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Pregnancy

How do I prepare DS?

26 replies

SausageSmuggler · 05/10/2011 15:40

DS is 1 in 3 weeks time, when this baby comes along there will be 17/18 months between them. I feel I should do something to prepare him for the new arrival but is there anything he'll understand at this age? Or would it be a bit of a lost cause? One thing I was thinking was getting him a doll to try and keep him involved when the baby does arrive, is that a good idea?

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ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 05/10/2011 21:16

There is 21 months between my 2 and dd2 is now 17 weeks. I told dd1 all about the baby in my tummy, she'd be having a new brother or sister etc.

She didn't have a clue.

She came into hospital and we gave her a baby annabel off dd2 which she looked at for 2 minutes and then wanted to play with the taps in the washroom.

When dd2 first came home we had a few days of dd1 wanting a bib and a bottle, but she loves her to bits and is very proud of her. It wouldn't have made any difference if I told her about the baby everyday or had never mentioned it, she still wouldn't have been prepared.

But your ds may be very different and may understand more. I would still involve him just not expect too much feedback

edwinbear · 05/10/2011 21:22

DS will be 27 months when DC2 makes an appearance in around 7 weeks time. I've tried to explain but he really doesn't get it at all, he's not even interested in my huge tummy! He'll figure it out soon enough when it arrives I guess!

TheRealMBJ · 05/10/2011 21:26

DS is 21 months old, and DD is due any minute.

We got this book quite early on. It is quite twee, but DS likes it and understands a lot of the concepts. I also go a baby doll and we talk about 'the baby', I bf 'the baby', he is encouraged to hug and kiss the baby.

I talk to him about having a baby in the house, take library books out about new babies, he kisses my belly and I try to show him the baby moving inside me (although he generally isn't patient enough) and he helps me put stretch mark oil on (not that it has done any good) every morning.

TBH, I don't think he has the faintest clue as to what will be hitting him soon, but at least we have tried.

SurprisEs · 05/10/2011 21:27

DD is 2.2 yrs old and I am 12 weeks pregnant with DC2. I was intending on waiting until either she asked about the bump (when I get one) or until the third trimester but DD jumps on my stomach a lot. I told her she had to be careful and shouldn't do it because there's a baby in mummy's tummy. She now keisses my tummy sometimes and says hello to baby but I really don't think she understands there will be an actuall baby in the house soon, I'm fine with that.

I showed her the scan photos yesterday (12 week scan) and asked what it was. She called an envelope?!? And a monkey.

kiki22 · 05/10/2011 22:19

my niece is 4.5 and has taken to telling the bump about school and whats gone on there but refuses to tell any other person what she did at school but then she keeps asking if i will forget she exsists when i have my own baby tbh i don't think it matters what age they are they just don't get it til babys there.

Biscuitsandtea · 05/10/2011 22:53

My ds is 3 and I'm 15 weeks and we have the book linked to earlier, which is ace for him, but then he is that bit older. We've also seen lots of friends who 'had a baby in their tummy' and then we see the baby once born so he understands that much.

We've also had to educate him on how delicate mummy's tummy is

What I don't think I can prepare him for is what an actual baby is like. Or not without putting him off the idea . It's hard because people say things to him like 'will you play with the baby' etc but really newborn babies are noisy and dull for a toddler!

We were talking about toys earlier though and he was asking what toys he could share so I was trying to show him the sort of baby toys that you have but it's hard for him to understand.

To be honest, it's hard to prepare him for life with a sibling since i have no idea really what it will be like!

Just hoping we can all adjust when the time comes.

Apologies OP, that doesn't really answer your qn as your ds is so much younger, but I would say you'd probably struggle to get them to understand too much about what's to come. Even if they 'get' the pg, that's a whole diff ballgame to life with a baby.

I wonder if there are any good books for that bit?

SurprisEs · 05/10/2011 23:05

There were loads of books I read about newborn babies and how to cope when I was first pregnant but nothing prepared me for the real deal. I can imagine that for a small child it is even more of a shock! All we can do is hope the best. I think the best books are the ones that help the parent understand what doubts may be going through the child's mind and the pissible ways to deal with it. I'll be searching the library for some of those. I can't access the link for some reason. What book is it that was mentioned?

Biscuitsandtea · 05/10/2011 23:17

It's called 'There's a house inside my mummy'. DS seems to like it quite a lot.

Yes - books on things that they might worry about would be good so you can reassure them. I remember reading about potty training that flushing poos down the toilet can be a HUGE deal, esp for boys, but I'd probably have never thought of that. At least forewarned is forearmed for some of the ideas they might get! Some worries are obvious but sometimes kids come up with odd ideas

SurprisEs · 05/10/2011 23:26

I heard great things about the book you mentioned. I'm thinking of making it a christmas present.

One of the best things I rwad about potty training was to never comment on te smell of the childs poo or say things like yucky as they may think you find them in some way repulsive and that pooingnis bad. I'm glad I read it. My nephew has been very constipated as he now refuses to poo because is mum said yucky and smelly after he'd pooed for the first time in the potty. I know I would have done it without even thinking had I bot read about it!

m1nn1em0u5e · 05/10/2011 23:43

We got the same book for our son, he was 4 though, so kind of knew what was coming!..

With the potty training, my ds1 was a nightmare at doing a no.2 on the toilet because of the smell! Even though we hadnt made a fuss about it, im sure he picked up on it somewhere, I can remember vividly 2am in the morning sat on the bathroom floor while my constipated son was sat on the toilet, me & dh saying 'every thing smells, some things more than others' then proceeded to talk about all the different smells in the house!..It worked eventually when I promised to spray some nice air freshener!....kids hey!

