I'm too late to abort aren't I? I can't do anything but cry tonight? Help?

[simplegirl11]

well I got in contact with a pregnancy resource center. They said if I hadn't had my period since last March I'm probably too far along. I didn't have a positive pregnancy test until june. I haven't had a period accept 2 times. My mom said I shouldn't get normal periods til next year. I'm scared what to do next if I'm actually that far along what is going on? I have even got a baby bump at all. I'm 13 102 lbs and 5'11". Only 9 lbs heavier than my usual weight. I don't know what do I'm completely lost. I can't tell my parents they'll just kick me out. I can't go to the guy for help. His parents are stricked muslims. I don't have any friends and I'm pretty lost from here advice plz?

[FingandJeffing]

Ok, if you got a positive test in June you could be 5 months pregnant, if you definitely are pregnant. If you haven't already been offered one you need to organise a scan through your GP/local midwife and if you are pregnant they can date the pregnancy. So you need to to go and see your gp as soon as possible. It may not be too late to terminate a pregnancy, if you are pregnant.

You are very young and will need some help either way, could you not talk to your mum for help? She might surprise you, I would be very upset if my daughter was pregnant at 13, mainly because I love her and would be fearful she had been taken advantage of. I would want to help though, either way, whatever the outcome.

[simplegirl11]

I wasn't victimized I just have a lot of cose guy friends. We're in love as I'd ever be with another guy. But I know my parents wouldn't let me stay with them it outweighs the cost. Can I see my dr without my parents wouldn't they tell my parents?

[Peachy]

hugs.

Have a look at this website; it's designed especially for people like you and the Brooke Advisory people have been around for years so reliable.

here

[SkinnyGirlBethany]

The doctor would keep your confidentiality I think- you can make the appointment, get there and ask b4 u tell him.
What are your teachers lime? Do you get on with anyone well? Could you confide in anyone at school?

This part, this fear you have now is the worst part- as soon as you tell someone gp, teacher, parent you will at least know where u stand and not have the feeling of dread every day.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up too much. Fwiw- your parents if they chuck you out, you will not end up on the streets. You are 13 and you will be looked after in some form. I think you need to find out if you are def preg so doctors appt is a must.

[nooka]

Unless the doctor has good reason to believe that you have been abused or are in some way in need of protection then your conversation with them should be completely confidential, and they will not tell your parents about it. They may well advise you to talk to your mother/parents though. If you are still worried then an alternative is to go to a walk in family planning clinic, and that might be a better choice if there is one near enough to you as they are probably more likely to know about the support services you might find helpful. This site might help you find one:

www.direct.gov.uk/en/YoungPeople/HealthAndRelationships/ConcernedAbout/DG_068643

Here is some health advice: www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2330.aspx?CategoryID=54&SubCategoryID=138

Finally this site looks like it is specifically for teenagers: www.ymtb.org/advice.asp

It sounds as if you are probably quite young - if you reach out there are almost certainly people who will want to help you. Do you have any adult friends or members of your family who you feel more comfortable with that might be able to tell your parents with you perhaps? It must be very scary for you. I really hope that you feel able to talk to someone.

Some phone numbers:

//www.brook.org.uk 0800 018 5023

//www.ruthinking.co.uk Sexwise 0800 28 29 30

//www.fpa.org.uk Family Planning Association 0845 310 1334

[justhayley]

Sweetheart I wish I could give you a cuddle. Ok I wouldn't personally go to your GP as although they will not tell your parents if you can have an abortion it will be on your record for life and there may be a time in the future when you need that for a job or whatever. Or if u were taken into hospital for whatever reason your parents may come across it. Not that anyone would ever judge you for it and it wouldn't go against you but if it's not something you want to share I think the brook advisory is your place to start.
Your obviously in a worrying situation but please don't o through it on your own. Your parents love you to bits and yes they will probably hit the roof and you might get shouted at for a few hours but at the end of the day I'm sure your mum would be there for you and not kick you out.
I had an abortion at an early age (16) and tried to hide it from my mum, I went through brook and they were so supportive and lovely to me. I had the termination without my mum bein there cos I was scared I'd be kicked out etc, she ended up finding out a week later when the hospital sent a letter to my address, it had a hospital stamp on it and she opened it as she had a feeling something was gong on. She was more upset that I thought I couldn't go to her than angry, yes we did have our arguments but in the bigger picture I was glad my mum found out as she really helped me - even though it took ages before I would talk about it.

Have you got any older brothers and sisters, an aunt, maybe grandma or a family friend you could go to first? And they could come with you to tell your parents? Might seem a funny option but there's always the church? Even if uv never stepped foot in one I'm sure there would be someone in there that could come to your parents with you. Or a teacher?

