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So for those of you who have done it all before...tell me about the DP's/DH's and labour!(30 Posts)
My DP is briliant in pretty much every way however he himself is a bit concerned about the actual birth, he is a squemish type and anything blood/needle related is difficult for him to say the least! (I am much less squemish!- luckily)
What are people's experiences of your other halfs during labour? Any fainters? It get too much for any of them? And anyone have a really fantastic supportive partner during birth?
Just interested really!
My DH was brilliant when I have birth, held my hand, remembered me to breathe etc. he didn't cut the cord because he is squeamish that way but my mum was on hand to help with that. No fainting or anything though.
During labour though (4 hours in the house) he was useless, stayed in the bedroom while I was in the bathroom. Didn't time my contractions for me or think to phone the midwife when they got really bad. He just didn't realise this was something he could do and left me to get on with it. I never asked him to cos I couldn't, contractions where really bad from the off and I could barely deal with them never mind time them.
Mine was fine, but then he's a surgeon so I'd be pretty surprised if he got squeamish! I used to work in obstetrics though, and in reality most dads-to-be are much better in the actual labour than they think they are going to be. They have the adrenaline of what is happening and the fact that they are going to meet ds / dd for the first time pumping round their body, and that has the physiological benefit of reducing the likelihood of fainting. So I wouldn't worry too much, have him at the head end and he doesn't have to look down there if he doesn't want to! He won't miss out by not doing so. My hubby didn't try to tell me to push or anything, thank goodness, or I might have hit him! Some hand-holding and murmured "you're doing great, love" were all I wanted, and all dp's / dh's should be abe to manage that! x
He'll be fine if he stays at the head end
I had a difficult first hospital labour, DH found it scary and I know he felt a bit useless. He wasn't, but a lot was out of his hands. He did fall asleep on the floor and had to be woken up for the delivery though (we'd been up for 3 nights so I'll let him off).
DC2 was a homebirth. He made a lot of tea! He was brilliant, it was very relaxed and we had both read Juju Sundin first so he was able to help with loads of active birth techniques which I didn't know about first time. He was relieved that he didn't have to hold the torch for the stitches though, as we had a student midwife there as well who stepped in
I kept DH up at the head end and it was great just having his hand to hold (fingers, in truth, as otherwise you can break it).
My hubby is really squimish too and will faint at the mear sight of a needle. He stayed at the head end and left the room when I had a drip put in. He was great during all my labours (4). I didn't want him to do anything, just be there really. Tell the midwife when you first go into hospital, then if he isn't quick enough, she may remember to tell him to look away or leave the room if you need a drip or anything. The midwife doesn't want him to faint either. My husband didn't know if he would cope, the first time round, so I just told him to go if it got too much for him. He stayed throughout the whole thing, even cut the cord.
I kicked my husband out of the delivery room because he was looking decidedly green, and trying to talk to him was stressing me out. He is a wonderful man in almost every way, but not at his best during childbirth.
This time, I am planning a home birth, and DH's job will be to look after DS1 while the midwife looks after me.
It was nice to have dh there afterwards, but during it I was in such pain I honestly wouldn't have noticed or cared if he was there or not. There was nothing he could do (did have short it intense labours though). The mws were fab though.
My dh went a funny colour and almost threw up at an early anti d injection, at the birth he held me legs up, saw everything and cut the cord!! He said he's not so nervous this time round
I seem to remember DH playing angry birds for alot of my labour. He had to keep 'illegally' plugging his charger in as midwife told him it wasn't allowed. he didnt do much but i wouldn't have had it any other way. dd was delivered by forceps in theatre & when they took her into the other room to weigh and dress her he says he had the most overwhelming feeling that he had to go with her to look after her. so sweet x
DH was the calm in control one and he took charge with the midwives and made the decision to go in when I was more than ready. He stayed at the head end and took control of giving me water in between contractions, I told him to look when DS was crowning which he did but otherwise didn't get involved down there. Even though I was bleeding throughout labour it wasn't particularly gory or disgusting at all.
Homebirth here... One mw as second didn't get there in time. DH got to "do" lots and mw was brilliant at explaining to us what was happening... He considered himself an expert afterwards!!
He got to bring things, open packets... As well as make tea and bring biscuits.
Am now overdue with dc2 and have been advised labour will probably be quick- DH can't wait! He hopes its one mw again and he definitely wants to be at the business end!!
I did bite his finger during labour though. He apparently told the mw it really hurt...
I think it helps to get them involve in your birth plan... I know you can't really plan but I found it helped DH understand what would happen, options and hammer home that he may have to speak on my behalf (I'm usually a bit of a control freak)
DH was brilliant, held my hand, supported me as I walked about, stayed awake all night and was not sqeamish at all (although if he had been he could have stayed away from the business end).
But afterwards he said he felt a bit useless, because the one thing he couldn't do was take away the pain, and he found that quite upsetting. I assured him I didn't take it personally!!
My DH did exactly what I asked of him. Don't touch me, don't tell me I'm doing really well/ encourage me. Just sit and be there. I think the midwife thought he was useless because a couple of times she had said "do you want to come a bit closer?" to him! But to me he was perfect. The midwife touched my back at one point and he winced thinking I was going to throw her off me, he said this to me later but I can't remember it happening! I think the worst thing for DP/DH is watching someone they love in an enormous amount of pain, which is really horrible - albeit they aren't the ones in pain but it's still pretty tense and upsetting to watch.
