Scan disappointment

[osculation]

Hello ladies,

I had my first scan today. This is my first baby so wasn't really sure what to expect and I'm not sure if this feeling this disappointed by the experience is normal?

The sonographer had a student with her who she introduced and made sure I was alright with her being there which was fine with me. During the scan the monitor was faced away from me (although DP could see it) and I could hear her pointing out the baby and the heartbeat and arms and legs etc and I was expecting her to show me too but she didn't. I did have photographs taken but they're very blurred and I'm a bit disheartened that I didn't get to see my baby's heartbeat.

I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm actually pregnant and thought that seeing the baby today would make it seem a bit more real but I'm feeling more lost than before. I feel like not having the opportunity to see it 'live' has made it seem less like it's actually happening, not the other way around. I know this sounds barking mad and DP says the 20 week scan is the best one anyway (he has 2 DCs already) but I still feel a bit let down.

[cazboldy]

hi

sorry you feel a bit down. couldn't you have asked to see?
I have always just seen mine each time without asking though ( i have had 5 dc)
Congrats on your pg x

[hester]

I'm sorry you're feeling disappointed, and fully understand why you'd got so excited about your first scan.

Scans mean really different things for sonographers and pregnant women, I think. You have to remember that they are not intended to be a fabulous experience for the mother-to-be. They are for detecting abnormalities, and that is why the monitor was faced away from you. Sonographers and midwives often complain that pregnant women and their partners don't really get this, and pile in expecting a party atmosphere (this is not helped by the growth of commercial 4D scan services).

BUT it clearly is an exciting event for most of us, and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect sonographers to remember this and be a bit nice about it! It's a shame you didn't get to see the heartbeat - did you ask if you could?

The photos are often blurred and indistinct, and your dp is right that you get to see a lot more at the 20 week scan.

Early pregnancy is a very peculiar time - so much has changed, without really changing at all - but give yourself a hormonal hug and remember that life will soon start changing very fast indeed. Your baby will seem real soon enough

[osculation]

Thank you.

In hindsight I know I should have asked to see but it was all over quite quickly and I wasn't sure if that was just normal procedure and it didn't really occur to me until afterwards when I was trying to make out the pictures and felt like they weren't really mine. Everything's changing so quickly and I'm finding myself dissecting whatever I'm feeling incase it's just pregnancy hormones taking over.

[hester]

Have you heard the hearbeat? Much nicer than seeing it, I always thought

[Xmasbaby11]

They should have shown you the scan. Normally they check first and then show you once they know everything is ok. That's the best bit and 12 weeks is so special because its the first time you see your baby. Often the pictures are a bit blurry though and there's nothing you can do about that.

However, don't worry about that now. The picture is still completely precious and your first solid evidence that the baby exists! And the most important thing is that you know your baby is developing well! That's the biggest thrill! It felt like a great hurdle and more important than feeling 'real'. I don't think there was one time when I suddenly felt pregnant, but the movements and hearing the heartbeat all happen many times later on. Gradually you will think more and more about your little one and find it easier to imagine him/her. So please don't worry - all these feelings will come in time. How exciting for you!

[CGall]

Sorry about how your scan went, it does happen so fast and you just follow the midwifes lead as you dont know what your supposed to do.
we had previously had a miscarriage which was found at a scan at 11 weeks so I was slightly dreading my 12 week scan this time, but even when everything appeared normal and midwife was happy with scan I still felt disconnected from it. I think even seeing the heartbeat etc, you gear yourself up for such a big event, that it can end up beign a little less exciting, because you can still feel very dicsonnected with what you see on the screen.
i think this is can happen easily as you dont feel the baby at that early stage so it really doesnt feel like its part of you, once our scan was over, i never really found much connection looking at the scan pictures as it didnt feel like it was inside me.
But like Hester said, hearing the heartbeat was totally different, the doctor used a doppler at an appointment at about 16 weeks and hearing the heartbeat got me far more emotional, that was when I started to feel like I was actually carrying a baby and felt excited that it was all real.
Our hormones really do play a major part and whatever you are feeling is totally normal, its hard to reassure yourself, but try to think of all the positives that did come from the scan and take each day as it comes, as you will have really positive feelings some days and less positive others, each milestone and appointment will be something to look forward to from now on, so try not to worry. As others have said, you will soon have plenty of things happening that wil reassure you and connect you with the little bean growing inside you :)

[user59457812]

Agree with what others have said, the attitude of sonographers is that it is a medical examination so they can forget how important it is for the parents to be involved. With a student there he or she would have been in 'teaching' mode which would have also been distracting from you and your DP.

One suggestion is that you could arrange for a private scan during which you can take a bit more time and there will be less pressure as the 12 week scan is already done. They are usually about £100-150, so not cheap, but if you could afford it, it may help to compensate for the first one.

There's not long to wait until your 16 week midwife appointment when you'll get to hear the heartbeat, which is lovely and so reassuring.

I agree with others that even if your scan goes well it doesn't necessarily lead to feeling massively connected. I had several miscarriages before this pregnancy and both DH and I were cautious about getting too attached. We loved the process but were still quite reserved emotionally until quite recently, probably after 20 weeks.

It will all come in time. Congratulations! xx

[Catsycat]

Congratulations OP!

Sorry the scan was a bit of an anticlimax. It would have been nice if they could have let you see the monitor a bit after all the medical side was done, and pointed things out to you etc. This has always happened with my scans (I had my scan with #3 last week). The pictures are always a bit grainy and vague though - I think at that size, the sonographer knows what she is looking at, but often non-medical people find the images hard to distinguish.

The other replies are right, the heartbeat round 16 weeks is just amazing. With DD1, I didn't know they were going to check the heartbeat that early, so it was a total surprise. I was so pleased I had to go and chat to the friendly waitress in our local cafe about it, just to share it with someone!!!! You only have a few weeks to go till your 20 week scan, and then you can ask them to explain everything and give you a proper look.