I understand your partner is a strict Muslim but at he end of the day he also needs to deal with this it's not just your problem. Does he know what's going on?

Have you told any school friends?

I really feel for you hun, It a shame u have left it until now If you found out in June but I understand - I put it off for months as well! It's bloody frightening!

If it is to late to have an abortion the quicker you tell your parents the better. It's not the end of your life sweet - I know it probably feels like it. If worst comes to worse and your parents do turn away from you, you live in an amazing country where you will not be left on your own.
What you don't want to do is leave it and go into labour alone and end up leaving the baby somewhere in a panic - don't put yourself or baby at risk. If it's in the open now parents social services etc will be able to help you, if not with an abortion then with your other options wether that's bringing up the baby with support or adoption.

Maybe you could write your mum a letter if u don't no how to say it to her?
Tell her your frightened and tell her how much you need her to help you right now - and tell her you'l never have sex again till your at least 30 ;)

Your going to be ok, the worst bit is now I promise!

We are all here for you and if u want to personal message me to chat more you can.

Take care hun
Hayley xxxxx

[simplegirl11]

my sister got pregnant go sent away. I've not seen her since I was 7. My best friend and I are both muslims. I don't think he's stricked it's just his family which was what I was talking about. He knows I an pregnant but we're both at the same positions in our family life where we're too scared to tell them. My mom just isn't the type that would do anything to make it work. I think it would be too much of an inconvenience and teachers I do have some I get along with but just got to know. I get really really worried if they'll
tell the others at school I'm pregnant. I could go to my gp? I guess that's place to start. It's best to see if it's at all possible to go as planned. Thanks you guys for the websites and advice at really at least perhaps I don't have to worry completely I at least have to figure out a few things. I hope I can come back here saying everything's under control.

[mumt1]

Oh god I hope ur ok! U need a really big cuddle!!! I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first. It was so hard for me then to tell my mum...and now 21 and pregnant again I still couldn't face telling her. I burst into tears the lot. Even tho I'm settled with the same partner. What I'm trying to say hun is that it will always be very very difficult to tell ur mum in a situation like this. As ur muslims she may be very upset, I studied islam at gcse so no a fair bit. But there will always be people there for u. Even if its not ur family. There are people who make it a career to care for young individuals such as ur self, u will not be going thru it alone. U just need to go to ur gp, try n maybe get a female gp, might find it easier, and explain everything and say ur family situation.have u definatly had a positive pregnancy test then? Was that in june...if so maybe do another? Either way hun...you'll be ok! Big hugs!! Natalie xx

[Flisspaps]

You can't do this alone :( If you are definitely pregnant then it is going to become obvious to your parents at some point - you need to tell them sweetheart. Take a friend with you if you need someone there for support.

Are you in the UK or are you overseas? Your opening post has a lot of Americanised spellings and you've posted your weight in pounds rather than stones and pounds.

[WishingIWasLucky]

I am so so sorry for the predicament you find yourself in. As you are Muslims, and you havent seen your sister since you were 7, as she got pregnant too- are you sure she's ok? I would try and find a safe house for yourself first, before you tell your parents. Otherwise, there may be repercussions for your safety.
I don't want to scare you, but I have worked with Muslim girls before, and your safety is of paramount importance at this moment in time. Only in a safe, secure place can you come to a sensible decision regarding the pregnancy. There are too many issues here. One thing which seems to be in your favour is that your partner is a Muslim and you guys are in love.
Generally Muslims are more tolerant of other Muslims, and both families may agree to you bringing the baby up together- after the initial shock. You are very very young regardless of religion. Please keep us updated. Contact the relevant authorities as outlined above. I am concerned for YOUR safety at this present moment in time. Keep safe.

[justhayley]

Ok so my idea of maybe seeking help from a church wasn't a good one - sorry about that didn't realise you were Muslim. (although don't think you still can't go into one for help - doesn't mean you have to suddenly change religion) I agree with the poster above it does change things slightly, although whilst you are in this country you have more control than you think. what area are you from? Would you no how to find your local social services? I think they would be a brill place to start - they can protect you- a social worker could come with u to ur parents if necessary, and if you need to sort out safe housing they will do this for you. By contacting social services your a bit more protected safety wise. You obviously are extra scared because your sister has been through the same thing. It's so heartbreaking, I really feel for you. Youv made a good choice coming on mumsnet I'm 28 and these women have helped me loads - they know everything .

You need to really act on on the advice quickly though, if you leave it much longer you won't be able to hide it.
You need help, support an you need to be protected. Your still only a child pregnant or not and if u are in the Uk you will get all that. Just be strong bite the bullet pick up the phone and call social services and brook.

