Giving Birth Alone

[ShaysLou]

Due to our location, we live abroad, i am faced with the reality that i may well have to give birth to DC2 alone.

DH would be at home looking after DC1. New friends have offered to help out with a bit of child care here and there but i can't help thinking that they are just being polite. Plus DC1 is quite a handful i think it would be unfair to offload DC1 onto new friends for too long.

I really have no idea how long i will be in labour for too, as for DC1's birth i was induced.

Husband has offered to fly in a friend from back home. But the reality is they all have jobs and families of their own to take care of and it could well take 24 hours from the moment of my waters breaking to them arriving, which could well be too late.

The only pain relief offered at the hospital is epidural, no gas and air or pethadine. I really don't want an epidural so it could well be a very uncomfortabe birth too.

Has anybody on MN given birth alone and can anybody give any tips?

[Snowbeetle]

Sorry no tips, but just thinking, do they have Doulas where you are and could you afford to hire one?

[Iggly]

Yes can you get a private midwife or doula?

[MandaHugNKiss]

For a moment I thought you were talking about free birthing!

I gave birth to DS1 'alone' - that is to say, in the hospital with a midwife but my exH had popped out to get something to eat (and anyway was a much help as a wet fish. He only dashed in for the final 30 seconds of DD's birth, too, so I was effectively alone with her).

With DS2 (DF, different partner) he was there the whole time, but I can't say as I noticed. I labour quickly, and intensely, moving right into myself. So, for me, a birth partner isn't really very important.

If you feel the need to have DH there, or just someone you feel comfortable with to advocate for you/encourage you, well, are there anything like doula where you are?

If not, could you look into 'professional' childcare for DC1 rather than relying on 'new' friends?

[FoxyRoxy]

ShaysLou are you in Spain by any chance? We don't get offered anything other than an epidural here, also some hospitals make the partner wait outside!

Could you hire a babysitter?

[ShaysLou]

We looked into a Doula but they are very expensive, don't really speak English very well and i can't think that they would be any more use than the midwife. But maybe i am wrong.

We looked into professional childcare and can hire an emergency babysitter, but that isn't a 24 hour service, ie if i went into labour in the night i would't get the emergency babysitter until about 10 am the next morning. And then it wouldn't be someone i or DC had met before. And it is unlikely they will speak English. I am not really happy leaving DC in that circumstance.

I would like DH there but to be honest, i would like anyone i know there. Without DH or a birthing partner the reality is i will be dropped off at reception and only see him again when baby is born and i am on the maternity ward and it is visiting hours.

[ShaysLou]

Not Spain, Switzerland. Hence the Doula costs ££££, or should that be CHF CHF CHF!

[FoxyRoxy]

If friends have offered and you go into labour in the night maybe have one that lives closest on standby to come and stay until the babysitter comes or your DP gets back?

How quick was your first labour? If you're not going to use pain relief you might want to stay at home as long as you can anyway.

How old is dc1?

[ShaysLou]

Nobody can come to the house, so far the offers have been "if it is daytime drop her off and we will stick DC in front of the tv for a few hours". We live in a remote part of the countryside. All our neighbours are nice but despite my best efforts eg. making them Christmas cards, baking cakes and treats etc no one has offered to help out. They are all quite old and language is a big barrier too.

DC1 is 2 1/2 but because of our constant moving since DC has been born DC has never been to nursery. We start nursery two weeks before my due date. Been on the waiting list for 9 months!

First labour was 12 hours from induction.

I wouldn't be so worried if i hadn't started watching One Born Every Minute...DH told me not to but i didn't listen!

[ReadySteadyDrink]

Hi,

Have you thought of going back to UK to give birth? Grandparents watch DC1 while you go to Hospital. You may indeed still be alone (as maybe DH can't get there in time from Switz) but at least you'd be in UK hospital with gas and air etc.?


xxx

[ReadySteadyDrink]

Whereabouts in Switz are you? I have a friend there who has a 2.5 year old and is pregnant (maybe you could look after each other at the respective times!). PM me if you like.

xxx

[eurochick]

Could a grandparent or siblng come out to babysit and have a bit of a holiday around the due date? Is there anyone who isn't working?

[CairoCalling]

Hi Shayslou
I can't give any advice I'm afraid, but I'm reading your thread with interest.
I may be in a similar position as I live abroad too. Pain relief on offer in Egypt is same as Swizt (epi and that's it) and although we've heard good things about the hospital we're planning to go to we think that language will be a bit of a barrier with most of the staff there.
I might go back to the UK as ReadySteadyDrink suggests (even friends with Egyptian husbands go to the UK if they can it seems!) but if I do that then I'll be without DH for the 6 weeks up till the birth and if birth comes early then :( :(

[Wittsend13]

I gave birth alone abroad. It was fine, but then I know no different. I liked the fact I could just get on with it without anyone watching me or just pissing me off in general. I had a natural birth which wasn't by choice but again it wasn't as bad as I had feared. Good luck!

[purpleroses]

Don't rule out the epidural. Was far and away the best decision I made during labour :)