Have you decided what you're doing about work?

[Leftwingharpie]

I'm only 16 weeks pregnant and this is the question everyone's asking when they hear my news. Am I really supposed to know the answer and have a plan by this stage? I have absolutely no idea!

How and when did others decide?

[Marmiteisyummy]

You have to tell your employer by 25weeks I think but they will appreciate as much notice as you can give.
I told my employer with DS when I was 8 weeks (risk assessment needed) and gave them a general plan then of when I intended to finish. I'm on my feet most of the day and I worked til almost 37 weeks, the last 2 weeks I had to drag myself in and it was awful, but glad I did as DS was 2 weeks late and by the time he arrived I was pretty bored!
For most women it becomes quite a hard slog after about 34/35 weeks but some do work very late. Depends hugely on the job you do. Also depends a bit on your leave year. I'm 10 weeks and if all goes well I'll start my mat leave at 38 weeks this time but have already booked annual leave for the preceding month so will actually finish at 34 weeks. I already have a toddler though so know it'll be much more tiring this time around.
It's usually best to book e latest date you think you'll manage and then go off a bit earlier if you're not coping. But all depends on your job really.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Rockchick1984]

Do you mean about when to start maternity leave, or if you will go back afterwards?

[ThreeWheelsGood]

I found the direct gov website's interactive calendar/letter generator thing really useful for getting my head round when I could start my leave vs when I thought I should, what it'd look like if I started later, etc. I decided tentatively around 16 weeks, but I work for a small company so knew they would appreciate knowing with as much notice as possible.

I haven't decided yet about whether to go back because I can't begin to imagine how I feel once I have a baby!

[Leftwingharpie]

Marmite in terms of when I'll finish - that's the easier question by far - I'll probably aim to work until I'm about 37 or 38 weeks subject to how I feel at the time. I have a pretty tame desk job, so it should be ok.

It's how long to take off that's the real issue - as ThreeWheels says how can you know before you have the baby whether you'll want to take two weeks or 52 weeks? I don't want to commit to anything but people keep asking me - and I know they have their own views on how long I should take off. Apparently I should already be looking for nursery places? When for??!

[BonaDea]

You don't have to confirm anything to your employer until much nearer the time you go off, and even then you are entitled to change your plans by giving them notice of it.

ON coming back, you have to indicate how much time you think you want to take off, but again can change your mind about that, provided you comply with the notification requirements. Your HR department shoudl be able to give you more details.

In terms of how long you want to take off, surely financial considerations come into it. In other words, what maternity pay will you get, can you afford to be off for 52 weeks on reduced pay / no pay for some of it?

[Rockchick1984]

Your work should assume you are taking 12 months off, you just need to give them 8 weeks notice of when you want to go back if before the end of the 52 weeks.

Realistically, you probably have an idea before going on maternity leave of how long you can afford to take off even ignoring the emotional aspects of it, so people are probably asking because of that.

Personally I knew I wanted to take as long off as I could, I eventually handed my notice in while on maternity leave and became a SAHM

[SquealyB]

It depends on your situation.

I told work very early as wanted to have a frank and open dialogue with them about maternity leave and possible flexibile working when I start back. I told them around 8 weeks.

As for WHEN to take maternity leave my plan is to start mat. leave at 38 weeks. I am at my desk most days but I guess the commute will be pretty rubbish (an hour each way) but I want to maximise the amount of time I can have off.

As to how LONG to take for maternity leave, I know people say you won't know until the baby gets here how you feel BUT there is the practical issue of ££ to consider. I am the main breadwinner in our house so if baby wants to have a nice standard of living mummy has to go back to work . Don't get me wrong I am very of those who can just take as long as they like but that is just not an option for us. As recognised by a number of the previous posters, you probably just need to work out what you can realitically afford. So I am taking 8 months and then starting back at work with a flexible hours arrangement (just waiting for final sign off on that!).

[Leftwingharpie]

We could just about afford for me to stop work altogether if that's what we both wanted, but obviously that wouldn't be particularly great for my career and I can't imagine having no salary. MIL says I should stay off at least until the child is old enough to talk, i.e. I should give up this job and look for a new one in a couple of years. DH is keen for me to take the whole year off - and yet he himself will take absolutely no paternity leave! TBH at the moment I feel keen to get back to work - everything has been going really well at the moment and it's really engaging and I can't imagine giving it up. But I'm well aware this may change the minute I hold my baby. I can't stop worrying about this - it's a bit of a silly thing to fret about I know!

[DuelingFanjo]

I decided before I had my DS that I would be going back to work, and I did when he was about 10 months old.

