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Feeling very sorry for myself :(

(23 Posts)
featherbag Fri 09-Sep-11 17:48:52

I think I just need someone to tell me to snap out of it! The story so far (in bullet points as otherwise long and tedious):

-1st baby due November
-been married 1 year, had been TTC 2 months
-have had lots of health problems since birth related to kidney/bladder abnormalities, surgically corrected with mahoosive operation in 2005, because of which I can't deliver normally, so will be having c-section at 38 weeks
-had major bleed at 9 weeks while on camping holiday, was told at hospital hundreds of miles away from home baby had died, on asking the sonographer to check again baby found alive and well
-carried on bleeding for 2-3 weeks
-discovered at 20 weeks I have a bicornuate uterus, baby is growing in right 'horn'
-since 20 weeks (now 29) have become HUGE, baby is stuck on right side under my ribs and I can't get comfortable no matter what I do
-got phone call yesterday to say bloods abnormal, looks like I've also managed to develop gestational diabetes
-went to work yesterday (A&E nurse) and did a full shift in resus room, on my feet. Was crying with pain by the time I got home, lower abdomen so sore I can barely bear to stand up/move/sit down if already standing.
-That's it so far. Had further blood tests this morning, will wait for results. Sick of my life.

Thanks to anyone who got this far, I really am fed up. Feel enormous and uncomfortable and not sure how to get through the next 9 weeks, or eevn the next 6 til I finish work!

MotherPanda Fri 09-Sep-11 17:54:17

god bless you poor thing - the main thing is to look after yourself - if you are in pain then don't work - or see if you take things a bit slow, adjust your duties. sit down and take a break when your body tells you too.

if you have to take sick leave/go on early leave then do it. i started my leave at 29weeks, and i didn't even have any problems, and a fairly simple sit down job - i was just knackered. would it be so bad for you to do the same? your body sounds exhausted.

good luck xxx

TwoJackRussellsandabean Fri 09-Sep-11 18:02:50

Get your doctor to sign you off, you sound miserable and at least at home you could do what you can and not force yourself to do any more, not long till you get to see bubs at least smile

featherbag Fri 09-Sep-11 18:04:39

Forgot to add - blood pressure has been leading me a merry dance, keeps shooting up so that DH and I had to cancel our holiday to Turkey last month (on advice of MW and consultant, wasn't going to argue as they know best!), then it drops back to normal just as I'm about to hit the trigger point for medication. Every time my BP goes up, my community MW or consultant send me to the antenatal day unit at the hospital I work at. There's an evil witch of a MW there who always makes me feel like a time-waster, goes on constantly about how busy she is, and generally implies there's nothing wrong and I'm being neurotic. Unless I go in my uniform, in which case she's sweetness personified.

featherbag Fri 09-Sep-11 18:10:09

I wish it was as simple as going off early/going sick. If I go off sick my manager will make me start maternity leave early. I can only take 6 months due to finances, so will be limiting my time with baby afterwards if I go off early. It's not really possible to adjust my duties, there's not really any such thing as light duties in A&E, although I was assigned to triage when I was in for a 13 hour shift on Wednesday. After next week I'm going to start using my holiday allowance to do 4 6 hour shifts a week, instead of a 13 hour, a 10 hour, an 8 hour and a 7.5 hour as I do at the minute. Hopefully that will help a bit.

Like I said, I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I'm usually very optimistic, energetic, enthusiastic, and I love love love my job! Feel a bit ashamed of myself when I think of people with real problems blush

Pastabee Fri 09-Sep-11 18:32:54

Didn't want to read and run. I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

I know there are no light duties in a&e but they still have a responsibility towards you and I think 13 hours in a highly fast paced area was a poor decision from your employer. Could you do more triage work if that's physically a bit easier?

wheelshavefallenoffthebus Fri 09-Sep-11 19:35:44

Hi OP. You can only be forced to start mat leave early if you're within four weeks if your EDD. have you tried talking up occ health yet? Fellow nhs worker here, I did reduced hours as per sick leave policy to cope in the end. Occ health arranged it and my pay was protected.
Hope you find a solution smile

featherbag Fri 09-Sep-11 20:00:58

Thanks, amazingly it hadn't occurred to me to approach occ health, think I'm going to have to have a chat with manager over the weekend as I'm working all weekend. I have an appointment to see my midwife on Monday too, so will discuss it. I think I'm just having a down day, but the pain's not helping. I seem to work with a load of people who delight in telling me how they had no problem doing normal duties when they were pregnant, that I'm pregnant not ill, and make me feel like a major PITA whenever I say I can't do something. Going to have a chat with whoever's in charge tomorrow and hope things get better, even if it's just my mood that improves!

MrsHuxtable Fri 09-Sep-11 20:03:56

Just to confirm what wheelshave just said. Legally you can't be forced to start your ML because off sickness before 36 weeks. That's the earliest it would happen.
This is the third thread I'm saying this on today, so I think there must be a lot of managers out there who don't actually know the rules or maybe they are just trying out their luck with worried pregnant women...

kickingking Fri 09-Sep-11 20:48:13

Having been through a high risk pregnancy myself, I was told that the 'if you take any time off sick, we start your maternity leave' rule does not apply til 36 weeks.

I'm sorry to hear about all your problems, as I said I have had a high risk pregnancy too (and am pregnant with one again) though for different reasons to you, and I know how stressful the endless monitoring and worrying is.

lalabaloo Sat 10-Sep-11 18:58:20

You and your baby are most important so your employer has to amend your duties so that it is safe for you to work. If they can't, they have to give you the time off on full pay. Speak to occ health and midwife and if you are no further forward then HR if needs be. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy!