DH is pretty squeamish about blood and was really worried he would faint, but when it came to it he was fine. He watched DS crowning and being born and even cut the cord without going green. In fact I think I was more squeamish as I had to decline the MW's suggestion to reach down and touch DS's head when it came out <shivers at thought>
DH was told on 3 separate occasions he could have a new career as a midwife/doula! <preens> <nothing stealthy about that boast>
He was great, but he was up the head end pretty much the whole time encouraging me, helping me breathe properly and feeding me gas and air.
There's no way of knowing how people will react in such adrenaline-filled circumstances, but it does help to talk it through beforehand, so he knows what will help, what he can expect to happen and what you expect from him. He may even surprise you!
Best of luck with everything, OP. Labour is bizarre and, I won't lie, it can smart a bit, but it's also a truly incredible thing. And the best bit is, you get a baby at the end of it!
Poor DH was scared stiff ! He did well though , lots of support.
Cried both times when baby was out ( relief as well as happiness )
First time though , he was shocked . I mean really shocked He hadn't realised quite how brutal it all was .
I had a forceps delivery ( don't know if they are used any more , DS is 17 )
Mr Pear was wonderful in my eyes. He didn't irratate or annoy me in any way and just supported me. In fact it made me realise that i married the right person - ds was 10 weeks early so it was all a bit of a drama. He went outside for any internal examinations which i was more than happy about, according to the doctor he was like a jack in a box (he was behind my head) during actual labour. Two things got him animated the first when the cord dropped out first (he shouted at the doctor and she reassured him it was in hand) and the other was the placenta (it got a little stuck and he wanted to make sure it was all out) - both these of things comes from the fact he has delivered animals so understands dangers. He admitted the next day that he was proud of me and it was wonderful seeing his son being born but to see me in such pain was very hard. Currently pregnant with ds 2 and i am not sure if he is going to be there again.
DH hadn't gone to any classes beforehand, nor had he done any reading (I'd even bought a book from a male perspective, but that was also ignored). He just didn't see the need.
He was very quiet in the hospital. He was very "present", but a bit lost as to what to do or how to help. I ended up being sick a couple of times, and he grabbed bowls, got a damp cloth for my brow, ...
Then I ended up having a shower for about 2 hours (one long one, back onto ward, but then retreating into shower again). I just sorta spaced out and wanted to concentrate on being quiet and letting it happen, in quite dim lights. DH seemed to understand that without needing explanations, so he sat on the hard chair in the bathroom, minding my towel and prepared to pass things if needed. But mostly sitting there and letting me get on with it (and he had nothing to read or do). We occasionally had a little chat.
When it came to pushing etc, he didn't know what to do to help. And I couldn't explain at that stage. So he couldn't hold up my leg that the MW wanted up in between contractions and as I couldn't keep it up anymore myself on my side, MW made me go onto my back lying down (last place I had wanted to be). He just wasn't able to be my advocate. But he did get so excited when he found a facecloth in the bag and wetted it to mop my head (he thought I had it for later washing - didn't realise that was the original intention when I packed). And he was very encouraging talking to me when we were talking and during pushing (and he DID realise to shut up a lot). And he DIDN'T tell me that there were loads of concerned faces about the room (DD was getting into distress and not coming out - but she came out under her and my own steam just before the main posse arrived in), just kept up the positive encouragement.
And he was so proud of me afterwards!! That was great. I think he'd thought it would be "just like the movies", and not that painful.
We've pretty much decided to stick with 1, but if there was another, I think he'd be a much better advocate next time. But even just as a quiet supportive presence he was great for me, and he kept it all positive rather than bringing any negatives or fear into it.
Thanks for your replies, I am reassured to hear that many men make it through alive!
He will be fine i'm sure as long as he stays up the head end and no one tries to get him to cut the cord........
I was very worried as DH almost fainted
and had the student midwives running round after him at an antenatel appointment where they....shock horror....took my blood pressure!
Anyway i was concerned that he would be a fainting nelly during my labour so got a second birth partner with a strong stomach.
As it turned out he was fab! I was induced so lots of needles, monitoring, internals, etc and ended up in an emcs. He was so good through it all
Will definitely have 2 birth partners next time though anyway...was v helpful!
Haha my DH is soooooo squeamish and hates the site of blood I was so worried about how he would be during my delivery!
Actually he was amazing, we had a rule that he would not go down the goal end!
Our MW was great she gave him the job of making sure I had a drink and helping to keep me calm by just talking to me,
I really think this helped him, I think the worst part for him was seeing me in pain and not being able to make me feel better,
I remember he left the room on 2 occasions only for a minute or 2 , I never questioned why at the time, but he told me afterwards he needed take a moment to catch his breath as he felt sick,
As soon as he returned though he was great.
I remember being so proud of him! (sounds stupid I know, but it was such a fear for him that he'd be useless during the labour)
My biggest shock was when the MW asked him if he wanted to cut the cord......... And he did!!!!
Dh was amazing, he fanned and gave me water, was completely in charge of breathing/contractions. Didn't gag when I pooped (tmi sorry) & didn't faint at the blood, which was a concern.
He was my rock & I couldn't have got through it without him.
This time he is in charge again but with strict instructions not to let anyone near me with a scalpel - no episiotomy unless it's completely essential thank you.
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