclue1]

I'm so sorry to read your post Advice. I really don't know what to say.

My Mum died a month before I found out I was pregnant and I was / am so disappointed that she won't be able to share this with us - she would have been so excited. Since then (January), I've also spent a lot of time focussing on my Dad and making sure he keeps his head above water. To be honest, I have found this exhausting and draining which sounds really harsh but it is true.

Like you, my brother, husband and friends have been fantastic and so supportive - I have learnt o lean on them and together we are all getting through this as I'm sure you will.

Am thinking of you.