LoveInAColdClimate Sat 10-Sep-11 19:05:57

Nothing to add other than sympathy! You poor thing, it sounds like you're having a horrid time. I hope things improve.

Lifeissweet Sat 10-Sep-11 21:06:03

Yes, you are pregnant, but I think you can argue that you are ill too! You are having all manner of complications. It is not like anyone else's pregnancy.

I would have thought that the NHS would be more sensitive to this than other employers knowing your situation. They have a duty of care to you and, I dare say, all sorts of legal obligations to make sure you are safe and comfortable at work. Have they done a risk assessment for you? (and I mean for you specifically, not a generic one)? They should have done and I don't think you being on your feet all day in your situation could be considered reasonable.

Find out. You are not being difficult or unreasonable, you are doing your best, but you have to look after yourself and your baby.

griphook Sat 10-Sep-11 21:17:42

arrrgg it makes me very cross when people say that pregnancy isn't an illness. it's not an illness but it can make you very ill. You poor thing I feel very sorry for you, and the mw you are dealing with needs to be told that her bedside manner is shit.

your work can only force mat leave on you if baby relalated, see if you can get the doctor to sign you of with a bad foot or something not baby. grin

hope things get better for you soon

notlettingthefearshow Sat 10-Sep-11 22:36:57

Your problems sound very real - it has been a stressful and painful pregnancy for you. You have every right to feel worn down by it.

By hook or by crook you need to finish work asap, as you need to give yourself time to rest before the baby arrives. As others have said above, get the doctor to sign you off for a couple of weeks, and see occupational health about your working conditions after that.

It's not really helpful for others to say how well they did with their pregnancies. Every pregnancy is different and those of us without complications should feel nothing but lucky, not superior in any way.

By the way, at my work I know several women (first pregnancy, no complications) who have gone on mat leave at 30 weeks just to give themselves some time off to rest. There is no shame in that and no need for women to feel they need to keep going if they are struggling.

Good luck. I do hope the rest of the pregnancy is less painful. It will all be a memory when you meet your beautiful baby!!!

PinkFondantFancy Sat 10-Sep-11 22:43:45

Don't feel bad because others tell you they've had an easy pregnancy-everybody's pregnancy is different and it sounds like you're having a genuinely tough time. Their experience is irrelevant. I agree with going to see occupational health. Also, do you have a sympathetic GP? Might be worth having a chat with them too. Is it possible for you to switch to lighter duties?

featherbag Sat 10-Sep-11 23:17:49

Thanks for all your kind words, my profession is a particularly unsympathetic one when it comes to our own! I've had a heavy day again today, but have seen some genuinely amazing things which helped me keep a positive attitude. I'm still in pain, and I'm dreading my long shift tomorrow in case it's another heavy one, but I'm going to speak to my MW on Monday and see what she thinks. I'm just not used to being physically limited, and I'm probably being harder on myself than I need to be.

Baby has been going nuts all day, think it may have been the adrenaline from my busy shift, but feeling the constant movement has been, whilst uncomfortable, somewhat heartening, reminding me why I'm going through all of this!

Anyway, going to go to bed ready for tomorrow, will update after work. Thanks again to those who've commented and offered support, it's truly appreciated.

blondieminx Sun 11-Sep-11 00:12:58

It sounds like you're really going through it, poor you.

Before you speak to HR/occ health do have a browse of this Health and Safety Executive Guide for Expectant mothers - especially pages 2 and 3 which cover the specific risk assessment your employer must carry out on you.

Good luck and I hope things improve... Are you under a kidney consultant still or have you been moved across to a gynae consultant for the pregnancy?

If you see the midwife you mentioned again and her attitude is the same I would pull her up on it "did you mean to sound that dismissive? I've got to say this, because this isn't the first time I have been shocked at the way you've spoken to me. I've been asked by my consultant to attend today for monitoring because I have multiple complications with this pregnancy, i'm worried and in pain and I'm not sure how you think that sort of comment is helpful?" if she does anything other than apologise then have a word with the supervisor of midwifery. I was lucky that all the midwives I saw were lovely but I did have to put a consultant back in his box 13 weeks in - once I'd done that, I have to say he was excellent thereafter!

Finally, I just wanted to say that there is an employment board on mumsnet and I got some very good advice on there when I was dealing with a difficult manager while going through a high-risk pregnancy, it might be worth you asking for advice over there too?

featherbag Mon 12-Sep-11 16:18:38

Well, gestational diabetes is now official, so I have another set of weekly antenatal appointments for the diary. I hardly slept last night and am in a lot of pain after a long shift yesterday. Looks like I've got a uti to round things off nicely. On the MW and diabetes MW's orders I'm phoning in sick for the rest of this week, will see how I feel by the weekend before I make any more long-term decisions.

PinkFondantFancy Mon 12-Sep-11 16:52:34

Glad you've got the rest of the week off. I find I always get utis when I'm run down - hopefully having a rest for the rest of the week will give you a chance to get back on your feet and get over the infection properly.

wheelshavefallenoffthebus Mon 12-Sep-11 16:52:39

Hope you feel better OP with a bit of rest. At least you have a diagnosis now, hopefully that helps smile

featherbag Thu 15-Sep-11 13:26:03

Well, I'm now officially on sick leave. I've got to go to the hospital minimum twice weekly for monitoring of EVERYTHING, it's looking likely I'll be on insulin by this time next week, but my blood pressure's stabilised so some good news! I'm having weekly scans until 34 weeks, then twice weekly until they decide to deliver. I'm still in a lot of pain but going to start swimming to see if that helps, going to rest when I can and spend the rest of my time getting ready for baby. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment!

wheelshavefallenoffthebus Thu 15-Sep-11 19:36:39

Hope everything improves now you are off work. Sounds like your bp is already a bit better smile

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