Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

Posting in wrong forums. Am i being insensitive?

(63 Posts)
NoVictim1 Fri 25-Jan-13 23:54:49

Im pregnant and I come in here to share stories with other pregnant women. However, i find alot of the posts are about miscarriages or babies dying. There are correct areas such as the miscarriage forum where i expect you would get the best support.
I have found it hard coming in here without the fear of god being put into me and making me more paranoid than I need to be.
Im very sorry for anyone who has lost a baby. I myself have lost two so i know how it feels. I just wish people would put things in the appropriate place

Sorry if i have offended anyone but im sure im not alone.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Fri 25-Jan-13 23:55:47

Didn't you post this before?

Moominsarescary Fri 25-Jan-13 23:56:59

Maybe in their distraught state they are not thinking clearly. You don't have to read them

NoVictim1 Sat 26-Jan-13 00:02:45

No ive never posted it before.

Kilkers Sat 26-Jan-13 00:11:34

I think most of these posts start with someone asking a question as they have a concern about their pregnancy so this forum is the appropriate place. It's then extremely sad and unfortunate that things sometimes then develop into a MC from there. Like the other poster said, you don't have to read them if it makes you uncomfortable.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 26-Jan-13 00:20:34

I have never really understood why people think that a pregnancy forum is an inappropriate place for people to post about loss.

You don't have to read them.

emblosion Sat 26-Jan-13 00:22:01

OP you can choose which topics to read & just avoid those you think you might find upsetting.

People come here for support & advice and sometimes initially post in areas with higher traffic, or that they are familiar with, before gravitating to 'specialist' topics. Sometimes posts get moved, sometimes not. I Finr see a problem <shrug>

emblosion Sat 26-Jan-13 00:23:04

fgs, that should read "I don't see a problem"

Zookiemay Sat 26-Jan-13 00:25:14

If it's about pregnancy then how can it be in the wrong forum? confused

usualsuspect Sat 26-Jan-13 00:25:46

Do you mean topics?

phoenixrose314 Sat 26-Jan-13 05:33:54

Unfortunately all miscarriages and stillbirths start with a pregnancy - chances are up until that point, they'd been posting on here and getting to know a few familiar names... Why shouldn't they come to the same place for support? Esp as this forum is primarily used for and by those seeking advice and support?

I understand how terrifying it can be to see those kinds of threads on here, I've had 3 mcs myself so am more prone to worry than most - but, as someone else says, only you can choose what threads you read. And no two pregnancies are ever the same.

Most importantly, it is never up to somebody else to tell a person how/ when/where they can grieve.

phoenixrose314 Sat 26-Jan-13 05:37:26

PS, I hope you don't think I am being overly harsh. It's just that, if at 33 weeks, I miscarried now, I'd want to come here, somewhere familiar, not go to a board that will only make it more real. I just think you're not seeing this from the other point of view. I wish you all the best in your pregnancy.

Pontouf Sat 26-Jan-13 07:23:27

I think you're being a little insensitive to be honest. Sorry. One of the other reasons people post about miscarriage in this topic is that there is a lot more traffic. Believe me, as someone who has miscarried twice, posting a message pouring your heart out and going into detail about your experience and your horrendous grinding heartache, only to find that two days later it has been ignored does not provide much in the way of support. If you don't want to read, don't read. Miscarriage is a part of one in four/five pregnancies and to tell someone who has lost a baby that they should only grieve in a certain way in case it upsets you, with your healthy pregnancy is a bit mean to say the least.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sat 26-Jan-13 07:30:57

TBH I wouldn't want to post in the pregnancy section, for fear of coming across women like you.
You are being grossly insensitive, the other posters have been very polite in their response to you.
How does it feel to put women off posting in this section because of your posts?

Ellypoo Sat 26-Jan-13 08:30:55

Also, sadly not all pregnancies have a happy outcome and I don't think it's unfair for women to be aware of the risks - for example promoting the count the kicks campaign to ensure women monitor movements.
It is important that women are aware of the risks in pg at all stages - it is not necessarily 'safe' once you get past 12 weeks.
I'm not saying that pg should be terrified the whole way through, but you need to know what the risks are and so what you need to look out for.

Bunnychan Sat 26-Jan-13 11:21:34

I can understand why it terrifies you but I have to be honest, you are going to have to get used to it. I'm only 23 weeks and during my pregnancy I have heard horror stories from people around me in real life too. I think pregnancy will always be a worrying time x

CountryCupcakes Sat 26-Jan-13 11:43:40

OMG i think you are being very insensitive. As others have said it's up yo you what you read.

In the nicest possible way - get a grip and concern yourself with something worthwhile.

Jollyb Sat 26-Jan-13 11:48:28

Yes you are being insensitive. This type of thread is usually started when the woman is pregnant ie 'I'm 8 weeks and bleeding what should I do?'. Is she meant to assume the worst and post in the MC section? As others have said you don't have to read the threads and can concentrate on the happy pregnant threads by happy pregnant women.

Jollyb Sat 26-Jan-13 11:50:37

Ps I suggest you don't go into the antenatal choices, childbirth or postnatal depression sections.

backwardpossom Sat 26-Jan-13 13:14:50


whiterose2011 Sat 26-Jan-13 14:41:35

In a word, yes. I've had a huge amount of support from this forum since my mc. I think you should focus on the fact that you have a lovely baby growing inside you and show a bit more empathy for those of us who have lost babies, in some cases, more than one. If everyone on this forum has the same attitude as you, I would have found the struggle through the lowest points a hundred times worse. I wish you well in your pregnancy but hope that you have a better sense of how hard a mc/difficulties ttc can hit someone. If you don't feel able to give support, please just move onto the next thread.

Moominsarescary Sat 26-Jan-13 17:15:56

I think it's odd that you have posted this in pregnancy. Surely it's the wrong place for it. ( bit hypocritical maybe)

Thinking about it I feel you should ask for the thread to be moved or deleted. I would think it would be upsetting for those people who have had mc/later losses and who posted in this topic to read this thread.

I know personally when I lost a little boy at 20 weeks if I'd read this I'd be upset that someone could have so little empathy and also upset to think my thread might be upsetting pg women.

nearlyreadytopop Sat 26-Jan-13 17:41:33

Op if u were even slightly worried about offending anyone you would not have posted such selfish rubbish in the first place.
Pregnancy is amazing and wonderful but its also terrifying and for some full of grief. Welcome to the real world.
And finally, in most cases the title says it all. As as already been pointed out you don't have to read them.

JustAHolyFool Sat 26-Jan-13 17:47:35

Yeah those bloody women with their miscarriages, how dare they post in the wrong forum.

Get a grip.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 26-Jan-13 18:31:15

I'm so pleased to see the responses on this thread.

When I was pregnant with DS1, I was on a different forum that had a baby section.
When people posted about miscarriage or stillbirth, they would initially get sympathy, but then if they continued to want to talk about it people (mostly first-time mothers) seemed to feel it was appropriate to basically tell them to bugger off because they were spoiling their pregnancy experience with their grief.

I was totally horrified, and stopped posting - and found Mumsnet, thank God.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: