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Pregnant for the third time this year and terrified

(7 Posts)
RalphGnu Thu 01-Nov-12 10:13:29

I got a very unexpected bfp yesterday and am so frightened. We lost our tiny son earlier this year after he died in the womb at 17 weeks. I gave birth to him, and we had a funeral service for him. We called him James.

Second pregnancy also ended in heartbreak three months ago at the 12 week scan.

We planned to try again next year, giving us time to heal but somehow I am pregnant again...about 4 weeks along bearing in mind the last time we had sex. I'm on the pill and have been very careful, but I guess I'm one of the 2%..

I can't even bring myself to be excited this time, I just feel dread because I am sure that this pregnancy is going to end the same way. We already have a 3 year old DS and it's been so hard keeping ourselves cheerful and positive for his sake this year, I don't think I have the strength to do it any more.

If any of you have been through similar experiences could you please tell me what to expect? Will I be able to have more scans? I won't be able to relax at all through this pregnancy. I feel no optimism. I can't share this with any of my friends or family because it's just too early and not fair to involve them again so soon; they felt our losses very deeply too.

I'm a mess! And DS is full of cold, I feel sick, DP is working 12 hours overtime and I know he's gutted about this pregnancy. This baby is so wanted. Please help me calm down.

Discolite Thu 01-Nov-12 11:23:03

Hi RalphGnu,

I'm not surprised you can't get excited, you've been hurt too much this year. Hopefully as time passes and things go right with the pregnancy you'll be able to relax a bit. You are probably still grieving for the babies you've lost which doesn't help either. I'm 21 weeks now but had a mmc at 10 weeks earlier this year. That experience knocked me for six so having to go through it twice - well, I can only imagine how awful it was for you.

With this second pregnancy I just took each day as it came, tried not to look too far into the future and actually, things have been easier since the EDD of baby 1 has been and gone. If you still find you are struggling with negative thoughts after say, the 20 week scan I'd seek professional help so you can get your feelings sorted out before your baby arrives.

Your 'mistake' may turn out to be a real blessing, and I really hope it does for you.

itsaruddygame Thu 01-Nov-12 12:15:51

I havent been through anything like you but struggle not to be neurotic anyway (have had some bleeding). I cant give you any advice but would like to wish you luck and send a hug your way. I will keep everything crossed that all is well this time around.

Really sorry to hear about your m/c's Ralph :-(.

I lost my little boy on 6th April at 23 weeks we called him Riley, I found out I was pregnant in june I honestly was dreading it I miscarried august 16th at 8 weeks... not trying again for a while!

Your mind won't be put at rest until past 17 weeks that's horrid, have they offered you extra scans? Or extra appointments?

sleepyhead1234 Thu 01-Nov-12 22:36:20

Really sorry for your loss. I have lost two babies in the past year and am now 32 weeks pg. I remember finding out this time and feeling so petrified was happy too bit think fear out weighed it.

Just be really kind to yourselves if you don't want to tell anyone then don't. we only told our parents till i was 17 weeks and was getting a bump I felt better about not telling we waited to tell DD too (4).

I got two extra scans one at 5 weeks as tbh i did get hysterical and convinced myself i'd m/c again and a dr took pity and shared his story about his wife who lost twice and continued to have 3 successful pregnancies after.
I then paid for a private one at 9 weeks as i had to find out i was further along than when i lost previously.

Take each day as it comes, try and be optimistic (although i do know how hard it is). There can be light at the end of the tunnel i'm just starting to relax in this pg but even now i have panics and think it's all over and can't picture taking a baby home as we've had so much heartache.

Good luck and try and think maybe it was meant to be if you were on the pill and fell pregnant this time things will be fine. Like others have said once you get passed where you lost before it does get a little easier.

Secondsop Fri 02-Nov-12 10:07:55

Oh poor you - what a dreadful year. I had a miscarriage last year before this pregnancy and I just wanted to say that the feelings you describe really struck a chord with me and are entirely normal. I still don't believe this baby will be ok (am 34 weeks). I still don't feel 100% comfortable with other people going on about how excited I surely must be feeling. And ive realised i'm still in some kind of denial as i'm engaging in all sorts of distraction activities (eg i ordered our christmas tree yesterday although the baby is due well bedore christmas) instead of packing my hospital bag and facing up to the possibilty of birth. So I guess what I'm trying to say is: don't worry about feeling the way you're feeling; there's no right or wrong way to feel about these things, and as the previous poster says, take each day as it comes.

Really, really hope all goes well: there are quite a few ladies here that will recognise your feelings and I for one found it very helpful to read posts on here and to share with others

CountryKitty Fri 02-Nov-12 16:05:18

Hi I'm so sorry for your losses, you've had a truely terrible time of it. I'm 28 weeks pg after 2 mc's this year and have just taken it one day at a time. As said above, I too felt better once my EDD's had passed, although still very cautious.

I conceived my 1st DD while on the pill and truely believe that some of the best things in life just can't be planned! Where I am the NHS won't offer you extra scans until 3mc so we paid for a private one at 8.5 weeks. The relief I felt seeing the heartbeat was worth the £100 and more - maybe worth considering if NHS won't play ball. I wish you the very best of luck in your pg.

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