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SPD with a toddler, how did you manage?(19 Posts)
Any advice gratefully received.
I have 2dcs from my first marriage, and dh and I have just had dd2 together. We would very much like to have another dc. We can afford it, we have the space, we have the car, practically it's all fine.
But physically I'm worried. I get terribly SPD, and end up practically housebound on crutches for months. My other 2dcs are older so I don't have to lift and carry them around, and they are a brilliant help. Dh is incredibly hands on but works full time (although he does have flexi time which is great), so I would be at home with a toddler whilst the other two are at school. Other people must have managed. But how?!
I don't want to not have another dc just because the pregnancy is hard (obviously that would be different if it was a severe health risk, but this is just a lot of physical pain).
Any tips on how to cope so we can make an informed decision?
On the plus side, you do have the older DCs to help!
I'm 32 weeks with DC4, my oldest is 7 years old, and I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. My SPD kicks in around 10-15 weeks, meaning I can't walk as far. By 20 weeks it's essential journeys only and by 25 weeks it's definitely crutches time and wheelchairs/mobility scooters for malls and then it's downhill from there.
When my older ones help, it is great. However as they're older I have to do the school run for them. I had hoped before I got pregnant that some of the other mothers in my road would offer to take the older two on occasion but it's been quite clear they won't (they stride past me cheerfully saying hello each morning - they know full well from many conversations how much pain I am in and so I'd figure they'd have offered if they were going to by now!) So for me the biggest issue is the school run and getting everyone ready in the morning.
In the house basically the living room has gates and is totally child-proofed, so most of the time I don't need to get up except for lunch/nappy changing. He's learned I don't pick him up any more, so he knows to go places I tell him like his changing mat etc. He climbs on me for cuddles just fine. I have remote controls for the TV to hand, he also enjoys playing on my iPad with me, and doing drawing at the table. The rest of the time he plays quite happily by himself (I know not all children will - DC2 preferred playmates) with his duplo, trains, soft toys etc.
I would find it very hard if said child was not yet mobile though - I think waiting until they are at least 18 months by the time the SPD kicks in so they can get themselves around without you needing to pick thems up is a good idea.
Of late DH will sometimes work from home (it's getting more frequent) especially on days when there are after school clubs and I'd have to make the journey three times. Today for instance there's an after school club then 45 minutes later, the school disco - FIVE journeys in a day. So DH is coming home early to work from home and do a few of those.
For the first time in our lives we've invested in a cleaner too. DH now does the picking up toys etc that I used to do, and the cleaners do the jobs he used to that don't involve personal knowledge of the house and where things go e.g. cleaning the kitchen, bathroom etc. I also got an extendable arm thing to pick up the odd thing off the floor, and regularly bribe the older ones to tidy up.
I won't lie - it is not easy, but it IS doable. It's "only" (feels like eternity, mind) for a few months and when you're living it, it is horrendous, but in the grand scheme of life it is worth it to have that new child.
Crispy that is exactly the kind of advice I need!
I can completely childproof the living room and then there would be minimal need to jump up during the day.
School runs are the most difficult, but dh will definitely be able to do the morning, and he may be able to work from home most afternoons (I hadn't thought of that).
That is such helpful, practical advice! And your ages aren't that different to mine. I'm BFing at the moment, so even if we did start trying it probably wouldn't happen for ages.
Thank you! I was beginning to think that by effectively disabling myself for 3/4 months I was being really selfish towards the other dcs. But with a bit of planning it should minimise the effect on them.
Stairgates everywhere, baby proofed areas, (I'm making notes!)
Oooh, I am envious of you having your DH to do at least one of the school runs! Working from home has saved my bacon a lot over the last month, especially with all the various appointments and scans and so on. He's never come to any of the appointments or scans but at least the children haven't either
It is only a short period of time, a few months of a bit too much screen time is not going to be the end of the world. And if you are somehow lucky enough to time it so the worst bits are over the winter (like I have, although after 14 months of trying, it wasn't deliberate!) then you'd most likely be stuck at home indoors in winter months anyway whether pregnant or not. So not much will change. Then when summer is here and SPD has cleared off you can make up for it!
The gift of another sibling more than makes up for it. Mine are so excited about the baby now!
Forgot to mention - when I am out with DS (he's 2.75) I have him with one of those Little Life rucksacks with handles so he's on a "lead" and have my crutch in the other hand. Seems to work reasonably well, although I do a LOT of shouting after my other two given there's no way I can catch them! Goodness know what some of the other parents on the school run think, but I notice they're not rushing out to stop my older ones running past them..!