One more question is your GP close with your family? my friend had to go to her GP with an STI at school she was also Muslim - her doctor went to her mosque and told her father - i don't want to frighten you but it didn't end well

I would go to Brook over your GP in this situation I really would. Social services first though so your safe, plus they can provide an address you can give to brook so your post doesn't get sent to your parents house!

Please let us no what you do and that your are safe.

we are all here for you

Xxx

[MindtheGappp]

Are you in the UK, simplegirl?

[simplegirl11]

I'm 26wks and 4 days. So I guess I'm over the limit here. I live the USA 100% All American though. I was born in Travnik though. But like it here more. It's odd all the parent sites I find are uk. Churches usually don't help because of my denomination. But maybe certain organizations it's just I can't find one in my area.... Anyway, I talked to a counselor all that seems to be to tell my parents sadly.... I just don't see how or to tell my parents without getting kicked out. My parents aren't willing to let me have a kid they just won't I know it. Mostly because it's too much of a hassle.



muslims aren't the same around the world. actually we're accepting to anyone really. From my parent's experience it's the other way around. We're European so culture's different. But moreso I think him being not ethnically the same would be more an issue. As for his family if it was found out I fear I'd never see him again.

[MindtheGappp]

For practical help, you should be able to find this in your local Catholic church. They are very good at supporting young women in continuing with their pregnancies even in difficult circumstances. They will not demand anything in return.

The right/western answer is to come clean with your parents.

[FearfulYank]

Simple honey, I'm in the US too. Where are you? What do you need? There are places you can live with your baby if it turns out you will have to carry it to term, or there are lots of places you can call if you'd like your baby adopted.

Any Catholic or Lutheran church will help, denominations won't matter to them. There are also a lot of helplines you can call.

[ednurse]

Hoping some US mumsnetters will pop by soon with websites and advice. I'm feeling very worried for you.

[simplegirl11]

I'm in Detroit.

I have considered calling an adoption agency. I guess we got no other choice

[FearfulYank]

I have family (extremely kind, non judgmental family) about three hours from you. I will get ahold of them tomorrow and see what's in your area for help. I've tried to google it myself but my blasted computer is acting up.

You can come stay with me :) but I'm sure that's not entirely helpful right now. What have your parents done/said that makes you feel they'd react badly?

[FearfulYank]

This may help. It's the first thing I saw before my computer crapped out again. :( Try any of those numbers and just explain your situation. They seem very "keep your baby" but if you decide adoption is what you want they could probably point you in the right direction.

[tadjennyp]

This site seems good: www.michiganadoptivefamilies.com/ It also includes pregnancy advice and help with the law on adoption, if that is the route you wish to go down. I am in Oregon so a long way away from you, but was a High School teacher and I wish I could help you more. You are being very brave but I am worried you have had no prenatal care, especially at your young age. Please try and look at the sites I and Fearful have shown you (but delete your history if your parents are likely to find it). Best wishes x

[thejaffacakesareonme]

Thinking of you and wish I had some good advice. You are being very brave. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[StaceymAloneForver]

hi simplegirl, jsut wanted to offer support, i was 17 when i fell pregnant with my first and it is so hard to come to terms with.

i hope you get the help you need, parents may be angry to begin with but normally they calm down eventually. xxxx

[cherrysodalover]

Simplegirl- poor you......of course it must be so worrying for you, but this is a situation that can be resolved whatever you decide to do.
Should you consider adoption from what I have seen, I am amazed by how much easier the adoption process seems to be here in the US- several friends have adopted babies and they still have some sort of contact with the birth mothers who often decide in pregnancy to have their child adopted- a very selfless and generous act.I know how thrilled these women are to become mothers and should you choose this I think you would have peace of mind that your baby would be loved as much as you would love your baby if you kept him or her, which is possibly also an option, if you can get some family support.
I do know you are not alone-it happens and it is something that you can resolve.I wish you the best with it, whatever you choose.

[pregnantmimi]

Big hug and its happened now so its a gift from god and it might be the best thing thats ever happened to you. Understand your partner is muslim but you live in england and muslims are a lot more modern now yes it willl be a shock for everyone but they will have to get on with it. Be strong think about your baby and just tell your mum shes your mum shes going to be mad but she will help you alot and she needs to know sooner than later and will find out at some point. Also your going to get some people making horrible comments in the future talking about you extra sod them ok just think about you and your life and dont let it get to you.xx

[georgethecat]

Hi Justhayley just to let you and the OP know that medical records are confidential. An abortion will not effect job prospects a lot of people have jobs that have had abortions. Also a doctor should not tell family if the patient requests it no matter how good friends he/she is with the family unless abuse is suspected.

Good luck OP, there are plenty of organisations that can help if you don't feel you can rely on family.