[schroedingersdodo]

I was advised by my HR to give notice for the full 52 weeks, as I would have the option of going back earlier if I wanted. I think it makes the process of hiring a replacement easier.

[SquealyB]

Leftwing - I would not worry about what you "should" do. Raising and providing for a child is the responsibility of both parents. If you want to go back to work or take less than a years maternity leave, my view is that it is your choice and you should do what you choose. The joy of women's lib. is that we can now pick whether we stay at home with the kids or go back to work and both choices are equally valid.

Much and all as I LOVE my baby (and I am sure this will just increase when s/he is here) it is important to me to work too as I really like my job and have invested a lot of time and energy in my career and I (both selfishly and practically for money reasons) don't want to give it up. I want to take maternity leave but then I want to go back to work afterwards. It sounds like you do too.

So perhaps you need to talk stuff through with your DH (and ignore your MIL as she doesn't get a vote ) and think about what is best for your family and explain your current thoughts to your DH. I am sure your DH just wants to have a happy family and to have that you need to be happy too. I felt way better after DH and I had a discussion about it (including whether he should take paternity leave) and he said that he really saw it from my point of view.

[LemonMagic]

Lots of sensible advice on here Leftwing - there's definitely no right way to do this, its just great that we have the choice! Your MIL certainly doesn't get a vote! If you are serious about/enjoy your career then taking 3 or 4 years off then looking for another job doesn't quite seem the best plan. From friends' experiences its easier to go back after ML part time / with flexible hours in your existing role, if you want, rather than try and find a new part-time job at the same level, because they are rarely advertised. Also, what about more children? That could affect you looking for a new job in a few years time, ie needing to be in a role for certain time in order to qualify for maternity benefits.

I also agree that it is the responsibility of both partners and am really hoping that my husband will be allowed to go down to 4 days a week when I go back to work (thinking 9 months off) to have one day a week with the baby - that plan is not even the best financial sense, as he earns more per day than I could, but its really important for us to try to have some sort of equality in parenting from as early as possible.

[BonaDea]

leftwing - your MIL's advice also assumes you are only going to have one baby. If you wait until this one is old enough to talk, might you not have another one already or at least on the way. By her reasoning, then, you might be talking about a break of 4 years or so!

I think - if you can - you just have to let this go for the time being. Be honest with HR that at the moment you just don't know and if it is easier for them to assume you'll take 52 weeks, then fine. You are not going to know how you feel until MUCH further down the line, not even at the point LO is born. I know lots of people who, straight after birth, said that they couldn't ever imagine going back but who felt quite differently after 6,8,10 months of baby talk and poopy nappies

Try to relax and come to terms with the fact that this is simply NOT a decision you can make right now.

[Leftwingharpie]

Thank you for all the thoughts. Just been chatting to DH about it all as you suggested Squealy. He surprised me actually - he thinks for practical reasons I should go back at the point where what I'll be earning is at least equal to what I could be getting in maternity pay plus the cost of childcare, travel costs etc. But as far as he's concerned I can stay off as long as I want or go back whenever I want. So I feel a bit better.

Lemon I somehow don't see DH being up for that arrangement! Is your husband on board with the four day week plan? Was it his idea or yours? It would be great to share the parenting like that but it wouldn't work for us financially. Don't worry, I won't be choosing MIL's preferred option unless it turns out that's what I want.

[LemonMagic]

No its his idea! He even suggested dropping down to 3 days a week for a bit at least, but that would mean a significant pay cut, plus I don't think his employer would go for it. But of course we also don't know how we'll both feel later, its just good not to rule anything out I think. I'm afraid we do need to register with a nursery as well though, fairly soon, given one year waits....even if I have a total personality-transplant and decide not to go back to work and we don't need the place.

[Hpbp]

Hello, when I had my first baby, I came back to my previous role full time when he was 10 months. It was so hard to cope with work, baby and chores, I ended with havong only the Sunday to have quality time with husband and son. So I asked for 3 days, after 4 months. 2 months later, my employer asked me to do 4 days because of an increasing workload, I negotiated 3 days at the office and one day from home, my little boy still going to nursery 5 days a week. That was the best deal ever for me, my employer was happy, I could do a bit of laundry when working from home (putting a wash on, work for 2 hours, taking a break from work and putting the laundry on the line dryer, getting back to work...), receiving my grocery delivery, and on my day off, I could deal with cooking and have a little of me time, then on week ends, spend the two full days with the family. Of course, that meant less money for the same workload, but hey quality time with baby/toddler is priceless.
I have just had my second baby and was made redundant. So I don't know yet when to start looking for a new part time role. I will get paid just enough to cover part time nursery if I am lucky ! I don't want to think about it but I am a bit sad and stressed over this.