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Strange reaction to being pregnant

(19 Posts)
PugOwner Sun 21-Oct-12 07:17:36

I wonder if anyone can help. I've just discovered I'm pregnant (only 4 weeks) and I'm not having the reaction to it I thought I would. I only got married in the summer and didn't expect it to happen quickly because I'm pretty old (38) and everyone told me I would have trouble TTC. 

But what do you know: it happened in the second month of trying and while I know I should be enormously grateful (and I am), I'm also having a really weird emotional reaction to the news (only found out three days ago). I feel really overwhelmed by it, terrified about the medical stuff, gutted about my life changing (I love my job and travelling). I just feel like maybe I have made a mistake even though I really really wanted to do this. But I'm also utterly terrified of something going wrong with the pregnancy. It doesn't really make any sense.

Added to this is feeling sick and all over the place emotionally - I nearly burst into tears in a restaurant last night when they told me that I couldn't have chips! Psycho.

I have only told a couple of friends but somehow their excitement for me made it even worse, and I can't tell my husband because he is pretty much whooping with joy 24/7. The one person I would have talked to was my mum but she died a few years ago. I feel really alone. Did anyone else feel like this?

lilbitneurotic Sun 21-Oct-12 07:32:27

I tried to conceive for 4 years, had Ivf and was overjoyed to finally be pregnant. That doesn't mean that I didn't have a wobble about all the things you've mentioned. I think most people have a panic of varying degrees when the 2 line appear and it has probably been exacerbated for you by it happening so fast.

Give yourself some time to get your head around it.

cupcake78 Sun 21-Oct-12 07:34:10

This all sounds extremely normal! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I am also 4wks, just found out. A very planned pregnancy and I already have one dc!

I'm in shock, scared etc. Spend the first 24hrs being happy mixed with oh crap weve done it now. It's a very natural normal reaction!

My friend found out at 6wks she was expecting no 2 after 6mths of trying and it took her till the 12wk scan to believe it.

Sickness and feeling rubbish doesn't help but once you get your head round it and this can take some time it will become exciting. Have you got any good friends who have been through this you can talk about with it. I think you'll find they completely get itwink.

Oh and hormones can cause massive emotional surges which make you feel things more intensely. The joy of being pregnantgrin

TalesFromTheCryptoFascist Sun 21-Oct-12 07:34:13

Oh god, yes! It's totally normal! You're going through so many changes emotionally, and there are huge invisible things happening to your body and brain right now (say hello to your new best friends and constant companions, the pregnancy hormones)!

Have a look around the pregnancy boards, you'll find that you're far from alone!

RuByMaMa Sun 21-Oct-12 07:35:25

I so understand where you are coming from. I absolutely felt like this when I got pregnant with my DD (add to the equation that I was 26 and I'd never thought I would start a family until I was at least 30, because, you know, that was not part of my 'plan'). I think it's pretty normal because it is a big deal. Your life is going to change massively and it can be pretty overwhelming. But you know what, since having my daughter I have not regretted one minute and it was absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think it can be hard to comprehend when it's your first because you have never experienced love like it, but honestly, she's almost 3 now and I have this amazing, inspiring, funny, lovely little person in my life who I can't imagine life without.

My advice would be to take stock of what you're feeling and don't feel guilty about it, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

I also did pregnancy yoga after the first trimester, and I found that helped me feel really grounded and centered and probably helped me bond a little bit before I had her.

Good luck! x

cupcake78 Sun 21-Oct-12 07:37:46

And men generally don't get it. If your dh is anything like mine he feels like superman because his sperm works so wellhmm. It hits them later when they begin to see baby growing and moving. His time will come wink

RuByMaMa Sun 21-Oct-12 07:38:57

Ha ha ha! Definitely agree with you there cupcake !

CailinDana Sun 21-Oct-12 07:39:46

Completely normal. I think just about everyone feels this way at some point. When you're TTC the focus is all on will it/won't it happen, and then when it suddenly does happen it's a huge shock! For me it was a lack of a sense of control that got to me - I couldn't just say "I want to be pregnant in January" and make it happen, the way I could do with a lot of other things in life. It was more a case of fingers crossed and wait for it to be sprung upon you whenever, which doesn't suit my way of thinking at all! So all of a sudden you go from the tense anticipation to "oh it's actually happening" and it's only then I think that the actual reality of having a baby really hits you, up until then it's all just pie in the sky.

9 months is a long time. You'll get your head around it, don't worry. It is a lot to get used to but it is great too. Here's hoping you have a great pregnancy smile

MikeLitorisBites Sun 21-Oct-12 07:42:56

I had 4 MC in a row before having dd. When I got pg with her I still had moments of sheer panic over whether I was doing the right thing having a baby.