SurprisEs · 05/10/2011 23:49

I wasn't there when SIL made the comment, but she says that was wen he began to be uneasy about pooing.

Question: this may or may not help OP but I'm curious. Would you take your child to a scan? And why?

m1nn1em0u5e · 06/10/2011 00:13

Yes we took him to the 20 week scan, although, I kind of wish we hadnt as they told us they thought ds2 had a hole in the heart, which was awful. Luckily he was just fine after repeat scans, but it wasnt quite the brotherly bonding experience I had planned!...However, I am now pregnant with ds3 & we didnt take either of our boys to the 12/20 weeks scans, but they were so disappointed that we booked a private scan purely for them! They are 8 & 4 & they really seemed to enjoy it :)

SurprisEs · 06/10/2011 00:19

12 week scan is gone, but after DD referring to the foetus as an envelope I thought going to the next scan she might visualise better. Maybe...

m1nn1em0u5e · 06/10/2011 00:24

Aah bless! Yes, they definitely look more baby like by 20 weeks!

SurprisEs · 06/10/2011 00:29

Well, we've moved onto monkey now. More human like I suppose.

Biscuitsandtea · 06/10/2011 06:27

Just thinking sausagesmuggler, I think your idea of getting a doll or a teddy or something could be a great idea as you could try to encourage your DD (was it DD or DS? On phone so can't check and I've forgotten) to treat it really gently - ie how you might hope they'll treat the baby

You know, cuddling, but not throwing etc. The whole family could try to treat the doll really gently cos at 18 mths I think I recall a lot of stuff will still get poked, chucked etc

But something that you have to be gentle with, not carry round by one leg etc might be good?

Good luck anyway x

Biscuitsandtea · 06/10/2011 06:36

D'oh! Sorry it was your DS not DD

kiki22 · 06/10/2011 12:05

If it's any help i was 2 when my sister was born and i can't remember life before her as far as i remember she's always been there. my first memory is of the day she was born it was great fun coz i was given a big tube of smarties like the ones you get at xmas, I was told i had to teach her things and can help take care of her which i took very seriously could ride her 2 wheeler bike without stabelisers when she was 3 coz i thought it was my job to teach her. My mum also always drummed it in to us that no matter what happened we would always have each other so it made us very close and have always had the same group of friends. I think the best thing to do its make sure he knows that it's not just you thats having a new baby he is too.

pinkpeony · 06/10/2011 14:01

DS was 19 months when DD was born. A few months before her birth (once I became very visibly pregnant) I bought him several books - one called "what's in your tummy mummy" (that he still likes to read now even though his sister is 9 months old!) and a few about a boy with a new baby sister (or brother) who comes home from the hospital with mummy. I explained I had a baby in my tummy too and that he will have a baby sister and become a big brother, and I found he understood a lot more than I had expected. One day we were looking at animal books, and I pointed out a picture of a mummy kangaroo with a baby kangaroo in her pouch and he pointed to my pregnant belly and said "pouch". Even after DD was born, he would still point to other pregnant women and say "baby".

Sandra2011 · 06/10/2011 14:03

He's too young to understand anything. Which is probably the best :)

LaWeasel · 06/10/2011 14:09

DD will be a fair bit older when her brother is born (nearly 3) and I don't think she really gets it either!

She came to both scans to "see the baby" (with the sonographer's permission and after they'd checked all was okay) but she didn't really engage with that at all.

Today we saw the MW and she heard the baby's heartbeat and saw my stomach move (I'm 28weeks) and I think it is starting to click a little bit more.

From friends who've had small age gaps between children they found that they tended to just slot together quite quickly, as the older child very quickly forgets that the baby didn't use to be there!

SausageSmuggler · 06/10/2011 15:30

Thank you for all your replies, I really appreciate them. I've tried to get him to not be quite so rough with my tummy if i'm lying down or something but thats like talking to a brick wall. I think I will get him a doll a bit closer to the time and in the meantime just talk about the new baby a lot and how he's going to be a bg brother etc.

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Mysecretumbrella · 06/10/2011 16:25

Sausage, it's lovely that your two will be so close in age - I have a friend with a similar gap and I know her eldest very soon seemed to forget that the second DC hadn't always been around! I think one thing that helped her was the dad giving lots of extra attention to the older child once the younger one was born to try and make them feel special and compensate for any defecit from the mum!

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and my DD is nearly 3. I'm dying to tell her as I think she'll grasp it pretty well (have lots of friends with new babies/babies in mummys' tummys) but was thinking of holding off for a while as I thought she may get impatient when nothing appears for another 6 months! But after reading others' experiences, maybe I am being too cautious and should just tell her now!

Biscuitsandtea · 06/10/2011 16:29

Umbrella that sounds like a similar age gap to us (I'm 15 weeks and DS turned 3 a few weeks ago). I agree that he probably will get a little impatient about nothing happening but have explained that it won't be until after Christmas so he knows there are other things to come first. To be honest we told him because we were telling everyone else so wanted him to know what people were talking about iyswim?

On the impatience front though we explained that we were taking his slide and swing down for the winter so it would be away if it snows and now every morning he asks me if it has snowed yet - I have tried explaining it won't happen for a while but......

Mysecretumbrella · 06/10/2011 18:40

Biscuits, I totally agree about the impatience thing - funnily enough my DD was asking today when it was going to snow, and telling me how we would build a snowman, just because I mentioned it was a bit chilly! But to be honest I think she'd still be like that about the baby if we left it a few more months.

I think that I am keen to tell her as I hate lying to her, and you make a good point about others talking about it. I have a second "dating" scan tomorrow (the first one was at 10 wks so too early) so I think we'll tell her after that if DH agrees.

Sorry for the highjack Sausage!

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