I have one of those backpacks that I used when dd was little. That will be incredibly useful <adds it to the list>
I'll always remember one of my neighbours saying to me how sorry she felt for me when I was pregnant with DD, I crutches and struggling up the hill with the other 2. She never offered to help though!
I know i'm completely spoilt with dh being able to do the morning run. It's made such a difference.
As you say, it's such a short period of time. I'd hate to decide not to have another for 4 months of struggling.
Thanks for all the great advice. If you think of any other tips please send them my way
No real advice from me as it has just hit me at 28 weeks over the last 10 days. So now struggling massively with an 18 month old and being v immobile. Just aiming to get through each day at the moment.
McBaby, it's bloody hard, isn't it? I'm sorry you're going through it. Have you got anyone who can help?
I cannot recommend seeing a (reputable and recommended) chiropractor enough. It's worth a few visits after your baby is born to see if there's any non-alignment of the pelvis following pregnancy and then as soon as you start feeling pain in pregnancy. I would have been inawheelchair without one, I'm sure.
I have told
Mine how scared I am of another baby because of it and he reminds me I can get through it and he will help!
Thanks Shoe, that's a brilliant idea. I'll get hunting for one
I lost this thread but found it again
I have very little help my dad died last year and my mum lives 2.5 hours away an inlaws are in Tenerife. DP is gone at 5.30am and back at 6pm when he takes over.
I have found a physio who specialises in women's care and from talking to her she has had success with treating SPD so fingers crossed for Wednesday as each day it's getting progressively worse.
Good luck McBaby, I had a very lovely physio last time, but it seemed to be that the aim was for "things not to get any worse" rather than for them to be any better.
Which I suppose could be all they can ever offer. I don't know.
Zimum I was going to do a post with the exact same title! I had crazy SPD with my first from 18 weeks, immobile by the end and in absolute agony for five months solid.
I'm pregnant with my second and now it's started at 12 weeks. Just tonight my GP gave me codeine and I can't believe I didn't take it with my first. My DH doesn't drive so it's up to me to get my DD (21 months) to and from the childminder each day, and I have her on my own all day on Saturdays as my DH works Saturdays. I knew it would come again but had no idea it would come this early, and the only thing getting me through it is knowing that it went away quickly after birth. But that still leaves me knowing that I've got six more months of it and it's just going to get worse and worse and worse...
I found having osteopath appointments to be very helpful, but as you say just in making sure I stayed mobile as long as possible, not for anything to actually get better. Oh and I wore one of those support belts that go under and over the bump and I wore it 24/7, wouldn't have been without it (getting one next cheque for sure).
I will let you know what it's like having terrible SPD with a toddler so watch this space ;) We have no family around to help us and two neighbours who are lovely but have LOs of their own so don't want to monopolise their time!
Erika, 12 weeks! You poor thing! Oh yes, I have my extra sturdy support too. I wish I'd started wearing it earlier last time around. I could only wear it whilst standing, as it was very rigid, but made an amazing difference to how far I could walk.
I became really paranoid about visiting my osteo whilst pregnant. I was irrationally terrified of it being made worse. My dh went and discussed me and my symptoms during his appointment, and she said it sounded like a combination of SPD and sciatica. I will need to get over this fear I reckon.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Oh yes I have sciatica this time, too (only had it on and off last time but this time I have it for sure). We have just spent a fortune on getting a private Harmony blood test so in about two weeks when I'm wedged-up again I will be getting a new support and visiting the osteopath. I'm hoping between those two things, the exercises I remember from last time and the codeine I can stave off the walking stick for as long as possible ;)
Thankfully I get osteopath reimbursed at 75% with a £675 maximum so I should be able to go every two weeks. Last pregnancy it was like going to a spa, just loved having someone 'handle' me if that makes sense. I somehow thought they'd try cracking my spine etc but they were so gentle and it made a big difference.
That's great. I had the harmony test done too. It was so easy and reassuring. Brilliant test. Not cheap though. My MW was fascinated by it, I was her first patient to have had it done, and she kept getting asked about it but was not officially allowed to recommend. Unofficially she said any test with a yes or no answer and no risk associated is a brilliant test.
Not to go terribly off-topic, I get my Harmony results on Thursday. It's three hours on a train there and then four and a half hours on a bus followed by another half-hour on a train home so that codeine prescription could not have come at a better time!
I saw the osteopath yesterday and it feels much better than it did I am all taped up with that stuff footballers use to try and hold my bump in a slightly different position and it does feel more manageable.
I have very unstable si joint on one side at the back which is what is causing all my problems so she worked on that to. My insurance have approved 10 treatments and I have 12 weeks to go hoping it will get me through.
That's good to hear. My physio was reluctant to tape me up.
I might visit an osteo and see what they can do. I'm very flexible so joints all click in and out at will.
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