can't believe im going to be a stay at home mum!!

[kiki22]

I've just found out i will not be returning to work after i have my baby and am having VERY mixed feelings!! I'm not returning due to the fact i'm paid so poorly would actually make a slight loss working and paying for child care had planned to go back 2 days a week.

I really don't know how i feel about it while i was planning to go back to work i kept thinking how great it would be to stay home with my child but now the thought of being home with a child constantly and not having my own money is a bit scary. I could go back to work and work for childcare money but that seems mental! need pep talk

[MustControlFistOfDeath]

Why not suck it and see - babies can be hard work, sleepless nights etc and you might find that you enjoy being a SAHM and don't want to go back.

Or you might find it really dull and want to go back to work even if it is just to pay the childcare.

When's your baby due? Have you got chance to save up a bit before the birth? like I always meant to but didn't

[roz1982]

I can totally see where your coming from. Seems absolutely mad to go to work just to pay for childcare and maybe even make an overall loss but there is definitely something scary about not making your own money! I would feel exactly the same. I plan to go back part time and luckily have grans to help out with childcare. I think the way to look at it is this is what you have decided is best for now. Theres nothing to stop you from goin back in the future and I would insist on a monthly allowance that gets paid into your account so you can pretend it's a wage! Anyway it is a wage you will be doing the hardest job of all!

[lisakell]

Me too! After working out every conceivable way of organising our working hours it would seem that we would be better off if I stayed at home for a couple of years. We don't have family nearby to help with childcare and we both commute a fair distance to work - even if I only worked 4 hours a day I would have to pay for 6 hours childcare to cover travel time - not to mention jumped up prices for weekend care as we both work weekends etc. Have worked full time for 18 years and part of me is really excited and part of my really scared. Not too worried about not having my own money as I supported my OH for a couple of years as he wanted to retrain for a different career so I'm happy to be supported for a while! In my head I have visions of doing lots of mum and baby stuff and keeping an immaculate home with freshly baked bread every day and tending to my veg patch although I suspect the reality will be somewhat different....

[MustControlFistOfDeath]

lisa lol at the freshly baked bread

[HidingInTheUndergrowth]

It is really hard with childcare costs, like must says you might just be best giving it a go and seeing how you find it unless there are other options for you or you have a job you particularly love. I can very much sympathise with your concerns though.

After doing all the sums we have decided that we will both request to reduce hours to 3 days a week with my DM looking after the little one for the remaining day. Like you, if we worked full time then we would pretty much be working just to pay someone else to look after our child which seems a bit mad.

However, if one of our employers refuses the request for part-time working we have decided that we would go for the childcare route, and see how that goes. Neither of us are keen to give up our jobs completly and the areas we work in mean that if we decided to give up work then getting a job again doing what we enjoy could be really rather tricky if it didn't work out.

I have to say that in a way I have found this the hardest and scariest decision of the whole child thing. On the one hand I want to be there for my child but on the other hand work is such an important part of my life and I have worked really hard to build a career doing something I like that the thought of giving it up brings my up in a cold sweat.

[saoirse86]

I'm in a similar situation and my dd is a year now. I have now decided to go back to work one day a week. I think it will be a positive change for me, it means dd can go to nursery and spend time with other children (although we do meet lots of other mums and babies anyway) and I don't mind that it's not financially worthwhile as it's only a few pounds a week different.

I haven't looked into it all yet but I know you can work a bit and get some benefits.

If you're definitely not going back make sure you have plenty to do during the day. Go to the post natal group at your local childrens centre or health centre, don't be shy about inviting other mums to meet up, meet friends for coffee, just do as much as you can to keep you and your baby entertained every day.

[goodnightmoon]

try not freak, you can always decide later once you've seen how it's going and how you feel. you might also find more affordable childcare and still be able to swing something at some stage, if that's what you want. also don't forget to factor in any increase in earnings you might expect over time, if you did return to work, or how a long break might affect your employment prospects and pay scale in future.