Unexpected pregnancy

[daerwen]

Im 21 yo and just finished college. i have a decent job, and my partner will soon have. i am so terrified to tell my parents about it. im already 13 weeks now, been 3 weeks since we found out. i am happy with my pregnancy but im afraid with my pparents because i just finished college and they will be disappointed. any advise that will encourage me? i don't want the "problem" to affect my baby :( thanks a lot!

[plonko]

Firstly, congratulations!

Obviously an unexpected pregnancy is going to be a bit of a shock, but you haven't done anything wrong so don't let people make you feel like you have. You've got a job and finished college, you're in a far better position than lord of first time mums.

Are you expecting your family to be less than supportive? It might be hard telling them but you've got to do it sometime. IME pretty much everyone is happy to help when you tell them you're expecting, even if their initial reaction is less than positive. Don't take anybody's first reaction to heart, some people will need time to get used to it. The most important thing is that you're happy and taking care of yourself.

[plonko]

Excuse spelling! Stupid phone

[mrsdaisaku]

Congratulations! My situation, I was working, on my own and 19. I had just moved back to my folks to get my life back on track, go back to college etc when I found out.

When I found out I told my Mum first and she just got up and hugged me, didn't say a word. She obviously would have preferred me to not have been pregnant, but she accepted my decision and supported me the whole way. I left her to tell my Dad, who was VERY quiet with me for sometime afterwards. But they were both in the end very supportive and were happy once they held their granddaughter. Give your folks the benefit of the doubt, they could surprise you, mine did :)

[SoHHKB]

FWIW, at 32 I felt like an 'irresponsible teenager' when I fell pregnant unexpectedly with a very new partner. As plonko suggests, try not to take anyone's first reaction too seriously my mother wasn't the only one who asked who the father was and remember that as long as you are pleased, everyone who loves you will want to support you once they get used to the idea.
Good luck

[daerwen]

Thank you so much everyone :) planning to tell it tomorrow and im sooooo nervous. honestly, we wanted to abort it the first time. but later on, after talking to my friends we decided to keep it. my bf and i are so happy right now and we plan to marry hopefully before the baby comes out and before my belly gets bigger. wish us luck tomorrow and hope for my mothers acceptance.

[daerwen]

thanks! im really finding it hard to hide it and face this alone. im just gaining enough confidence to tell it to them. having someone tell me that everythings gonna be alright gives me strength! so thanks :)

[plonko]

When I told my dad his first reaction was that he'd have to cancel his plans to go travelling as I'm due when they planned to be away. when I told him I was engaged his only response was that he was hoping I was going to announce a pregnancy.

he was, however, the first person to buy a present for my baby. It's his way of showing support!

[lauraellajane]

Good luck with it :) Take your partner with you for moral support if you can!

[Gingerpanther27]

Congrats :) I have just started my second year in college and am currently sitting at 10/13 weeks and split from partner at time so umm yeah very unexpected didn't click on until I was projectiling for nearly a month and one of my friends kept pestering me to a test it hadn't crossed my mind because I was still getting AF never expected it to be positive he's now been very supportive

[daerwen]

we just told my parents about it. mum first. my bf and i went home after lunch. i didn't know how to say it so my bf did, my mum was so shocked she got blank aand started crying we hardly can even talk to her. she didn't have a plan right ahead and kept asking us what's our plan. she just kept on crying and crying. then he asked me to call my dad. my dad scolded me a bit but he was straight to the point and wanted to talk to my bf parents. my mum was so emotional and stressed about this. i was so disappointed with myself and feel a lil bit guilty of everything but i need to be strong for this. im just waiting for my parents and bf parents to talk in order for me to be at peace. too bad they are really not that happy about it. :(

[KentuckyFriedChildren]

Look my mum didn't talk to me for months when she found out with dc1. She got over herself pdq once there was an actual baby to cuddle. I'm on no 3 now and it doesn't get easier to tell them :o

[ladymia]

now you have told them they need probably a week or more to get used to the idea then the excitement will set in! :)

[NervousAt20]

Try not tinker it upset you, everyone is very shocked I'm sure but they'll come around and be supportive soon

[NervousAt20]

Try not to let it* damn phone

[daerwen]

@KFChildren cute code name :) i really hope my mum could recover soon, i pity her cus she loves me so much i know but i disappointed her. but i know she will. Thanks! xoxo

thanks @ladymia and @nervousAt20, i hope they really will. because my bf and i are already too excited about the baby (we spent hours thinking bout a perfect name) but we didnt get a chance to express it a while ago bcoz of my mums crying! my dad was a lil positive, he's just concerned about HOW we're gonna raise the baby. He's also concern bout my mums emotional capacity. Mum's crying too much really.

