anyone been less than enthusiastic about being pregnant?

[notexcited]

Please tell me it changes?

I realise this may be a thorny subject for some and I don't want to upset anyone.

I found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago. Dp is over the moon but I hate it. I feel so guilty writing this but I really don't want to be pregnant or have another child yet (morning after pill didn't work and this is the result).

I already have a dc and had a very difficult pregnancy to the point that either or both of us could have died. I've raised dc as a single mum for two years which has been bloody hard work as they have had a lot of developmental and health problems. Everything is just starting to get resolved, they will be starting school this year and I would start to get a bit of my life back and then this happens.

I've been in tears the last couple of days, all while trying to put on a happy face. I could never go through with an abortion as I had one at a young age and suffered mental health problems because of it for years after.

I know I've made my bed and have to lie in it but I feel like such a shitty person feeling this way. What kind of mother does that make me? I'm worrying will I bond with the baby? I'm already starting to feel resentful of dp. He can still go out and drink with his mates, go to work when the baby comes. My uni plans have had to be put on hold indefinately.

Has anyone else felt like this at the start and gone on to love their pregnancy?? I'm really just hoping that seeing a scan or feeling the baby move will eventually stir my maternal feelings but I'm scared that it won't.

[AdiVic]

Hello, I am 23 weeks and bl**dy counting with my second child. I have a 24month dd and lost a pregnancy in feb 2011 at 17 weeks due to probs. I have been pregnant 3 christmas's and new years running:( SOOOO not fair. My first pregnancy was easy, labour was easy -so not much to complain about and I still felt like this.

I like my life and love my freedom, and if I'm honest I find pregnancy a real drag! I suffered with depression in my first, but am just a moody cow in this one. It ISN'T fair that the DP gets to still carry on as normal, having a drink, staying the same size, no awkward health problems!!!

So, you are not the only one. I too was very teary and just bloody upset and to some extent scared. Give yourself a break, it was a surprise/shock as you thought you were 'safe', and give yourself time to get your head around it. Dont' feel shitty for feeling bad:)

I feel somewhat more positive now, although still BLOODY hacked off I can't do what I want, like go riding, or look a bit slimmer (all very selfish reasons), but I am quite looking forward to it now. I'm sure you will to, and dwelling on it and worrying is just a waste of time. If it keeps on, talk to the midwife or doc, they will be able to help as have heard it all before - and try not to notice those smug mummies who grin and rub their bellies with glee - grrrr! Happy cows:) No ground breaking advice here, but I do wonder sometimes if women put on a happy face to make others think they feel as they SHOULD be feeling. You will be ok:) Big hug xx

[notexcited]

Thank you so much for replying AdiVic. I was beginning to think I'm the only one who has felt this way. Sorry to hear of your pregnancy loss and that's the thing - I wouldn't want anything to happen to this baby, just wish it could have waited a year or so. Yes you are right, part of it being I am absolutely terrified of something similar happening again. Another part is I've worked so hard the past two years to achieve going to uni this year and I've done the SAHM thing before and HATED it.

I'm already sick of dp going on about he'll be there every step of the way. In my opinion ultimately it is my body going through this and not him. Then after the baby is born, he gets to get some peace and go to work while I'm stuck at home with a baby. Ugh colic and sleepless nights again :(

Wish I was naive like dp, being his first (he didn't even know what colic or latching on was). Knowing the reality of pregnancy, birth and newborn stage kind of sucks.

[Commutinghell]

This is my first so I don't know what you're going through, but just wanted to give you some support. I'm 23 weeks and not enjoying pregnancy. Dying for a few glasses of wine, to play a sports match, get drunk, do some proper sports training and some races. I used to run half marathons, play team sports, race in triathlons, drink DH under the table. Now I can't run or swim more than a couple of miles, a couple of times a week. Totally different circumstances to you I know but being pregnant sucks, I really want the baby and can't wait but I just miss being me.

[patsdeadfrank]

hey, i am 36 wks with my 4th and to say i was unhappy about it would be understatement. i was done and wanted to take permanent steps to make sure i never got pregnant again but no one would sterilise me. my dp got booked in for a vasectomy i was on the pill and viola up the duff.
had only been with dp for 8 months he had 3 kids as well so he was done too, i was really not happy, it took a long to to be any thing resembling happy about it. resigned was as good as it got.
its hard to concentrate on the positives when you havent planned for these things and some people may give you a hard time or what ever but every ones situation is relative.
so now its all nearly over i am excited about meeting the baby (its a girl) and the mind numbing horror of the situation doesnt swamp me really any more. but i cant say that i still dont have oh my god moments. doesnt mean i wont love the baby or raise her well or do my best, just means the circumstances were not ideal.

[notexcited]

Wow commutinghell - so different to me. I couldn't run the length of myself I can drink dp under the table though!

patsdeadfrank I'm hoping for at least resigned soon :(

Funny I have had back-up from the unlikely source of dp's mother. He told her I was less than impressed and she admitted to him she hated it every time she was pregnant. He goes to me ' she's never told me that before'. I had to explain parents never tell you those things until you get pregnant/get partner pregnant because they don't want to put you off.

Had a bit of a think last night as I feel terrible for thinking this way (the irrational side wondering if the tiny little embryo inside me can pick up on the vibes) but then realised that if I didn't care I wouldn't have stopped drinking or smoking or making sure I'm eating the right foods and taking vitamins. I do know that I will love him/her when they arrive.

Thank you ladies and good luck with the rest of your pregnancies.

[Snowboarder]

Not excited, I could have written your post. I am 13 weeks with DC2 and have a feeling of dread that's following me about. Although I wouldn't want anything to happen to the baby, I am struggling to get excited. The worst thing is that DC1 was conceived via IVF and this one was a natural surprise so I really should be counting my blessings.

Like you though, I had a VERY difficult pregnancy and DS was born 3 months early via an EMC. We were both very poorly and DS spent his first 2 months of life in intensive care and SCBU. He also had severe reflux so his first few months at home were no great shakes either! Things were just starting to get easier (DS 10 mo/ 7 mo corrected) and I find out I am pregnant again.

For me pregnancy and birth have such horrible negative associations that I can't be happy. I'm doing my best to fake it though! I'm hoping that things go better this time (for us both), and that all our fears and negativity melts away when we are handed our little bundles.