Completely normal imho. Your going through some massive changes both physically and mentally.

PugOwner Sun 21-Oct-12 07:47:00

Thank you all very much, that has really helped me feel better. And Cupcake your comment really made me laugh.... You are spot on. He's currently going around calling himself 'One Shot'... Men!!

cupcake78 Sun 21-Oct-12 07:53:51

If you need to knock him down a bit simply because its annoying just tell him 'yet everyone else was thinking your a Jaffa' ( ie seedless). Also play on it while you can, get him to do more, carry everything, go shopping etc once you've worn him out abit he'll calm down.

Men can be such basic creatures grin

changeforthebetter Sun 21-Oct-12 08:03:25

Pg after 2 rounds ivf and a MC. I stir felt panicked when dd was conceived. Utterly normal. Having a child IS a massive deal whatever the history. Good luck with your pg <smile>

SarryB Sun 21-Oct-12 08:53:05

Sounds perfectly normal to me! When I was about 6 months pregnant, I suddenly had thoughts about giving the baby up for adoption/what had I done/we haven't been together that long/what if he hates the baby/what if we're crap parents/etc!

Every negative thought possible went through my head, I think it is just reality hitting sometimes!

DoodleAlley Sun 21-Oct-12 09:09:05

Oh this sounds so normal it's a process of change and really not helped by all the hormones your body is currently being flooded with.

I like to think that it's your body's way of making the rest of pregnancy seem fine once things get on a more even keel after the hormones start to settle a little.

Saying that, I'm 15 weeks and still hormonal and massively over emotional, even though this is my second. I worry about spoiling the wonderful relationship I have with DS (esp as he is a little older than normal).

I find it really helps when I meet fiends with babies, reminds me they are cute and fun (once they can start to do a bit more) and that DS will love being a big brother. Could you do something similar?

Or take a friend and treat yourself to a pampering and little bit of baby shopping sometime.

Just noticed you're fairly early on. You mind find things a bit easier when you've seen them on that ultrasound screen. There's something amazing about seeing this perfect little human wiggling around on there. Changes your world, for the stickier, less predictable, more giggly, more huggy and more wonderful.

Hope things improve for you but until then just blame it on the hormones when you next cry over random stuff and remember that the odds are there is another pregnant woman somewhere in the world doing exactly the same thing too at the same time as you!

Lane81 Sun 21-Oct-12 09:39:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplecatti Sun 21-Oct-12 17:02:53

Totally normal. I felt an overwhelming 'oh f*ck what have I done' for weeks. No more boozy ad hoc evenings, goodbye Glastonbury, I'll never get a job I love now, I'll lose all my friends, holidays will be spent surrounded by screaming kids in some dingy resort, home will be festooned in garish plastic crap that makes irritating noises when you boot it out the way, baby spew on designer handbag etc.
And I couldn't confide in husband as he was strutting about with a massive 'yaaaay, my bits work' grin on his face and introducing me as his pregnant wife long before a bump appeared.

It does pass though I promise. You will feel better soon. It's a combination of shock and hormones.
Planning and dreaming about a baby is massively different from the reality of actually expecting one.

scruffylady Sun 21-Oct-12 19:27:38

I totally know what you mean Pugowner!! I expected to feel excited but it hasnt kicked in at all. Other people are delighted but I cant feel it yet. Am also an oldie at 39 and worried generally and worried about my animals and how I will look after them. I think the excitement WILL kick in soon smile lets hope so eh!!
Having said all that I am ridiculously worried about MC too... My OH is just drifting about all happy... grrr

emeraldgirl1 Mon 22-Oct-12 09:54:52

Totally normal, I too conceived much quicker than expected and though the baby was (and is!) planned and wanted, I had so many wobbles earlier on (am now 19w). Went about in a happy daze the day I found out, and then promptly had a total meltdown the next day worrying about money, lifestyle change, body, birth etc... I like you felt dreadful physically for first trimester OP and I think in hindsight that had a HUGE effect on my mental state. Never felt so unlike myself before and I think 80% of that was down to the nausea and exhaustion.

Not a strange reaction at all, but a very normal one if you ask me! You'd be crazy if you WEREN'T a bit thrown by such momentous news tbh. And congrats xx

Longtalljosie Mon 22-Oct-12 10:00:08

Yep, me too. I was desperate to have a baby, very upset when it didn't happen straight away - and yet the day I got my BFP I went into Borders to get a pregnancy book and had a huge what-have-I-done wobble. DH was like this hmm. I got over it pretty quickly...

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