[fuchsia01]

I'm 27 with a nice job, nice house, nice boyfriend, and I'm TERRIFIED of telling my mum! I was actually considering texting her the news haha! I want so much to believe that she'll be happy about it because she's always supported me in whatever I've done, but over the past couple of years she's slipped into conversation rather a lot how I shouldn't have kids and I won't like it and she won't be available for babysitting...

[KentuckyFriedChildren]

Tbf I didn't actually tell my mum myself. I chickened out and got my dad to tell her :o she was pissed off cos I didn't finish my degree (that I wasn't enjoying at all) as to

[KentuckyFriedChildren]

As to her education is the be all and end all. Well we got married when I was 20 wks, although we had actually planned the wedding before I found out and she was ok with it then , and she didn't attend. But she loves my kids now. I'm awaiting the arrival of no 3 who is fairly imminent :) and she's fairly cool with it (though she still wants me to go back to uni- which is never gonna happen). They have to let go sometime :)

[SummerRain]

I was 20 with my first.

My mom cried too (although I told her when she was plastered to soften the blow so I should have expected an overreaction)

She was ok by the next morning and even booked us into a restaurant to tell my father (who was brilliant about it tbh)

She's still disappointed I lost my youth but adores her grandkids and is in a lot of ways grateful I had them when she was young enough to enjoy them. I was an only child abd she says now 'but at least we have 3 more babies in the family now'

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

My dh and I are 21, have been together since we were 14 and were both at uni (living together -love over in together at 18 and worked then decided to retrain) we started ttc and now have a wonderful dd who is 1.
We've been through a lot together (dh had brain tumour early this year) and it has made us realise how precious life is. We're currently ttc number 2!
Dh is working a the moment so finances are ok and we're just about to buy our first house.
Dh is going back to uni in jan and I'm going to continue my studies through the open uni so that I can be at home too.
We wanted children early because dhs grandpa had just died and dh realised that he'd always been an old man to him whereas my grandparents are very active and important in my life. We wanted the same for any children we might have and our parents love it! I was very anxious to tell my parents but they took it much better than I thought they would .
I'm sure when your baby arrives it will be much loved and doted on. Especially if it's the first grandchild!
A lot of people also tried to pressure me into going back to uni full time and putting dd in childcare but it was just not something I wanted to do, luckily I'm strong willed and feisty!
Do what you want to do and the rest will follow

[daerwen]

thanks for your story jazz i guess they just need some time to take this news in. we are really excited for the baby :) were you married? my parents want us to get married but i don't think it'll be an easy decision for us. i don't know.

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

We got married when dh was diagnosed with a brain tumour because as I wasn't his nex of Kin they wouldn't tell me anything in hospital but we were engaged for 2 years.
He is absolutely fine now btw just has to have scans every now and then.
I hope my post managed to reassure you that you can still do all the things you planned. You just have to plan things a bit more thoroughly once you have the baby
You can pm me if you feel it would help, I've probably been through most of the emotions you are feeling x

[daerwen]

@Jazz, that was sweet :) im happy to hear that he's fine now. tbh i really dont have any plans yet but im planning to work in singapore after 2 years but since we'l be having a baby, ill just try after 4 years and we'l bring the baby with us. yes thanks your story encouraged me, as well as the other girl's. im just worried really bout my mum she seems to be really disappointed she's locking herself in the room, doesnt talk to me, and ignores me a lot. and about the marriage thing, i really dont think im ready for it, though i love my guy so much but i think its a bigger responsibility, is it?

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

To be honest if you love him and it's what you want to do then it doesn't matter.
Marriage can be a bigger responsibility in terms of debt etc but from my end it just made things easier.
It doesn't really feel any different because it's just a piece of paper but the security that comes with it and peace of mind is worth it IMO

[daerwen]

Thanks jazz, we may need to talk about it. you got a point there, that its just a piece of paper. nothing will change. omg i feel so in love haha! thanks :)